Embarrassing Moments

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I want to hear about your most embarrassing moments.

True or false I dont care as long as its a good one ending in someone with his head red as a pumpkin.

I’ll start

We all know constructionworkers love to whistle when pretty woman walk on bye. I dont know why but that afternoon I felt like a contructionworker (without the scaffold) and with my two friends by my side I felt courageous so I whisled to a woman. She turned around, walked up to me and slapped me in the face. Ok now I know why constructionworkers are always ON the scaffold when they whistle. High and safe. You are never too old to learn.

That evening I had to go with my girlfriend to her parents house. Guess who opened the door? Right, her mother and the slapper are one…

Can you top this or do you have a better one or can you make my humilitation more cruel, feel free to try.

Kind regards

Sportshoe

2

My boyfriend and I both started at different uni’s a couple of months ago. As soon as my boyfriend had left home his little sister moved all her stuff into his room.

Well to celebrate our 6 month aniversary we both went home for the weekend. And he hijacked his old room back. (It has a double bed). Well we were erm… “celebrateing” in his room when his sister decided she needed something from “her” room. So she wondered in. Without knocking, and saw more then she needed to. I’m not sure who was more embarrassed!

3

It could have been worse.

Her computer in her room could have been on, her webcam could have been connected to the internet and she could have been logged in in a chatroom called “older men for younger women who share video’s”

How about that? :wink:

4

LMAO. Good point. :slight_smile:

5

Or, Rockstar Barbie with needlehair could have been in your bed meaning something got punctured and 9 months later you start puffing.

Or to be utterly embarressed.

The morning after at the coffee table your boyfriends parents tell you they heard you last night but they didn’t mind because it only lasted for 5 minutes

6

Once again I’m LMAO. Although rockstar barbie ain’t gonna happen as I’m on the pill.

As for the parents. Well, his room IS next door to his mums… :smiley:

7

This happened to my GF not me. One night her and her friends were drinking and pool hopping in her neighborhood. After a hopping the first few pools they decided to skinny dip in the next. Shortly after jumping into the pool the lights in back of the house came on. In a panic the girls got out of the pool , grabbed their clothes and ran into the woods. Everyone but my GF. She got out of the pool alright but left her clothes in her rush to escape into the woods. The home owner came out to inspect the noise, found her clothes, picked them up and went into the house again. The girls had all split up in to get away and left my GF stuck in the woods in her birthday suit.
She waited awhile hoping they would come back but unfortunately for her the never did.
She was able to cut through the woods to get to her own backyard and hung out waiting for her family to go to bed. When the coast was clear she went into her yard ,covered with mud ,mossquito bites and briar scratches, grabbed the hidden key for the backdoor.
Opened it up only to walk into the house butt nekid with her 15 year old brother and a bunch of his friends hanging out and watching movies.
This happened 10 years ago and she still hasn’t lived it down.

8

I was the passenger in my friends car on the way to a concert. We were following several other cars. We decided that we wanted to stop off at a dunkin donuts to get some coffee for the ride. At the next red light, I jumped out of the car and ran up to the car ahead of us to tell them that we wanted to stop. I rushed up ahead and I flung open the front door, already blabbering away about iced coffees. To a complete stranger… Screams all around! Turns out the car I wanted was the car ahead of this one. I bet that lady locks her doors every time she gets in the car, now.

9

meow meow thats a good one.

But as always it could be worse.

You could have been so drunk you opened the wrong car and thats why you did not see the big blue lights attached to the roof. The cops arrest you and put you in jail next to a gay giant called Tiny because a horses … looks tiny compared to his.

embarrassing enough?

Come one people follow the example of jamie and meow and give me your best shot

10

this is an incident that happened to me just a couple of weeks ago. Originally posted it on theNADS Straightdope Board, but what the hell, its time for more people to laugh at my misfortune… (btw sorry for the length!)

