Either show up or call, but do SOMETHING

The BBQ Pit
1

Hello? Accounting? Yeah, this is THespos. I’d like you to insert two new job numbers into our timesheet system:

  1. Whacking off, and
  2. Sitting in a room, waiting for a meeting to start.

I’ll probably need to put several hours a week toward #2, because too many people in this company are putting time against #1 when they’re supposed to be in meetings.

It’s really simple to go to meetings in this day and age. The person who wants to have a meeting accesses this simple little app called “MS Outlook” and checks to see when all the meeting attendees are free. Then he sends out a meeting request to all the attendees, stating the date, time and location. If the meeting attendees can come to the meeting, they accept. If they’re going to be at the dentist or something, they decline.

Once you accept the meeting, you can even go back and decline it, like when something comes up at the last minute. This will let the meeting organizer know that you can’t make it and will have to reschedule.

With this wonderful tool in place, there really is no excuse for simply not showing up to a meeting. After all, a little window pops up and reminds you about your meeting 15 minutes before it’s scheduled to start. It tells you where to go and who to meet with. It really couldn’t be simpler.

So you can understand my frustration when I schedule an IMPORTANT CONFERENCE CALL and HALF THE FUCKING PEOPLE FROM MY COMPANY WHO ACCEPTED THE MEETING FAIL TO SHOW UP. Why is this a frustration? BECAUSE, MR. PUNCTUAL, THE PEOPLE ON THE OTHER END OF THE PHONE ARE EXPECTING YOU TO BE THERE, SO NOW I HAVE TO SEND OUT A FUCKING SEARCH PARTY TO FIND YOUR UGLY ASS BEFORE I CAN START.

This happens all the time. People who are critical to the success of a meeting show up half an hour late and act surprised when they walk into a conference room full of waiting people. Lessee… that’s 1/2 hour multiplied by 8 people, multiplied by $200 an hour. Gee, you just wasted $800 because you COULDN’T PICK UP A FUCKING PHONE AND CALL TO TELL SOMEONE THAT YOU’LL BE LATE.

I swear, the next time this happens, I am going to leave the building and walk over to Electronics Boutique and buy a Game Boy. And while I’m waiting for people to show up for meetings, I’m just going to sit there and play ULTRA SUPER POKEMON MARIO FURY and I’m not going to stop when they finally DO show up. Nosireebob. They are going to sit there and wait for me to finish my fucking game. Then they can call accounting and ask for the job number for “Watching THespos play video games” so they can fill out their weekly timesheet. And then MAYBE, just MAYBE, they will learn to show up for meetings on time.

Actually, that probably won’t do the trick. Maybe I should just block off every hour in my Outlook calendar with useless placeholders like “Reserved for recreational web surfing,” “Manicure/pedicure appointment” and “Happy Time.” That way, no one will have a prayer of scheduling a meeting with me and then I won’t have to deal with this bullshit on a daily basis.

2

I had a (mercifully) brief foray into the corporate world this year, and I experienced the same frustrations.

People seemed to think it was “cute” that I showed up at meetings on time.

3

I think people get off on this sort of thing–look how important I am, I don’t really have to keep track of which meetings I should be going to, because if it’s really important someone will come get me.

Personally, I need to add the project “repeating the answer to the same question my boss asked me an hour ago” to my timesheets. This only amounts to an hour or so a week, but in this economy, every little bit helps, right?

4

Might I suggest that you combine #1 and #2? I know I’d show up at a meeting on time to see you wack off.
[sub]bonus joke: The reason I’d show up on time is that if I came 30 seconds late, I’d miss the whole thing.[/sub]

5

Can you pencil in #1 during “Happy Time”?

Multi-tasking is the key to financial success!!!

6

As the official project time sheet designer for ScoutCo, I will happily add these two new codes to my sheet when I modify it for 2002.

God, I’d love to see the reaction.

Of course, if I create the 2 new codes for you, you goddamn well better use 'em. But that’s another rant entirely.

And yes, Microsoft Outlook is your friend. And, if I may add, just because you HAVE AN ASSISTANT, does not mean you completely relinquish all responsibility to actually LOOK AT YOUR FUCKING CALENDAR TO KNOW WHEN THE HELL TO SHOW UP!

Phew. I feel better now.

7

All the really useful Time Sheet Codes.

8

I have a simple solution to the ‘doesnt show up at meetings on time’ deal. Just start without them, if they dont show up or show up late, its up to them to figure out whats happened. If they try to disrupt the meeting to find out “where we are” I tell them we’re already underway and they’ll need to ask someone after the meeting to catch them up. If we came to a decision that requires the persons input and they arent there, they automatically agree with the majority. If they later find out they ‘agreed’ and decide they dont like the decision, they can call a meeting to discuss it. Guess which meeting i’m going to be late to… :wink:

After a while, people show up on time to my meetings.

This is definitely a ‘show of power’. One of the most basic psych items of bad behavior is exerting ones influence by being late. You’re making people wait for you and therefore establishing your control over them. If you dont wait, dont give them any power, and take control away from them in the process…it wont feel good anymore.

Of course, if your company has an annual review process that includes input from ‘peers’, you’ll be immediately torpedoed. Another fine example of how the average corporate system is fine tuned to produce mediocrity.