The subject came up in my college years. You’ve been invited to your girlfriend’s parents’ home for dinner. You excuse yourself to use the bathroom. Where you find the commode so full of water, there is no “dry land” to aim for. How do you avoid making an embarrassing noise, one wall away from the diningroom?
We came up with only two good solutions. (Running the sink loudly and long merely underlines the problem–and could create the impression that you peed in the sink.)
First: kneel down, insert your member into the water, and cut loose in total silence.
Second, and best: remove your trousers, shorts, and one sock. Place your bare foot in the water and pee down that leg. Use the guest towel before re-dressing.
I’m guessing by the time you’ve earned a dinner invite, your girlfriend has already figured out that you sometimes pee. This isn’t new information she’s getting based on hearing a faint splashing noise. Unless you are doing something else in there that is creating noises I’m not familiar with.
Also, I notified a mod to move this into a more appropriate forum where more people will see it.
I pull back before the end, doing the splash-splash-splash that usually signals a finish. Then I let out an “ahhhhh” and start again, aiming for maximum noise. If I really have to go, I may do a third round.
Upon return, I ask the parents if they’ve ever been to Niagara Falls.
I’m minded of Swift’s glorious poem The Lady’s Dressing Room in which the besotted Strephon sneaks into his beloved’s bedroom and spies on her preparing to go to bed. Growing more and more disillusioned as he watches, the last straw is when she makes use of the chamber-pot. He reels from the room amidst the rising stink:
I suspect your inamorata would not be equally appalled to discover that you piss, although I know what you mean about embarrassing sounds.
