Yesterday I stumbled across this hilarious thread, which someone had resurrected from a couple of years ago. Since it is so large and unwieldy, I thought I’d start a new thread on the same subject, with a link back to the original thread. The subject line says it all: Embarassing or funny sex stories. I’ll make a starting contribution of my own, and if I get a positive response, I’ll throw in another story or two.
I shared my first apartment with two roommates. We lived on the first floor in a two story building. This meant that we heard EVERY noise the people above us made, and boy, did they make a lot of noise. We referred to them as “The Rabbits.” The Rabbits screwed like bunnies–I’m talking 5 and 6 times a day, EVERY SINGLE DAY. We had a chart in the kitchen where we kept track of how many times they had sex on a given day, and in what room (there were ways of telling. Squeaking bed springs = bedroom. A sort of muffled, rythmic sliding noise, we determined, was the living room. And so on.)
I was part of a campus youth group, and Sunday nights we hosted a bible study. In our apartment. You see where this is going. We were all sitting in a circle in our living room, with 15 or 20 people from our church, when one of my roommates caught my eye. Her eyes flicked up towards the ceiling. Then I heard it. The muffled thumps that meant the Rabbits were rolling around on the bed, engaged in foreplay. I knew from experience that raucously squeaking springs would follow. Not wanting to start praying or something, only to be interrupted by our upstairs neighbors getting to know one another biblically, I mouthed, “What do we do?” At this point my roommate loudly interrupted whoever was speaking and suggested, “Let’s sing a hymn, everyone!” Most unfortunately, the only hymn that occured to her was, “Bind Us Together, Lord.” Luckily, she and I were the only ones who realized what was going on, as the hymn singing drowned out the activity from upstairs. We kept it up for quite a while.
Later that night, I typed up a note for our neighbors. It said, “Could you guys please not have sex on Sunday evenings from 6-9 PM? We host a bible study and it’s a little distracting. Thanks, your downstairs neighbors.”
The next morning I found my note crumpled up on our porch.
At least they didn’t have revenge sex the next Sunday.