Well, perhaps your last paragraph explains your first.
I’ve never been out with a group of people who wanted to split the bill evenly. That seems idiotic to me. So if I don’t drink and you get three $16 cocktails, I have to pay for your drinks? Uh no. Every time I’ve gone out we all just look at the check, see what we ordered and put in enough to cover our share. It is really not difficult at all. Usually we even end up with a bit extra.
I agree with this. Go all out.
Also, I think it’s pretty weird that their kids are along & somehow they don’t realize they’re upping the bill substantially? I think with people that are moochers you have to be firm & just take a stand. They might think you’re rude - but not as rude as they are by mooching! I have a friend who orders food for takeout with me & then conveniently never has the cash on hand (oh I’ll remember, don’t worry). I’ve started just getting it up front. I don’t have the time or energy to deal with it when she inevitably forgets, just like she said she wouldn’t.
In an ideal world, each would contribute approximately what they ordered plus some - err on the side of generosity. Anything else is lame in my book.
p.s. I don’t like separate checks, but sometimes it’s a necessity. Also, I like picking up one dinner, they get the next one, which is really a nice thing between adults 
I honestly can’t remember the last time I went out and we didn’t have separate checks. And I’m not talking about only going out with one set of people for the last 20 years - I mean everyone. I can hardly think of a half dozen times when we haven’t been asked a preference, either.
I find that wait staff is highly competent and have no problem splitting up checks. Even if you forget and don’t tell them until the end of the meal, they can figure it out. Lots of restaurants have nice sophisticated computer systems to help them.
If it so happens that you can’t bring yourself to ask for this preference, then yes I say you pay for what you consumed. But why take the time to do this yourself when, once again, the server can do it for you?
I had a fiasco the other day where it took us an hour to figure out how we each owed on the check.
In reality, it’s super simple. Just make sure you don’t have a moron doing the math (like we did).
Not certain if you realize it, but this statement makes it clear that these people are not your friends. If they were, then there wouldn’t be a need to make such a comment and you certainly wouldn’t say this to strangers.
My advice would be to let this relationship (whatever it is) to just cool. You and your SO/spouse don’t really seem to be too close to these people if you are going allow a relatively minor amount of money ($10 is meaningless in the greater scheme of things) to be of such a matter of concern.
I’ve never seen a divided up equally situation unless every body is ordering the same, which are basically business meals. I run a networking group where everyone pays the same except for the people who order alcohol (real professional looking Terri, Chris and Jim!.) Social occasions there is usually a host who is paying for all, or the bill is divided up by who ordered what. It is always interesting to watch the monetary contributions of people you have paid attention to what they ordered. A really good way to judge character.
The problem with this very sane idea is that many restaurants will NOT give separate checks when taking orders from a large group. The restaurant where we would go was an example of that - they wouldn’t want to be bothered with ten or more checks at a single large table so you were stuck with that one check.
Does anyone remember the Curb Your Enthusiasm with the couple that always gets up to go to the bathroom right before the check comes?
Definitely a cultural disparity here.
I now live in Italy and people almost always divide equally. If I’ve consumed more than others I always offer to chip in more, but it’s almost always refused.
The only time it doesn’t happen is when there’s an extreme difference in what was consumed (e.g. one person only has a salad and everyone else has a bottle of wine and a three course meal), and even then the individual’s amount gets subtracted from the total, and the remainder divided.
In my world: yeah, dividing it equally is not strictly fair, but a) it will all likely come out in the karmic wash next time you eat together, b) it takes only a couple of minutes to work out which in Italy is a miracle, and c) I see any disparity a ‘conviviality tax’ to avoid arguments.
The only time my philosophy ever backfired was when two rich assholes in our party at adjoining tables started competing with each other to order the most expensive vintage champagne. Nearly fucking ruined me.
The friends were kind of dumb for not throwing in the cost of their kid’s food, at the very least. I’m sure the kid’s order was quite simple. Expecting you to pick up the cost was inconsiderate, even if it’s small potatoes in the grand scheme of things. They’re probably the kind of people who assume their precious angel is everyone’s precious angel.
