Early morning thoughts of homicide

The BBQ Pit
1

An open letter to the people I live with:

Ah… 1:30 in the morning. A time for relaxation, quiet and reflection on the previous day. Maybe even, if we’re feeling particularily radical, for sleeping?

Except that’s evidently not possible. After all, I’m sure you all wouldn’t be making so much noise in a main area of the house if it was even remotely plausible that someone might be trying to sleep. After all, what kind of maniac would be trying to sleep at 1:30 in the morning?

So, just as I was starting to drift off to sleep at (well, by this point I’m sure you don’t need to know the time again), thinking I might actually get the luxury of a full 7 hours sleep. At this point a loud “Whoooo!” noise sounds. I wake up, puzzled, thinking I must have dreamed it. Apparently not. It sounds again a few minutes later, followed by yelling. It quickly becomes clear that the complete ass making this noise is standing on the main stair case where he can be heard throughout half the house, yelling at the top of his voice, for apparently no better reason than that he is drunk out of his mind and happy about it.

Whomever you are, you better hope I don’t find out; because, if I do, I will forcibly insert a fire extinguisher up your ass and throw you out of a top floor window. I will then come downstairs and jump up and down on your remains. Your behaviour would have been rude during the day time. At a time when one can reasonably be expected to be sleeping, your behaviour is not merely rude: It is unimaginably inconsiderate.

So, having attempted to figure out if the yelling was in fact in anger and if I should go do something about it, I am now fully awake. That’s not too bad… after all I can probably get to sleep in half an hour or so. It’s not like I suffer from insomnia or anything (oh wait. Yes it is).

Then arrives the next wave of people.

For an hour and a half after this I suffered through the noises of loud music (not amazingly loud, just clearly audible), people who feel that they absolutely have to talk to someone from a distance, and thus have shouted conversations standing about 20 meters apart. Note: They are not doing anything particular. They merely feel that 20 meters is an appropriate distance at which to have a conversation.

At one point two morons were having a shouted conversation, one standing at the bottom of the main stairs, one standing at the top. As they didn’t seem to show any sign of being about to stop I got up and berated them for not thinking it possible that they might actually be disturbing someone. Their response?

“Don’t you think it’s a little early to be trying to sleep mate?”

It was by this point around 2:40. NO! I don’t fucking think it’s too early to be sleeping. Sure, I am also frequently awake at this time, but when I am I always remain fully aware that there are people around me who are not awake, and thus keep the volume down.

By this point I lost my temper (understand, I was already furious, but I tend not to show it) and told them to shut the fuck up. This is actually unusual behaviour for me - I tend not to swear at people. They seemed to get the hint and moved closer together for their exciting conversation.

Went back to bed, was occasionally tempted to get out again to go yell at some more people but they usually stopped just as I worked up the urge. Eventually, I’m not sure when but it was some time after 3:30, I drifted off to sleep.

Look people. I know this is hard for you to grasp, especially if you insist on routinely soaking your brain in alchohol (note: I have no objection to people drinking, in reasonably moderation. People getting drunk and making a complete ass out of themselves is another matter), but you live in a house with around THIRTY OTHER PEOPLE. Not all of these people share your social activities. Therefore you need to learn some fucking consideration for others.

If you do not then I shall repeat the fate I intend to inflict on “Whoooo”-boy until my point is made or I run out of fire extinguishers.

Thank you. That is all.

2

Kitarak If I were still in Cambridge, I’d swear those were my housemates too. They do the same thing. And I only have 3 of then to contend with.

You have my sympathies.

On a practical level, I take it you’re living in College. What’s your Senior Tutor like? When I was at Trinity Hall, we had a certain American gentleman, who’s name I shan’t mention (begins with a T), who, if anyone was reported making excesive noise outside “music hours” would in fact fine them. Not that its the nicest way to get them to shut up however. Personally, I’d say a super soaker or similar would work well, especially filled with Cam water. :stuck_out_tongue:

3

I’m not living in college actually, but I am living in college owned accomodations. It’s a house about 15 minutes walk from my college.

Unfortunately I can’t really report them, as I’m not sure who exactly the culprits are - I couldn’t work up the will to go check, especially as it was coming from quite a few distinct places. Besides, I’m not a big fan of pissing so many of my house mates off - I have to live with these people for another two terms (longer in some cases I suspect).

On top of that, I quite like some of them. I just happen to currently want to disembowel them. :slight_smile: (In a friendly, metaphorical, sort of way. I’m far too nice to be actually violent.)

Update: It turns out that, as well as being drunk, the primary culprits were somewhat (i.e. very) high on weed as well. I know, to within 4 or 5 people, who it was now. Must… resist… urge… to… use… fire extinguisher.

4

I once had a roommate come back to the dorm room at 3:00 am so sloppy drunk that he’d lost his keys (the dorms were arranged so that four rooms, each with two occupants, all shared the same entrance hall and bathroom, and the entrance hall door automatically locked), so he began banging on the door and yelling “Hey, somebody let me in!” I had a big final in four hours and was just generally pissed off, (and the other six people who shared the entrance hall decided to “let loinburger handle it, since it’s his idiot roommate,” not that I can say I blame them), so I opened the entrance hall door, punched my roommate in the face, and then went back to bed. The next morning my roommate exclaimed to me “Hell, I wonder what I did last night – I woke up this morning and had a black eye!” I explained that he’d probably fallen down or something.

