I remember this being covered before, but it got really long and I didn’t want to resurrect it. I was at my parents’ house yesterday and we were going over some old stories. Anyway, this one happened to a some friends of my mom’s. I’m pretty sure I have all the facts straight.
They had a boy, probably about 4yo, and were getting ready for somebody to some visit. I think it was a cousin, or something. Anyway, the lady coming over had a problem with not bathing regularly, and so a smell followed her wherever she went. This led to her problems getting dates and such. They were talking to my mom about this problem and asked her if they should mention it to her when she came too visit. My mom said that if she really considered her a friend, she might want to gently break it to her.
Well, the day comes and she arrives at the door. They let her in and she starts getting settled. She went to go sit on the couch and called the little boy over. She was playing with him for a while, when the inevitable happened. He looked up at her and asked, “Am I your friend?”.
His dad shot out of the room as fast as he could and ran toward the garage. His mom heard him ask the question, and seeing what was coming, dropped a pan of food she was carrying and starting running to go stop him. Too late. She told him he was in fact her friend and he simply said, “You smell bad.” His mom, realizing she was too late, ran back in the kitchen and called my mom. My mom told her just to tell her cousin that he’s been telling everybody that and was getting in trouble for it. I’m not sure what she did, but if she got out of it, we need to make her a high level foreign diplomat.
My three year old has the conversational gambit of giving the same piece of news to everyone she meets–strangers on the street, friends, the milkman, clerks at the store, whoever.
Well the current one, announced proudly to everyone is: “My brother David has a sac like round ball under his peter.”
(The background on this is that poor little David has a hydrocele in his scrotum and we, as conscientious parents were trying to explain this to big sister.)
When I was little, my father accidentally hit me in the cheek while closing our car door, leaving a huge bruise.
The next day, Daddy and I were at the groccery store, and a woman came up and asked me, “Oh honey, what happened to your face?”
According to my dad (I don’t remember this at all…well, I remember getting hit with the door, just not this episode after), I gave a HUGE grin and announced, “OH, my daddy hit me!”
She gave him a really nasty look!
My son was about 3 weeks old when we went to the "graduation"for our childbirth class. (yeah, rick came on week 3 of a 6 week course. If he’d been on time,we could have gone from graduation to delivery room with no pause. As it was, Rick had to get out early.)
So, I’m feeding him, he’s slorping like it’s the greatest thing since sliced bread. Then I burp him. We are in the handing out of certificates when all of a sudden BRAAAAAAAAAP.
I sit there, in stunned silence. My Wife is cowering. Everyone looks around at us. All I can say is “That was my son, you’ll have to pardon him.”
keep a list of all of these examples, then when your child is, oooohhhhh, about 13 or so remember to drop them off at school with a big hug and kiss, and say really loud, ilove you sooooo much my widdle boo booo beaar. make sure you do this when friends are over as well.
I may have mentioned this before. When my daughter was three she screamed and screamed for a policeman in the middle of a crowded street one day because, and I quote: “Mommy farted! Police! Police! Police”
A co-worker once put her 2 year old on speaker at work.
“Whatdaya doing Paul?”
“I’m playing with my weiner.” was his lisping reply.