On October 1 hilariously inept politicos Jacob Wohl and Jack Burkman called a news conference that promised to reveal the name of the whistleblower! Oddly, only a few people, mostly tourists, showed up to the presser, which was held in the driveway of a family member. There were a few boxes of Dunkin Donuts, to entice the mob, and a poster that read: “Warren, Cougar?”
Instead of the promised whistleblower revelation, Wohl and Burkman thrust forward a former marine, who claimed that Warren had hired him repeatedly to be her escort. Apparently, the good Senator has an open marriage and is into some kinky shit. She was the dom, naturally.
To the surprise of no one, the allegations were disproved before the presser wrapped up. Fans everywhere seemed quite pleased by the Senator’s imaginary prowess, however.
Warren’s response: she’s a proud (Houston) Cougar and supporter of public education. 
