OK, so I’m lazy. I don’t wanna work anymore. But I still want to get paid to not work. So…what job could I have where my sole requirements are showing up in the morning (or afternoon), going home at night, and taking home a nice paycheck? The first two requirements are optional.
You could have mine. But I want to keep it, so I’m not telling you what it is. 
Mattress Tester!
Wow…whether or not I get that job, I am definitely geting that on a business card, Zenster.
“Look, baby, we have to go back to your place. I’m up for a promotion and I could use all the testing I can get. Don’t worry, it’ll be strictly professional.”
For a summer while in college I was a graveyard shift desk clerk at a hotel (not a real nice one, but not a fleabag, either). That was truly a warm body job (yawn).
Apparently the market is drying up, but you could write a humorous column online. I think this expresses the situation quite nicely:
President?
Hmmmm… I think that UC Berkeley is looking for hyena handlers. Sounds pretty easy, you just have to be able to crush the occasional rabid hyena skull.
I like this president idea. Do I need any qualifications? Because I don’t have any.
I think I could deal with being a 3-toed sloth handler. Of course, the hyenas would at least laugh at my jokes. That, or rip the flesh of my body and tear into the ribcage holding my still beating heart and start chewing on it while laughing at me.
Um…I think matress tester sounds like the best so far.
you could work as a tester for those subliminal learning tapes and get payed to sleep and at the end of it become smarter than your boss.
Security guard or concierge. Seriously. I’ve held both and especially if you get a night shift, it’s pretty much just read the paper, do a round once an hour, kick back, get paid.
Lots of times university libraries will have “monitors”, who are essentialy security guards w/o guns or responsibilities for physical security. I did this as a student and it was one of the easiest and most entertaining jobs I’ve had.
Telling people to put their sodas and food away got old after awhile, but the time a guy brought in a python in his backpack, the gentleman I caught masturbating into Montaigne (I’d have been worried had it been Nietschze), the guy and girl who thought the library was too hot and decided to study in their underwear, more than made up for the tedium.
Oh, and I got to read as much as I liked, provided I had a radio with me. Also ample surfing opportunities. Lord, the things people would leave open on Netscape. Clearing the histories was a subsidiary task. Apparently, one person was looking for Farsi chat, leather gay porn, and Ferrari pictures. Vroom…
You could review TV shows. If you’ve got a laptop, you wouldn’t even have to leave the couch. And I can’t imagine the writing standards would be too high.