Election predictions, anyone?

Only a few more hours and we in the US will once again be able to enjoy TV without those /%@#&!+^ campaign ads.

I’m predicting Bush will be the winner - not based on voter turnout or campaign promises or anything remotely sensible - I’m going strictly by his name alone.

Historically, Americans like names we recognize - we’ve voted in 2 Adamses, 2 Harrisons, 2 Johnsons and 2 Roosevelts. Thanks to his daddy, Bush has that recognition factor.

We also like proper English first names, like John and James and George (that Fillmore guy was just a quirk), over more “foreign sounding” ones. ‘Fritz’ Mondale, for example, never stood a chance - even as Vice-Prez. And even though we have had a few presidents whose Christian names begin with a vowel (Abraham, Andrew(s), and Ulysses), I’m afraid “Albert” is just too German-sounding for the majority of us.

So, based on this incredibly thorough and researched theory (I did look at an almanac), I’m picking George as the Big Wiener, er, Winner.

(Personally, I went Green, even though here in Indiana we had to write in ol’ Ralph’s name - he wasn’t on the ballot.)

Anyone else?

Well, I have no takers yet…so,uh, what if I offer to put money on it? I’ll bet a million pazoozas that I’m right.

(Mr. Mayo and I usually bet sexual favors, but I’d better not offer that yet, in case this just sinks to the bottom again.)

Actually, the United States now has a brand new president-elect. His name is ----.

Actually, all the votes are in. We’ve voted for a new president. We just need to count the damn things.