Dumbest thing you've ever heard someone say.

In My Humble Opinion
41

Two tidbits of stupidity recently experienced on my vacation to New Mexico:

On The Plane
A large, southern-accented gentlemen, who quickly was categorized by myself and others around me as Know-It-All. We’re cruising at about 35,000 feet somewhere over the midwest. The guy sees a patch of long, smooth dark clouds beneath us that kind of look like a lake. He says to his companion and the unfortunate passenger on the other side of him: “I think that there’s a lake, the pilot says we’re flying at 35,000 feet, but oh, I don’t think so. I don’t think we’d be seeing a lake at 35,000 feet.” As if the pilot would lie about our altitude b/c anyone on board would care.

At Carlsbad Caverns
The lowest point of the caverns is about 750 feet beneath the surface. A somewhat dopey tourist couple is walking in front of us, and the husband turns to the wife and says “I do believe we’re near the equator down here.” My husband turns to me and says “What a f*ckhead.” Never has an insult like that rang more true.

42

O.K., I wouldn’t classify this as “dumb," since I would attribute it entirely to cultural differences. But it’s still kinda funny.

We sold our house about 4 months ago. We sold it ourselves (no real estate agent involved), and thus had lots of potential buyers taking “tours” on the weekends. One couple had recently moved from Korea, and their English was so-so. They had an 8 y.o. son with them. I showed them the backyard, including the monster (8’ X 8’ X 3’ deep) sandbox I built for our children. “Your son will love this sandbox,” I said. The father didn’t say anything, but seemed to nod in agreement. I went on and on telling him how I built it, how much sand was in it, blaa blaa blaa. (I spent 4 weeks building this thing. It was better than any sandbox you would find at a park. I was really proud of it.)

I then showed them the rest of the house. Afterwards we found ourselves in the eat-in kitchen, staring out into the backyard. I reminded him about the Olympic-sized sandbox. (Hey, I’m trying to sell the place!) He then pointed at the sand box and said, “What… what is it for?”

I was floored. The entire time I was showing off the sandbox, he had absolutely no idea what it was for.

I said, “Well, um, it is for children to play in. Children enjoy digging in the sand and making sand castles.”

His eyes got wide and he exclaimed, “Ahhhhhhhh!!!”

43

Gotta be: “I’m a democrat. I voted for Al Gore”

44

As a college student, we all heard about one of the more attractive but dizzy blondes going thru the initial week of sorority pledge. I guess they were trying to tone down their image of being too preppy and told all the pledges they were to attend some function that evening but to wear something other than button-downs. Gorgeous blonde perks up, raises her hand and says “What, you mean like a zippered front?”

45

A few years ago, whilst reading the Chuck Yeager exibit at the US Air Force Museum:

Imagine a glass case with personal articles and a huge 8 foot by 12 foot block of text describing Mr. Yeager’s career and that little sound-barrier thing that he did.

Behind me is a group of school kids whose teacher is proudly telling them how Yeager was the first man to land on the moon.

46

Ok this one is sort of mean of me, I guess I should have known better
Me and the ex Mrs Random1 are in California so the ex Mrs Random1 (from her on out known has emr1) can meet my parents for the first time. My mother is fascinated by Costco, so we go their to check it out as we don’t have those where we live. As we walk through the aisles emr1 notices the little display tents they have set up, you know like foot high versions of camping tents so you can see what they look like etc. She asks me what they are for, me being the joker I am come up with the classic line “those are for when you take your dog camping so he doesn’t get wet.” What did I hear a few minutes later when we caught up with my mom? “hey random1’s mom this place is cool, look they even have tents for dogs here.” it was all down hill after that.
Did I just get an award for the longest run on incorrectly punctuated post on the board?

47

My stepmom, who constantly cracks both me and my father up.

“Ohh look! Marshall’s is having a sale. 100% off!”

After my father shooed her away. “Whatsa matter? Too much love and affliction for you?”

48

My absolute favorite:

During the winter olympics a number of years back, after a race in which Dan Jansen fell for the Nth time in olympic competition, a reporter (I think it was Jim Gray but I am not sure) asked Jansen:

“Was the ice slippery?”

I now measure all stupid comments in relation to that one question. (I have yet to find one that, in my opinion, measures up.)

49

A friend of mine who speaks Spanish (Castillian) and English was relating a story of going fishing with his father in the Gulf of Mexico off Tampa/St Pete. But he managed to grab the wrong words somehow:

“We were fishing off Tampa/St Pete in the Mexican Golf Course.”