If it’d been four or five people, like in your case, then I don’t know what I’d have done, especially without ready access to a garden hose.

5

I used to live in a house like that. After I moved out, I swore I’d never have another roommate again. And you know what? It’s sheer bliss. :smiley:

6

:eek:

loinburger, you are now officially my hero. :slight_smile:

Anyway, the problem is that it was not for or five people. It was four or five distinct groups of people, each of which consisted of 2-5 people at a rough guess (I don’t think all of them lived here - some were friends of those who do). It just wasn’t worth the hassle it would have taken to not achieve anything.

Although I will grant that beating the crap out of them would have been very satisfying. Still… Must remember. I am not a violent person. Violence is wrong… Peace, unity, etc…

I just thank Om that I don’t have a roommate. There are a lot of rooms in the house, but my room is mine alone. If I had to share a room with someone it’s almost impossible that we would both survive a single term unless we were very good friends (and even then I’m dubious as to whether we would survive). Kit needs private space to maintain the illusion of sanity.

7

Actually, I’m usually a pretty peaceful person also – I’ve punched five people in my entire life, and in the case of three of them it was after they had first tackled/kicked/punched me, and in the case of a fourth it was after they had first tackled/kicked/punched a friend of mine. In all four cases there was immediate threat of bodily harm to me or to somebody else. It’s a testament to just how pissed off I was that my former roommate became the first and last person that I’ve attacked without any physical provocation whatsoever.

However, if I’d been in your shoes, I’d probably have done the same thing you did. A single roommate or a single group of drunks can usually be dealt with, but a group of groups presents an intractable problem.

8

I know the feeling, kit. I live across the hall from four first-year girls who CONDUCT ANY AND ALL INANE CONVERSATIONS IN THE HALLWAY AT THE TOP OF THEIR SHRIEKY LITTLE LUNGS EEEEEEEEEE! OHMYGOD LIKE IT IS SO TRUE DID YOU HEAR ABOUT ERIC AND LISA OH NO MY PHONE LOST RECEPTION!!! EEEEEEEEEE!
They’re lucky I don’t have duct tape or flammable materials in my room.

And don’t get me started about my suitemate with the boyfriend. They’re damn lucky I have good headphones.

9

Happiness is a warm gun.

10

Ouch. That sucks, Tig. I’d go psychotic (The first person to laugh at the suggestion that I could ‘go’ psychotic gets whacked) if I had to endure that…

I may bitch about it occasionally but, to be honest, I don’t have it too bad. 95% of the time these people are fairly decent to live with. There are just occasional incidents like the one depicted above.

That isn’t going to save them from my wrath next time it happens. :slight_smile:
BonoVox: Well… No. Because fantasizing about killing people with guns isn’t fun. Guns are real, and they kill people. As much as I would like to yell abuse at these people and / or kick their ass, I would never wish serious harm upon them.

11

In that case, kit, m’dear, you’re a better person than I. :slight_smile:

12

No, I just have to endure less. :slight_smile:

13

Y’rgh. Reminds me of my roommate, who would stay up all night listening to the radio, not at a blazing volume, but just audible enough, as kit said. Then he’d start yelling at the radio, threatening the DJ if a certain song wasn’t played. It would have almost made sense, had there actually been a phone in the room, for him to call said DJ. On occasion, I’d smell weed, or beer, or whatever. He’d come in to the living room, and watch TV for a few minutes, then he’d go back to his room to listen to the radio again, leaving the TV on. I couldn’t say anything to him, because any attempt would just lead to his reasoning that that I’m a pussy, or “yo, d00d, we’re in college, blah blah party, blah smoke buds, etc.” Finally, at about 4 am, he’d go to bed, with the goddamn TV still on.

And then, when most normal people are up and about, watching TV, or whatever, he had the audacity to tell me I was being rude, keeping him from sleep. :rolleyes: He’d sleep in until 7 or 9 pm, sometimes sleeping a full hour through the alarm. Hell, sometimes, there were people I didn’t even know, sleeping until about 7 pm, in my bed!

Fortunately, I was always welcome at my girlfriend’s apartment. Otherwise, those beer bottles he drank from would have found their way into some rather curious places.

14

So much for my flamethrower suggestion.

15

I feel for you.

My last year of college, I was looking for a house to live in, and I found a house full of middle-aged SCA dorks. I’m a geek myself, and it tells you how desperate for a place to live I was that I decided a house of SCA dorks in their forties would be satisfactory.

And then the one other guy who lived there said, “Oh – me and my girlfriend like to have loud sex. Is that a problem?”

And because I was smoking too much crack that day, I said fine, no problem.

What he didn’t tell me was that they liked to have sex after midnight, after I’d gone to bed (I had classes starting at 8 am most mornings), and that when she came, she wailed like a banshee. Not normal sex noises – more like long hooting quavering howls that go on and on and on, eerie calls that echoed through the moors and signified the death of a family member before dawn.

Gah!

I’ve never been happier to move out of a house.

Daniel

16

No no. Flamethrowers are fine. A personal favourite in fact :D. It’s a question of plausibility - no one is likely to go on a killing spree with a flame thrower, so they’re somehow less ‘real’.

Possibly an odd way of looking at it, but it makes sense to me.