I’m a 22 year old lady and I’m still a virgin. It’s not because I want to be, or because I’m saving myself- it’s because it HURTS. I’ve only tried once or twice because it’s that painful.
It’s not the going-in part that hurts, it’s just that when he reaches a certain point he can’t go in any further. I uh, haven’t been “broken” yet.
My boyfriend’s been pretty patient but I feel like I’m letting him down, like I’m a failure because I can’t do this. It just hurts too much and while we do try, I end up crying in pain and we have to stop.
I heard that some people have a condition where their hymen is tougher than leather and they have to be broken by a metal instrument by a doctor. My problem is that
i’m too embarrassed to tell my mom that I might need to go to a doctor for something like this.
How do I know for sure that this is the sort of treatment I need?
Does it hurt? Or, does it hurt more than when I try to have sex? how much does it hurt? Does the doctor numb you or anything first? Has anybody here ever had this done?
Is it possible I might just be able to get “broken” by my boyfriend if we just work at this a bit?
I don’t know…what do you do in a situation like this?
I’m sorry, you’re 22, why do you need to tell your mom when and why you want to go to the doctor? You’re a big girl - go on your own. Or if you can’t face the family doc, go to Planned Parenthood.
Do you really feel you must tell your mother? Why can’t you make an appointment on your own? You are well into adulthood and should be doing things like this on your own.
If you are financially dependent on your parents, that doesn’t matter. You can make a GYN appointment without going into specifics about why you want to.
Have you never seen a gynecologist before? If not, and if you’re considering having sex, you really should. If nothing more than to get an exam as a baseline, to discuss birth control options, and to start getting pap smears.
Level with us. You’re not really 22 are you? If your mother’s insurance is involved, then you’re still younger or a full time student in college. If you’re in college, just go to the Quack Shack. If you’re not in college and 22, then you’d be own your own already and mama isn’t involved.
Basically, you’ve got three options: go see a doctor and get this taken care of with appropriate pain control, let your boyfriend do it and go through even more pain than you’ve had so far, or never have sex. I’d go for the first one.
If you’re in college, haul yourself off to the student health center to get checked out. If not, call PP or tell your mom that you feel it’s time you started seeing a gynecologist. You’re plenty old enough to be getting annual paps, whether you’re sexually active or not, and they can determine whether or not you need medical assistance with breaking your hymen. If so, they’ll either give you some mild sedation or some topical anesthetic (my gyno offered both when she put in my IUD). They’re not going to just let you sit there in horrible agonizing pain. Yeah, it’s possible that you could do this on your own, but it’s not likely to get any less painful.
You’ve received some very sound advice. But, the bottom line is to see a qualified gynecologist. A message board is not the place to obtain a medical diagnosis.