It made my head hurt so much that I’ve no intention of letting him live that one down.

50

You know, I’ve run into loud inane talkers on planes myself.
My guess is that what you usually have is someone who’s
afraid of flying, and is trying to cover.

51

Seems quite intelligent to me. Fill me in.

52

Ice is, by definition, slippery. Whether you believe it is due to friction or regelation doesn’t truly matter. For it to be an intelligent question it should have addressed the relative hardness or density of the ice, which affects the technique used by the skater. As it stands, the question was akin to asking whether water is wet.

53

The fact that ice is slippery is not some sort of secret. I’m sure everyone watching the show was aware that he was asking if the ice was relatively slippery as compared to normal ice. IOW, was his fall caused by excess slipperiness of the ice or some other cause. In fact, I am inclined to think that you yourself understood this as well.

(BTW, ice is not slippery “by definition”).

54

ooooooooooooo, I got a good one. My 11th grade history teacher told us this once. She once played a video of a Civil war reenactment. The class finished viewing it and then the teacher asked if anyone had questions. A boy raises his hand and asks, “If they didn’t have color video cameras back then, then how could this have been taped?”

55

I think the dumbest thing is when you buy something for $19.45 and hand a clerk a $20 bill and they say “Out of 20?” and then wait for you to answer!

I now always respond with “I’m afraid I don’t have anything smaller.” Sometimes even this isn’t enough, and they will insist on a response by repeating, with emphasis, “Will that be out of 20?”

56

No, that’s a sign of good taste. You were probably thinking of “George W. Bush was elected president according to law,” which has been disproven by so many legal experts it’s not even funny.

Okay, okay, something a bit less inflammatory. I don’t know if this is the dumbest thing I ever heard (see above), but my wife offered this one last night, and I feel like sharing…

She is preparing dinner for the baby, but it’s too hot for him to eat. So she gives me the bowl with the spoon, and says, “Mix it up so it’ll cool off.”
Me: “Why don’t I just put it in the refrigerator for a few seconds? That’ll do the job in less time.”
Her: “No! You’ll break the refrigerator!”
Me: “HOW will that break the refrigerator?”
Her: “You’ll force it to cool up hot food, and it’ll break from overworking! Don’t do it!”

Never mind that that’s what refrigerators are supposed to do, I decided to exercise the better part of valor and continued stirring…

57

Mrs. Dave-Guy has related the story of a high school friend of hers, who was talking with another chum in the school stairwell one evening during a play rehearsal.

She looked up at the guy and remarked, “Gee, you’re awfully tall in the dark.”

I have no idea what that means.

Another time, my mother in law was visiting from Rochester, NY. We live near New York City, and for a while she was trying to convince us that it wasn’t the place for us and that Rochester was better. We had lived there for about 5 years when we were first married, but things didn’t work out for us. When we moved downstate, our lives got much better.

Anyhoo, she was asking what was so great about this area, and I mentioned that being in the suburbs was nice, since this is a quiet, very pleasant area, but we were also close to the city, and could take advantage of all the culture it had to offer.

She leaned forward with a “Let me tell you something, mister” attitude and declared, “Rochester has a lot of culture.”

Oh, yes, whatever was I thinking? I mean, how can it compare to New York City? Geez, let me see, the Metropolitan Opera, Broadway, the Guggenheim on one hand or the Hilton Apple Festival? Hmm, tough choice.

58

Dumbest thing I’ve heard recently was :
I went to visit a friend of mine I hadn’t seen in months and I noticed he had a new tattoo; I inquired where he had gotten it and he said “Texas”(we both live in Northeast Ohio). I asked"what were you doing in Texas?" He said, "Oh, I met this guy in a chat room on the 'Net, and he seemed really cool so we(my friend,his wife and three kids) went to stay with him for a week.
I mean this guy could have been a psycho killer for all he knew!

Chris W

59

My mother works in a preschool for special needs kids. Every kid is given an Individualized Educational Plan (IEP as it is usually known as). One mother becomes irate once and says…

“I DEMAND TO SEE MY DAUGHTER’S IUD!”

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

60

This isn’t a dumb question at all. I work retail, and sometimes a customer will hand me a 20 and then go digging in their change wallet for the extra .45, to get an even dollar back. Happens all the time. In this case, it’s not hard to figure out what to give them back, even if you’ve rung it up as a 20, but sometimes it can be difficult if the change ads up to .35 or something and you’re not especially good at subracting in your head, like me. I often double check with a customer, just to make sure that they aren’t going to start handing me change after I’ve already rung up the purchase.