I have a friend that asked me these questions and I was not sure how exactly to answer her. She is a virgin and is about to have sex with her significant other. She wanted to know if there is anyway you can know for sure if your hymen has been broken and if not how can you break it without having intercourse to break it because she would like her first experience to not be painful and not involve any blood (I told her it does not always involve blood but she is still concerned about that). I know it is an odd question. I know the hymen CAN be broken without having intercourse from certain activities and such but I did not know if there was an exact way to know for sure. And I certainly had no ideas for her on how to break it before she had sex or even if that would be safe? Thanks for all your help in advance
FYI: She has not used tampons before
Read The Red Tent by Anita Diamant. It describes ancient Hebrew women performing a ceremony on a pubescent girl at her first moonblood using a small, specially shaped Goddess figurine which is oiled and used for the purpose you describe.
There are stores which supply such oil, and figurines (or other desireable shapes).
I guess if it’s not broken then she needs to break it. It normally breaks when you stick something largish up there. I don’t know how you’d tell her to do that though. Does she use tampons?
MMmmmmm Hmmmmm 
Mine just wasn’t there. No blood. No pain. Gone. I never really looked into WHY it wasn’t there, but that is a curious thing, isn’t it?
And no, I’m not an equestrian. But I did use my ten-speed as much as the average kid did, pre-Sega. Tampons?
I guess if I was your friend, and that was a concern of mine, I’d get a dildo and “take care of business”.
It is well known and accepted by Real Men everywhere, that the pain and blood are among the best parts of deflowering a virgin.
I recommend she (you? ) find somebody really big and macho, who isn’t concerned with such trivialities as “lubrication” and “foreplay” (which is a myth), and who knows how to fuck really hard and pop that cherry good.
(Insert tongue-in-cheek emoticon here) Fuck 'em if they can’t take joke.
Any doctors in your “friend’s” neighborhood? I’ve heard rumors that they can help.
I mean real ones, with offices and everything.
If she really wants to know for sure, I think she will have to go to the doctor. However, if she’s going to start being sexually active it’s time to start going for papsmears and pelvic exams anyway, so if she hasn’t started doing that, now is a good time to start.
This is a tmi paragraph
Before I had sex, I did all the things that are supposed to damage your hymen incuding practicing with a toy that was big enough that you would think it would do the trick. I was pretty gentle at first, but I got pretty good with it and figured if I could do that, I was home free. The first time I had sex it still hurt so we were very gentle and sedate. There was a little bit of blood and it hurt, but I figured since we got it in there, way to go me, I was not a virgin. The second time I had sex, it still hurt but not too bad and we were not extremely forceful but this time we moved around a lot more and afterwards when I went to the bathroom there was a lot of blood.
I looked down there all the time in those days. Nothing ever looked different to me. It still looks the same as far as I can tell. I figure that’s regular from looking at pictures of other people’s crotches on the informative and helpful internet.
Moral of the story is that you can’t know how tough your hymen is from looking and feeling or from evidence like what sized stuff you can fit in there in the privacy of your own bathtub.
I think the doctor can tell her whether her hymen is thin or thick and whether it is intact enough that it will bleed. I’m not sure if it’s common but I have heard that if someone’s hymen is a tough cookie the doctor can snip it. I’m not 100% sure. Either way, though, from my experience, trying to break your own hymen is a fool’s game.
I will just add that these first two times of having sex weren’t spoiled at all by my hymen. I should not have made such a big deal about it and I don’t think she should either.
Ok first…it really isn’t me asking this…I am sexually active and I honestly didn’t know the answer to this question because I never really thought about and was not a concern when I began having sex. My friend was too shy to ask herself so I decided I would ask for her (she is a member on the board). I also thought it was a very interesting question because I have never really heard anything about it or found anything on the internet when I began searching for my friend. Thanks for all your help thus far guys, everything you are saying is interesting and good info 
keep the info coming!
Another TMI for ya …
Sometimes having sex doesn’t do the trick, either.
I know this because I still had part of mine when I gave birth. The OB had to cut it away so the baby’s head could get out.
this isn’t really info this is a related question. all you girls out there- when you broke your hymen, did you lose pieces of flesh as well as blood? I did, and now I’m starting to think that’s unusual. I also bled more than any period in my life.
I just lost blood. And it was less blood then a period.
I think pokey has provided the best answer: have her go to her gynecologist, explain her situation, and ask for advice (and, perhaps, some physical help).
I am not a (medical) doctor, but I play one at home sometimes. The fact is that the hymen, a thin tissue that covers the opening to the vagina, is almost always perforated to some extent. If a girl has her period and has blood flow, then there is an opening. Some have several openings. Some are large, some are not. Some are more flexible or easily stretched than others. Some do stretch during childhood play, exercise, masturbation, etc. Some do not. About 50% of first intercourses result in some sort of tear of the tissue. That means, of course, that about half don’t. For some women, the tissue tears later in their sexual lives, when having particularly vigorous intercourse, or with a large partner. For some women, the tissue tears and there is virtually no pain and no bleeding. In my view, this girl does not know enough about her own body to begin sexual experimentation. She sounds very young and certainly naive. As TomnDebb suggest, shy or not, if she’s about to start down that path, she better get the brains, if not the courage, to see her doctor. And have her ask about birth control while she’s at it. She sounds terribly uneducated about these things. As much fun as sex is, it’s not a game. Too shy to post an anonymous question on this BBS? Sheesh. xo C.
I’m fairly certain doctors have methods of breaking the hymen.
This might really be TMI, but I have honestly never understood how being an equestrian can help break a girls hymen. I know it does, but I don’t know why, I mean riding horses doesn’t exactly involve shoving things up there. Anyone have some sort of explanation?
IANADoctor, or a woman for that matter.
However…
From what I learned in 6th grade biology, a girl’s hymen can be broken by stress, however mild, in that region. Riding a bicycle, riding a horse, etc.
The first time I had sex it consisted only of penetration (not really how I define “sex”), but it was enough to break the hymen, and I spotted some (as in “bled a little”) the next day. Nothing really significant though.
Then a couple months later (when I did the real deal) it hurt, but there was no blood. Your friend should know that bleeding is okay and nothing to be ashamed of. Any guy who is sexually active (and not a complete jerk) will know this. Women can bleed after they’ve been sexually active for years and years, because of lack of lubrication, or uh…rough intercourse.
Is your friend old enough to drink wine? If she has a glass or two before getting busy it might help her relax and make it a more comfortable experience…
Thanks for all your advice. I think she is starting to feel a little better but the advice I gave her was to just relax and to not really expect anything (which some of you said) if you expect anything then there is room for disapoinment, I also told he to not try and break it herself, she is in love with this person so he should be conscience of her fears and physical limits of the first time. You guys are awsome, keep the info coming
I think it has something to do with Eduardo, the dude who mucks out the stalls. ;-)~