However, the cost of not being assertive is a lifetime of resentment. There are no set rules here. Just because your friends want to do the split-bill thing doesn’t mean they are right. The next time you guys hang out, especially if they have the kid in tow, ask the server for separate checks. Continue to do this whenever you go out. I’ve never been to a restaurant that will not do this for you (my guess is that the server gets better tips when everyone pays separately versus when everything chips in). And if they have a problem with this, then you have yet another reason to turn down dinner dates with them. But it sounds like you don’t really need another one.
This is insane. Who in this day and age doesn’t separate checks?
I eat like a king. Appetizer, wine, entree. Coffee after. I don’t allow anyone else to touch my check. That way all the folks eating a side salad don’t feel threatened.
Edited to add, I do secretly tip for the whole table, not just me, because sometimes people are cheap.
TheBistromathic Drive in the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy took advantage of this phenomenon for interstellar travel.
I checked split the bill only because that’s what I would want to do in a similar circumstance. I honestly don’t care about $10-20. I did care when we were poor and in college, but now that we’re older and more established, I’m not going to quibble over $20 or even $50. We tend to hang around people who are in the same boat, with the exception of one couple who are notoriously stingy. We all still love them and include them, but I’ll admit that we do make fun of them behind their backs.
That being said, I can see the side of people who want separate checks but am puzzled why they just don’t say “Separate checks, please” at the beginning of the meal.
We kind of loosely split the bill.
It usually works out that way.
The only time I had a problem with it was years ago when I was invited out by the other women in a class I was taking. It was 6 couples and me and when one of the husbands picked up the bill he announced (while looking me in the eye) that it would be split 7 ways. Made even worse because I was the only person not drinking alcohol.
It could have easily have cost me $75-80 for a $20 meal.
His wife grabbed the check out of his hand, told him to shut up and told me what I owed and the balance was split six ways.
Forgot one option- “It depends”. If my husband and I are going out with one other couple , we’re willing to split evenly or each pay for our own meals/get separate checks ,depending on what the other couple prefers. We don’t really have a preference, although we’d probably wonder about people who didn’t want to split evenly in the sort of place where the difference between checks would be a dollar or two or people who did want to split evenly although they brought 4 kids and we brought none ( unless it was a special like " buy one adult meal, get a kid meal free" or "kids pay a penny per pound. Like i said, it depends.)
We are part of a group that goes on a few yearly trips. On any one trip, there are 15 to 20 people and plenty of them are not traveling in couple. This makes separate checks not feasible, except at buffets.For the 20 years this group has been traveling together, we have always split the checks and it's only newcomers who want to change. I cannot see joining an existing group and wanting them to change their ways.
Oddly, in my experience the split evenly/pay for your own divide doesn’t work out the way you would think. The person who is most insistent on splitting evenly often orders a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast while the rest of us order omelets and those who want to “pay for their own meal” could more accurately be said to want to “pay for what they order”. Because they will eat the appetizers and such that were ordered for the table and fill their glass from the pitcher of soda, but expect to pay only for the hamburger and tap water they actually ordered.
Only in America have I encountered resistance from the waitstaff for separate checks and, in some places, outright refusal to do more than 2/3 checks for a table. Everywhere else in the world I’ve travelled seems to be perfectly accommodating towards an infinite profusion of checks.
There’s one couple we hang out with - we always ask for a separate check when we eat with them. They order drinks and the most expensive dishes, then seem perfectly happy splitting the check evenly with us. Er, no thank you.
If I’m out with a big group of people I just resign myself to splitting the check. The ten extra dollars I pay isn’t worth the hassle of trying to calculate who owns what.
This is my experience too. Everyone chucks in a rounded up amount that covers what they ordered. There’s always too much left over at the end, which usually becomes a little extra for the waiter, unless the amount is ridiculously large. It takes all of a minute. You know if you ordered something that was around $12, so you chuck in $15, or you ordered a main that was under $20, shared a $5 entree with a friend and got two $5 drinks - well you just chuck in $35 and enjoy the meal out with friends.
I was going to say split until I read the OP and saw there were only two parties. So I said fair share.
Separate checks are best (just pretend you don’t have enough cash) or grab the check, do the math, and say “okay, ours came to $X” and hand them the check to figure out the rest. I have no personal experience with people like that, though.