In which utkik shames himself - at a funeral

Okay, an ex-girlfriend’s younger brother died the other day, and yesterday was the funeral, and I had hoped to go in a sincere and sombre fashion to pay my respects. But no, some things just have a way of going wrong. And wrong they went, as follows:

First off I was late. Now that wouldnt usually bother me if it was a regular Jebus mass, but something like this is a different story. So I arrive in to a packed church, and because I knew the family so well, I had to go up near enough to the front. so that meant a lot of shuffling and head turning and glares and I swear the priest paused a little to let people know he was being distracted by this black-hearted heathen who was earning himself a cosy little spot in the firey pits of Hades. So after a couple of more tuts, I find a pew and squeeze in (and squeeze I did - trust me to pick the row specially reserved for the wheezy asthmatics who spend all day watching Judge Judy and eating deep fried chocolate)

So the ceremony had started at this stage and the priest was picking up a good rhythm with all sorts of verbose crap. And of course my attention starts to wander …
Priest: “Who can know the mind of God? Who can know His intentions?”
Me: I wonder what Macho Man Randy Savage is doing these days?
Priest: “We must realise my children, that God is love, and though his ways are strange, He brings us all into his bosom”
Me: Jake the Snake Robert’s wife was hot. She had a good bosom.
Priest: “So though the deceased has gone from this mortal coil, he is happier now, looking down on all of us”
Me: That blonde bird has a nice rack too. Man, I wish I had an Audi S8 right now, I’d rev the hell out of the thing. vrrooooom vrooooom!
Priest: "Let us now take a moment to ourselves to reflect on God’s everlasting Love.
Me: I need to fart.

And this is where it started to go a little wrong for me. The church fell into a revered silence, and I started to regret the Bran Flakes I had for breakfast. You know when you can actually feel the bubble of the fart sneakily slide towards your ass? Well I had my sphincter on full lockdown and the evil thing was still squirming to get through. This was not good - the church was crowded, and the church was quiet.
So I focused all my zen on willing the fart to just retreat back a little, promising the little guy that if he waited for another 10 minutes then I would happily tootle him out at Mach 2 in a fiery brown frenzy. Well he seemed a little happy with that and went back to hibernation. I breathed a sigh of relief, and while everyone else still pondered the mind and will of God, I went back to thinking how big my swimming pool would be when I win the Lotto.

But I felt something else happen - the Surprise Sneeze. Now we all know what this one is. The usual sneeze gives about a 20 second warning - you spend the 20 seconds looking like youre chewing a lemon ball so sour it has to be contained in its own magnetic field while saying “aah aaaah wuh wuahh wuuaaahh hya hyaaaaaa CHOOOOOO”. But the surprise sneeze is the ninja assassin. One second youre fine, the next youve ruptured your abs and sprayed yourself. You get about a second of a warning.

So this is what happened to me. It crept up on me all quiet like and then screamed “BOO!! HERE I AM, I’MGONNAEXPLODEANDYOURENOTREADY!!!” So I had about a milisecond to realise: “Shit, this isnt good, I have to try and numb this down so I dont spray the congregation”
So I stopped the sneeze (thank you God). But I forgot about some fundamentals of physics, namely Energy is neither created nor destroyed, it simply changes from one form to another. So all the tidal wave of sneeze energy had been blocked, but it couldnt just dissipate. No, it had to rebound off my throat and hurtle back down, aided by gravity, as an avalanche. Evil Farty McFart saw this and shouted “Woohoo!!! Surf’s up dude!!”

And lo, the evil burst forth into the world. A clammering of the bells from Hell and the evil sulphur of Satan himself cracked into the congregation, and spread throughout the holy house.

Now most men (and not a few women) are secretly proud of our farts , but by Jeebus this one rocked me to my core. Not only was the stink pure and utter concentrated malevolent evil, but the noise was a wonder of the world. Not a wet spluttery tootle, nor a high-pitched squeal but somewhere between the two. Dogs dropped dead at the whistle, yet the rumble was enough to be felt as a tremor in Armenia.

And of course, this didnt go un-noticed. Everyone else was just wrapping up their private reflections when this started so the silence was quite deafening. My only saving grace was I was in a Holy House, otherwise I’d have been belted by blue-rinsed old ladies’ handbags from all directions. All the blokes in the surrounding few rows went red holding the laughter, while all the women went indignant and insulted. But when the smell hit them it turned into a sniffing, coughy chaos. My name was marked from then on as an evil demon. So I mustered wht dignity I could and quietly slipped out at communion time.NADS Straightdope Board

11

Crouched in the kneehole of a desk in a bank manager’s office, I’m installing a new combination holdup/camera button, following an office remodel. The utility knife blade is dull, and as the outer sheath refused to let go, I mutter, “Will you just strip, Goddamit?”

