I like the idea of staring at him directly in the eyes for a couple of seconds (long enough for him to get the message that it’s deliberate), and slowly, clearly say to him, “Is there something wrong with you?” and walk away.
If you have to go to HR, approach it thusly; “I was wondering if there’s something wrong with Biff - he’s acting very strangely. Is he mentally handicapped or something?”
You need an office linebacker.
Wow, lots of good thoughts. It helps to know that I’m not the only one that still has to deal with people like Biff.
It’s too bad the pots are plastic:
I guess if anything else happens I’ll give him some kind of warning, maybe even in an e-mail to have some CYA proof.
On a side note, I’m glad I finally found a board with smart people and not more Biffs. I’m amazed how many ESJTNGU are all around. In college I had a person that I’m guessing is a friend of Biff threaten to punch me. I told him to go ahead since we were in the door common room with the Resident Assistant and Hall Advisor. It would have been worth it to see him get the boot.
Ha! I’d leave out the second sentence though.
No, it’s “I know you can’t tell me about other workers’ medical issues, but is there anything I should know about Biff? He’s been acting very strangely, and I’m not sure how to handle it. Does he have some issue I’m supposed to be making accommodations for?”
In my first job out of college I had to deal with a guy who was a complete asshole and bully, he was acting like a 6th grader on the playground.
Be very careful about what you say/write - if you threaten him in any way you’re putting yourself into a very bad spot.
“Biff, I didn’t like it when you knocked the coffee pot out of my hand. If you do something like that again I’ll talk to your manager/HR about it” is an appropriate warning. This shows what he did, that you have told him it’s not welcome behavior and that you know how to deal with this kind of thing properly in a work environment.
“Biff, I didn’t like it when you knocked the coffee pot out of my hand. If you do something like that again I’ll kick your ass” may get you fired. This shows that you may be short-tempered and prone to violence.
Be the better man. You will be successful for it and his assholish ways will bite him in the butt at some point (the bully I mentioned at my job got fired).
There you go - that’s the phrasing. You don’t go to HR telling on Biff; you go to HR looking for some guidance on how to make your whole company run better. (Insert tongue-in-cheek smiley.)
ETA: And then you act genuinely surprised when they say there’s nothing you need to know; “Oh. Okay. I’ll just go back to work then.” You’re not looking for resolution here, you’re looking to plant a seed.
May I ask what type of company you work for? Seriously, I can’t even imagine working with someone like that - how did he get a job? I suggest setting down the pot, telling him he can clean it up and make the coffee and just walk away.
Right. You wouldn’t be making waves by telling him to knock it off, you’d simply be putting an end to his bullshit. You brand yourself a royal doormat by letting some d-bag yank you around like this.
I’m not a fan of running off to HR every time someone is mean. Tell him to stop, and if he spills something else, inform him that he will be the one cleaning up. I’ll bet you ten dollars if you tell him to mop it up then leave, the puddles will be gone by the time you come back. I’ll bet you another ten that he’ll stop doing it once he realizes how tedious mopping floors is. If he’s some sort of super douche, and he keeps doing it, then I’d suggest pointing out to him that his behavior is unprofessional, if it it continues, you’ll go to HR.
Although I am also a fan of the “MY EYES!!!” approach. That’s pretty funny.
I had this exact reaction when someone thought it’d be funny to get into my personal space and go “oooooooooops!” knocking the water over while I was trying to fill a glass. It spilled all over the place. I just left the mess, because I sure as hell wasn’t going to clean it up. I don’t know if he cleaned it up or not, but it was gone next time I was in the work kitchen. This was at a call center job I had years ago.
If he does it again, go along with it - you know, start shaking your hand in an exaggerated fashion - and spill the entire pot of water on the front of his shirt. “Sorry Biff, but that shaky hand can be crazy sometimes,” or some such.
I don’t agree with this phrasing at all. It gives the impression you are not strong, which is why he did this in the first place. You should deal with him directly and assertively.
If he continues to nag you with comments of, “How’s that nervous hand there?”, then an appropriate response IMHO, would be, “You know, I’m glad you asked about that. I don’t think I will have a problem with it any more, but if I do, I will definitely let your supervisor and HR know about it. Do you understand?” At this point I would not let it go until he gets what you mean, and says, “Yes.”
If for some reason he starts dancing around the issue, with excuses like, “Hey, I was only joking. Lighten up. No harm done,” then you have liberty to address it directly with him and say, “Don’t mess with me any more or I will bring it to your supervisor and HR.” That should shut him up. It is IMPERATIVE that you avoid phrases like, “I didn’t like it when…” or “It really hurts me when you…” All they do is make you look weak and nonassertive. It will feed into his ego and make him continue to harass you. There’s no need to get angry or yell at him. Just tell him what you need to tell him directly and with conviction.
I recommend you look at THIS BOOK by Dr. Rick Brinkman and Dr. Rick Kirschner. It’s great for learning how to deal with people like this, plus others.
Another person saying “DON’T BE A DOORMAT!” Hell, we even tell people who are subjected to sexual harassment that they should tell the person they don’t like it, loudly and clearly.
The moment to do it is past, but the moment you flip is the exact moment he does it, so it doesn’t look like a calculated reaction. I am a generally mild person but I would have said, “Jesus Christ! What the hell do you think you’re doing!? Would you watch it?” Pretty loudly, and no way would I have cleaned it up. Then I would have gone to the boss.
You could spill boiling coffee on his face
I’d take it one step farther and aim for his crotch.
One step further? I’d rather have boiling water splashed on the crotch of my pants than on my face.
Or you could take this as harassment.
Next time it happens (and it will) scream loudly enough for others nearby to hear you, and say:
You: *“Biff! Keep you hands to yourself!”
“I’m married. I’m straight. I’m not interested. Just keep your hands off me.”
*
Him: “But I’m not trying to …”
You: “Oh, come on. Everytime you catch me alone in the break room, you rub your body up against me. And make me spill the coffee. Can’t you understand, I’m not interested!”
Him: “But I was just joking …”
You: “It’s not funny! I don’t find those kind of attentions at all funny. Maybe people at some gay bar would like that joke, but I don’t. Stop it!”
Then leave the room, carefully staying far away from him as you go by. The word will spread throughout the office like greased lightning. Half the people will soon believe that he’s a closeted, desperate gay man. (And heck, acting that way, he just might be.)
If your boss or someone at the company calls you in about this, act reluctant to talk about the incidents. Say* “I don’t want to talk about that. Actually, there isn’t anything to talk about. It was just a private miscommunication between us. I was trying to make it clear to Biff that I’m a married, straight man, and not interested in that kind of thing, and don’t think it appropriate here in an office. But I don’t want to file any formal complaint or anything. It’s in the past – can’t we just forget about it?”* Your boss will be only too happy to forget about it, especially since you brought up ‘formal complaint’.
That would be completely awesome!
Except it probably wouldn’t work.
The OP said that he quietly cleaned up the mess and didn’t finish making coffee. That was his retaliation.
It sounds to me like these guys are falling right back into the roles they occupied in high school. I don’t believe the OP could pull off making this guy look like a fool. In real life things don’t happen the way they do in movies and books.
This. Forget about pouring shit on his computer or sabotaging his coffee or anything like that. Just come right out with it: “Why are you such an asshole, Biff? Why don’t you grow up, goddammit! Are you 12? Christ!” If he says he was just playing around tell him no one thinks shit like that is funny and to stop being a jerk. Do this in front of other people if possible. Problem solved.
I don’t really think HR needs to be involved at this point. He’s just a jerk who needs to be told off. Cross the HR bridge when you come to it.