If there is a significant difference ($10 more the qualifies), and it does not go back and forth over time, it is totally not OK **not **to say anything about it. Double negative intentional. You should speak up.
We always get separate checks when we go out with friends. My husband and I will drink water and order a $10 entree, while our friends get alcohol then a Coke, appetizer, entree, an extra side dish, and dessert. No fucking way I’m going to pay for their enormous appetites.
I go out with my 2 girlfriends once in a while and we always do fair share.
I think it is best to do fair share but sometimes people say lets just divide it even because they think saying fair share will look like they are cheep and want to look like its all cool, I don’t care about money… but that is silly
or… they don’t want to be bothered with math
I never spend time worrying over money, etc. Even though I do not have much, I find life is much simpler without worrying about things I consider petty. If someone wants to borrow money, if I do not have it, I say no. If I have it, I give it to them, and do not expect to see it again.
I honestly would never think to pay “my portions only”. If I do not have enough money to offer to pay the full bill, I would not even go out to dinner with others.
Separate checks unless one or the other is paying the whole bill. It’s such a common thing around here the waitress asks if that’s what you want before she brings the check.
I’ve always been grateful my family and friends don’t do the whole “split equally” crap. It’s never equal. It’s lazy and there’s always someone who didn’t order as much and they get stiffed.
One of the things my dad taught me was never to worry about who’s paying for drinks or gas. He says if you’re closest just pay it (or be the one who drives). Your friends will do the same next time around. If they don’t, they weren’t your friends. I’ve applied this to restaurant checks as well.
We never worry about bill splitting when out with a group of adults. One or the other of the guys will snag the check and pay it. Next time someone else pays, and it tends to rotate around. I’ve never worried over who had what on the menu, figuring it will mostly even out over time.
If there are significantly different incomes (say, starving students, or 20-somethings in their salad days with their kids), I always get the bill. I remember the days of mentally calculating what my kids were ordering, and I figure it’s a welcome relief for them to just eat and enjoy themselves. In these cases I’ve usually made an agreement with the waitress on the sly beforehand, and I’ve settled it before they realize what’s happened. 
It’s another trick I learned from my dad. He is the “restaurant check Ninja”. Sometimes I never even see it when I’m with him.
In the first case above, if it became apparent that one party was always allowing others to pay, we’d eventually quit inviting them.
Missed the edit window: Above I said “when out with a group of adults” That should’ve read “similar-aged adults”. Rereading it sounded like implying other situations weren’t adults (not my intent).
I answered “pay own share” only because often the difference in price can be way more than $10-$15 – $50 or more in a fancy pants restaurant. In that situation, I would consider it rude for the top eaters / wine drinkers to want to split equally.
Also, situations where a couple guys showed up late and missed a course. Of course they can pay for only what they had.
But in general I split. If only because when you try to break it down individually, everyone (else) forgets things they’ve had, and half an hour of annoying detective work ensues.
I hate going out with a group and not having separate checks. My husband and I don’t drink, and we rarely have appetizers or dessert. And far too often, I’ve been with a group where someone or several someones don’t include tax and tip in their contribution, so everyone else gets screwed. It may be extra work for the servers, but it’s their job.
But most of all, we hate to carry cash, so having a separate check makes it much easier for us to pay with a card. And we do make it clear at the start that we want a separate check. It is pretty sucky to expect a server to sort it all out at the end of a meal.
Ask for seperate bills.When I go out to eat, I want to pay, and tip, on my dime! Maybe I want to tip more than 15 %. It’s not that hard for the waitress to do, and guess what…it’s their JOB! End of discussion!!! !
I suspect they’re not 20+ people, either; getting the tab for that big of a group isn’t something to undertake lightly. That was in a bar where after dinner each person went to the till, recited what he’d had and paid: individual bills all the way.
I don’t drink anything stronger than beer and that about once a year, and tend to have lighter dinners than other people, so my personal preference is Dutch/separate bills; it’s also the general preference for adult outings in much of Spain. There’s been very few times anybody had a problem with that, and those few times it was always the person whose part came out to several times those of others. I’m not subsidizing lobster for someone who wouldn’t be able to cook her own.
I guess this must be an American thing. I can’t remember the last time that someone “picked up the bill.” Probably the 80s. Everyone just throws money into the pot for what they had. Surprisingly we often end up with too much.
It sounds like you don’t enjoy the company of these people that much as you don’t seem to have addressed this issue directly with them. If this is more than occasional inconvenience or it is clear that they are soaking you to subsidize a significant portion of their entertainment expenses, then simply invite them to your home for meals or let the friendship cool.
Honestly, unless this was happening weekly or monthly and the couple was insisting upon going to a higher-priced restaurant, an occasional meeting shouldn’t put a strain on your finances or the friendship.
Principle. Sorry. Continue.
Do whatever puts you at ease. If the possibility of contributing to someone else’s meal disagrees with you. Then ask the server for separate checks, first thing. If you feel embarrassed speak to the server before/as you are seated. If anyone asks just say you may need to leave early.
There is no right or wrong way. Just do what puts you at ease, and let your friends do likewise.
And if you can’t be arsed to speak up and ask for what you wish, then you need to suck it up and go along with the groups ways. And, no, one way is NOT more virtuous than another, it’s all just different strokes for different folks!
Oops. Usually a stickler on correct spelling, that one slipped by me.
Anyway, thanks for the responses. A little surprised the poll is at 83%. A few dollars here and there is alright.
We work hard for our money, and don’t want to just be giving up $10 for nothing. Would rather give it to a good charity. Separate checks is ideal. But it will still get turned around, and we’d be the bad guys. People get so defensive.
Doesn’t matter to me. If someone doesn’t understand it, they aren’t worth it. That’s the way I see it.
Never heard the option of equal shares even considered in my personal experience - seems to be an US thing. What’s wrong with separate bills/checks?
Ask for separate checks. If they think you are a bad person for this reason alone then how well do they view your friendship?
Unless my friends are less well off than I am I will pay my own share, tip and taxes included.
However with a group of friends we all usually throw our ‘share’ in the middle and find it to be more than enough to cover the bill with a generous tip.
Either options is totally okay just don’t accuse people of taking advantage of you for prior meals when you set the expectation for the current one.
I tend to end up in both types of situations - groups where people share appetizers, eat about the same amount of food and drink and just split the bill (or even easier, take turns paying) and groups where my default when arriving is to ask for separate bills. Sometimes due to different eating styles, most times due to the crazy arguments over who owes what and what an adequate tip is.
We used to do this when carrying cash was the norm:
and we still make fun of a friend of mine over an error with this process. We were on our very first Chick Trip and had just finished breakfast. She was the last to put her share in and it worked out that when she dropped in her $20 she would then take all of the $1’s and it would work out correctly. So she stacked up the $20’s, stacked up the $1’s, left the $1’s on the table and put the $20’s in her wallet. We were almost out the door when the server came running up to us. In her defense we are Canadian and it was a US dollars she was sorting so they all look the same!
If someone wants to split the bill when they eaten less expensive food than I have I’ll insist on pitching in more, or paying all of the tip. I don’t like the idea of everyone paying the same amount unless the meals are comparable. It might be different if this were spread among multiple dining out experiences where the parties varied their meals by cost over time and it all averages out in the end, but there are often cases where some people usually eat a lot less, or don’t order drinks or appetizers or desserts. But in a single incidence it’s pretty easy to approximate each person’s share and the person who had the more expensive meals should offer to pay more. It’s not worth quibbling over small differences though.