Unbeknownst to me, the attractive female manager was standing on the other side of the desk, and upon hearing my statement, circles the desk, puts her fingers to her blouse buttons and says, “You brute. I thought you’d at least ask me to dinner first.”

No smiley does it justice.

12

Can’t recall if I’ve shared this one before . . .

Place: Baltimore

Time: late 1970s

I am walkin’ down the street, wearing those awful hooker platform sandals that were the only thing you could buy in the 1970s, a black wraparound Danskin skirt, with a shortie baby-doll nightie tucked into it as a lacy kind of blouse.

“Hmm-mmm-mmm-mmm,” just walkin’ down the street, and I glance into a shop window and see my reflection and realize that my skirt has untied and dropped off about two blocks back and I am strutting along wearing nothing but hooker shoes and a shortie baby-doll nightie!

Imagine my chagrin. I have not work a wrap skirt since. Don’t trust the bastards.

13

my god utkik, your story does not need changing or deteriorating. It was a perfect story of pure and stinking embarrassment. I almost pissed myself reading it. Wouldn’t that be an embarrassment here at work.

I have anotherone about farts. I was in the elevator with another guy who just farted. The smell starts to spread and takes my breath away. The stinking bastard reaches his floor and escapes as fast as he can. Me all alone in the smell. Instead of going in one straight line to my floor, nooo the elevator has to make it worse and stops a few floors below mine. A beautiful woman gets in the elevator and guess what she was thinking when she saw my red head and smells the sulfur from mount doom?
Right. Embarressment Rules

14

lol Uktik…That’s one of the funniest things I’ve ever read in my life.

15

Good lord utkik, that has to be the funniest thing I’ve read since the telemarketing flame. I came here to add my own revelation but now all I can think about is righteousness and indignation.

Thanks for the brightest spot in an otherwise dreary day!

16

This is an open invitation to one of my favourite joke formats, the Good, the Bad and the Ugly.

The Good: Your boyfriend is so turned on by your new outfit that he just has to have you right there and then on the dining room table.

The Bad: He breaks some dishes when he sweeps them aside to hoist you up on top of the table to have his way with you.

The Ugly: Your parents hadn’t finished eating yet.

17

My mother has a positive gift for congratulating pregnant women who haven’t announced their pregnancy yet. And/or women who aren’t pregnant at all.

The most memorable occasion was a woman in our church whom she hadn’t seen in awhile; the woman said something about “expecting” and my mother said, “Oh my goodness! Congratulations! I noticed you’ve gotten so much bigger! Are you due soon?”

The woman was only 2 months pregnant.

Perhaps the icing on the cake was her response to my mother’s embarrassed and profuse apology. “Oh, the Lord must have wanted me to hear that. It’s a blessing.”

The Lord might have been happy about my mother basically telling her she was as big as a house, but I’d have kicked her ass.

18

I’m quite sure I’ve posted this one before, but what the hell.

I was at a party back when I was about 17 or 18. Needless to say, I was pretty wasted. There was this very hot girl there. I was checking her out virtually all night. One of my boys whispered to me, “So, what do you think of her?”

I blurted out, quite loudly in fact, “I’d sure like to fuck her!”

Everyone turned around, including her, as she said, “WHAT did you just say?”

19

Ok I have anotherone.

One of my female colleagues came to work one morning still furieus about an incident the evening before.
Every evening after work her husband comes to pick her up at the corner of the street. Now we work in a very nice neighbourhood close to the trainstation. But on the other side of the station you have an area filled with peep-show bars, prostitutes, strippclubs, sex shops … you name it they have it. I’ve been told :wink:

And because we work in an area with nice boulevards and lots of place to drive around the block, it happens that some prostitutes come to our side in the evening. The more lampposts the more opportunities.

So what happened that one evening, can you already guess? When my colleague was waiting for her husband at the corner of the street a car stopped and signaled to her. She probably thought he was asking for direction but great was her surprise when he was asking her how much.

That is why she was still furious that morning.

I told her it was good and bad.

what do you mean she asked me.

Well, said I, the good news is you still look good enough to be picked up but the bad news is you look like a hooker.

I’m still not fully recovered.

20

Hey danceswithcats (I remember you from the good news bad news game)

That was not an embarrassment but an opportunity.

An embarrassment would have been a male gay clerk thinking it was an opportunity and jumping you while you are still on your knees. AND you just put up a test link to your office to see if the newly installed camera’s are working properly. So the whole office has a clear view of your anal deflowering.