To those who send me these emails,
Yes, I know about the Chinese proverbs about the rules for life.
Yes, I know about the woman who died and she was saving her good perfume / good clothes / good dishes for special occasions, and not to waste a second of the day.
Yes, I know the joke about the husband who comes home early and his wife’s lover is in the closet with her son who bribes him.
Yes, I know the joke about the rabbi, the priest and the pastor.
Yes, I know I’m your ‘special friend’ with pics of kittens to prove it.
Yes, I know EVERY fucking day of the calendar is “girlfriend’s day”
Yes, I know about the virus that does this that and the other (a parody joke)
Yes, I know that this child is “missing” and Bill Gates is paying $0.30 every time this email is forwarded*.
[COLOR=Purple]No, Bill Gates doesn’t give you money for this. There is absolutely NO WAY of knowing whose email goes where and if it’s forwarded. If you’re expecting a cheque in the mail because you tortured everyone in your email contact list, don’t hold your breath.
Yes, I know how Martha Stewart will decorate her jail cell.
Yes, I know that if I forward this to a certain amount of people, then a relative amount of good luck will happen to me.*
** I never believed that if I sent this email to one person, this would happen. If I sent it to two people, this much more would happen. And with TEN, I’d own the fucking world. Do you REALLY believe this? Is it that 1% of doubt in you that makes you send it “just in case”. Well I proved it. I sent ONE of those emails out to everyone (including the sender). I clocked it. NO GOOD NEWS WAS RECEIVED, as I thought! So I sent out a follow-up, stating this. And said: I’ve done it. It doesn’t work. Now stop sending me these emails. I’ve also clocked a non-response email. Sorry, bad things did NOT happen to me. I’ve sent out these results as well, but somehow that didn’t stop the emails.
Yes, I know about this email, because if you look on the TO line of the email you got, MY NAME WAS ON IT***
Just take a fucking minute to look at WHO that email was sent to, and then DO NOT send it to them! Simple, no?
Yes, I’m aware there’s a virus “teddy bear” in my computer and to delete it.*
**** Christ almighty! When you get something like this, HOW HARD IS IT TO GOOGLE? I appreciate that you’re doing what you think is best to help. But is there NOTHING that makes you slightly dubious? First thing you should do before sending out MORE emails is checking if the virus exists and then checking if you have it. My G-d. You’re like a cyber-chicken-little. And NO, that TEDDY BEAR is NOT a virus, it BELONGS THERE.
I have told you time and time again to check this stuff out first. At first, very patiently. And then a second reminder. Then a third. ARE YOU NOT GETTING THESE EMAILS? You’re STILL doing it![/COLOR]
Thank you very much. If I’ve seen it a kagillion times, please don’t tell me this is the first time you’ve seen it and you think it’s earth-breakingly new.
You are worse than spam! I have a way of fighting spam! I don’t have a way of fighting YOU, my FRIEND. I’ve got you on my SAFE LIST, on my CONTACT LIST. Your email addy has been granted the carte blanche of addys. For fucks sakes, stop sending me this JUNK. Stop sending me this CRAP that wastes my time.
Are you for fucking REAL?
Most Sincerely,
Cheeky Monkey
If you want to have good news in one hour, send this to 1 person.
If you want to have good news in two hours, send this to 2 people.
If you want to have good news in three hours, send this to 3 people.
IF YOU EVER WANT TO SPEAK TO ME AGAIN, MAKE SURE YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WHOLE POST!
