Elevator etiquette question

In My Humble Opinion
1

It’s not my fault that my ancestors had the opportunity to explore and settle new lands, fight in grand and just wars, and the like. If my lot is to get involved in petty pissing contests in office-building elevators - so be it. All I know is something went wrong the other day, and I’d like to know what it was so as to avoid such unpleasantness in the future.

I’m the only passenger riding the vator down at the end of the day. I have about 15 minutes until my train, and it takes maybe 12 minutes to get from my office to the train.

The vator stops and a guy gets on. Except he does not get completely on, but stands partly in the doorway, preventing the door from closing. He does not look at or say anything to me, but instead is looking towards the elevator lobby, where I hear at least 2 voices speaking. No sounds of “Hold that vator, please” or other signs of someone hurrying.

I don’t know exactly how long we remained like this - I estimate that you could have counted to 5 slowly - maybe longer but I don’t want to exaggerate. I didn’t know how long the guy intended to hold the vator, and didn’t really want to be kept there, so I said something - either “Come on” or “Let’s go.” In retrospect, I guess I could have said something else. Suggestions?

The guy holding the door looks at me and says, “He’s coming.” Now, the elevator lobby is mayby 30 feet from one end to the other - anyone trying to get to the vator would have had more than enough time to get there. Heck, the light and bell allow anyone wanting to get on to be in front of the doors as they open. And I am sure I was somewhat exasperated by this point when I responded along the lines of, “Coming from where? The lobby isn’t that big.” He had still never said, “Are you coming” “Do you want me to hold it” or anything, and I head no sounds of anyone hurrying to the vator.

He responded along the lines of, “You must be important, that you can’t spend a couple of seconds.” Well, technically I could just sit in the vator for a minute or 2, but I didn’t particularly want to. I responded that I had a train to catch.

At which point he started calling me names (“asshole, prick”)and saying things like “Drag your sorry ass home; I pity the poor wife waiting for you; I hope you miss/get run over by your train.” A little confused at being cast as the wrongdoer, I said that I was just trying to ride the elevator down to get home. I had not been inconveniencing him, but he was inconveniencing me. Somewhere around here the other guy got on, the doors closed, and we rode down the rest of the way.

The guy kept up with the insults, and I am not happy to admit that I responded in kind. All-in-all it was quite the unpleasant end to a pretty average workday. Not an experience I would like to repeat.

So, I ask you - what the hell exactly happened, and what do you recommend doing should a similar situation recur in the future?

(I guess I could simply walk down the 30 flights, but I’d prefer considering other options.)

2

Jeezus, what an immature dick!

FWIW, a gruff “Get on or get off!” was the standard response in the college dorms when people were holding the elevator for an inappropariate amount of time, but I’ve never encountered such behavior from people who were old enough to drink legally.

3

He’s rude. The way for him to have done it was, when a few seconds had elapsed, to look at you and smile and say, “My friend’s coming, do you mind waiting a minute? He’s right over there, see?” And then called his friend.

I never would have held the elevator that long, anyway. I would have called to my friend “Come on, or I’m leaving!” And then I would have left.

I can’t see any way you could have dealt with it. He was just an asshole and sometimes you run across them and just have to plug up your nose and ignore the stench.

4

He was definitely in the wrong…what a rude ass. He had no call to insult you, no call to even say anything other than 'please excuse my poor manners - I have no social graces." Too bad you couldn’t hold the ‘door close’ button so it slammed shut on him.

5

Though I generally avoid elevators if possible (I find the stairs are often faster, and I don’t have to cram with a bunch of strangers), I agree with this. Its fine to hold the door open, but the person for whom the door is being held is also obligated to run such that inconveniences everyone to the least degree. Quite frankly, if it takes someone longer than a slow 5 count to run to the elevator, they’re definitely too far away to have held the door for them.

I think a similar ettiquette would be holding the door open for someone in the dead of winter. Sure, its absolutely polite to hold it open for someone, but you don’t hold it open for a long 5 count, because you let out too much heat. At some point, there’s a balance between how nice you are, and how much energy/heat you’re wasting for everyone that’s already inside.

Regardless, I think you should be firm and, of course, never result to name calling. Though, that’s the first I’ve really heard of someone resulting to insults for someone calling on them for being a jerk, so I dunno if you’ll encounter it often enough to worry about the ettiquette.

6

Dinsdale, if I weren’t out here in the 'burbs, I woulda whupped his butt for ya. :wink:

He was a jerk. I spent ten plus years working downtown in office buildings much like yours and he was in the wrong. Perhaps if you had said something along the lines of “are you going to be much longer? I’ve got a train to catch” he wouldn’t have been so confrontational. In reality, I probably wouldn’t have said anything but I’m a doormat for all seasons that way. In any event, his reaction to you was WAY over the top in my opinion. It wasn’t someone who worked in the building, was it?

7

Damn, Missy, I wish I’d had you covering my back! :smiley:

I suppose they both were, tho I didn’t recognize him. You know how it is - you probably recognize only an infinitesimal fraction of the folk in your building, mostly those who come, take lunch, and leave around the same time as you.

I find this type of situation very frustrating. Yes, it is a very minor inconvenience, but I generally try to be sufficiently aware that I do not impose even minor inconveniences on others. And there is something somewhat - uh - emasculating or something about just standing there meekly in the face of rudeness. And it REALLY bugs me that my personality is such that I’m still wasting any synapses thinking about this little fuck the next day!

Tho the guy was at least 10-15 years my junior and carrying an umbrella, I didn’t really feel threatened or anything. I had several inches on him at about 6’3", am in pretty decent shape, and trained various streetfighting styles of MA for several years. But it really bugged me that I was just riding the darned elevator and all of a sudden I’m thinking about exactly how much damage I might want to impose on the guy should it come to blows. Fuck - what a society this is that a couple of businessmen sharing an elevator should give rise to even the most fleeting thoughts of physical violence.

8

So things obviously HAVEN’T changed since I worked downtown. Come on - you know what the escalators are like at Union Station at rush hour! This was just a minor bump in the road! :wink:

9

What an inopportune time to be without flatus.

10

This drives me postal. It is one of my “flames-run-up-my-back” pet-peeves. I once posted here about a similar situation (woman holding the elevator open while she finished conversing with someone in the floor lobby) and ended it with “so I stabbed her to death with my pen.” Not true, of course, only what I wanted to do.

The guy was an asshole. I don’t know what you could have done differently other than disengage when it became clear that he was an asshole. I mean, you could have tried to reason with him: “Gee, you must be important if you can’t spare a minute.” “Actually, I don’t have a minute to spare, I’m afraid I’m going to miss my train.” But you shouldn’t have to. Some people believe that the best defense is a good offensive, and when their minor offensive behavior is pointed out, no matter how politely, they respond by becoming even more offensive. There’s no good resolution to that; you either have to shut up and take it, or engage in an argument you have no chance of winning, since there is no way in hell the guy’s goinig to stop mid-curse and go “You know what? You’re right. My bad. I apologize.” I’d just chalk it up to bad luck to be stuck in an elevator with an asshole. If I had any other comment, it would be that it might have been better not to waste your breath and your emotional capital in an argument, but frankly I don’t think I’d have been able to resist either, since this particular minor rudeness drives me nuts.

Hope today’s a better day. :slight_smile:

11

We have to deal with this all the time. The worst part is that since the SSA call centre moved into the 2nd & 3rd floor suites, they jam up what used to be our straight ride down to the bottom. I question the need to use the elevator to go up or down ONE floor (hey, I use the internal stairwells at the office to get to our floors since we own 5) but I could deal with it if they didn’t pool around cackling and insisting the elevator be held open for 2 to 3 minutes at a time while one of their party saunters out to the elevator lobby.

12

No kidding. I once released quite the cloud as I left the elevator to somebody I don’t particularly like. It was the highlight of my day - nay, the highlight of my week.

13

Maybe it’s just me, but if I was so worried about making sure my friend got to the elevator with me, I’d have told you to go on and I’d wait for him so we could both get on the next elevator together. I can’t imagine holding up anyone else for more than a couple of seconds, like if the guy was already running down the hall to catch the elevator, at which point you should have been able to hear HIM screaming to hold the elevator.

Having said that, it’s no surprise I spend 90+% of my time in solitude. I don’t understand people much.

14

Jeez, Dinsdale, show a little respect! You can’t wait a puny five minutes for the Emperor and Vice Emperor of the World? Criminy.

15

I would have pushed all the buttons, then got off and taken the stairs.

16

Better yet, push the call button. When the desk asks what’s wrong, say, “There’s some asshole holding the door open and I can’t get to my train”