I hate to hijack such a productive thread, but…
Cite?
Hah… Worrying about peeing? Nothing to be embarrassed about there.
When you have terrible gas during a Christmas party, go into the bathroom in the other room to pass it rather loudly, and come out to find out that the bathroom’s walls have NO sound insulation, and you happened to let loose with your tuba solo just at the same time as a lull in the party noise, then we’ll talk.
Oops. :smack: I stand corrected. Fascinating.
I hate to raise a complete irrelevancy so late in an illustrious and fascinating thread :rolleyes:, but what column does this have anything to do with?
Good point. I’ve flagged it for a moderator to move to MPSIMS.
And urine is not sterile:
This little old lady goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor I have this problem with passing gas, but it really doesn’t bother me too much. It never smells and it’s always silent. As a matter of fact I’ve passed gas at least 20 times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t know I was passing gas because it doesn’t smell and it’s silent.”
The doctor says “I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week.” The next week the lady goes back. “Doctor,” she says, “I don’t know what you gave me, but now my passing gas… although still silent, it stinks terribly.”
“Good”, the doctor said, “now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, we’ll start to work on your hearing.”
Urinal 101: Aim for the back wall or the water?
Truly, Cecil has addressed all matters of public import. 
All this seems a waste of perfectly good territory-marking pee.
Scratch at the door until someone let’s you out, then pee just a little on all the vertical posts around the yard, try to make a circle. And pay attention, make sure they’re posts and not someone’s leg or anything.
Obligatory Far Side link: https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/dd/48/10/dd4810617f1a6093f08c43739cba91b0.jpg
A word of warning, make sure it’s a printed image of a fly on the back of the urinal and not a real fly. A real fly will fly off and if you continue to aim for it, the guy next to you will get pissed off … or pissed on … so please be mindful of such …
On a field trip with another university a bunch of people were coming over to my room that night to watch a movie. So I prefilled several gallons of water in jugs beforehand and stashed them under the bathroom sink. Midway through the movie I went to pee and holding the jugs high above the urinal poured as loudly and forcibly as I could those gallons into the water. The lengthy fluid symphony was tremendous. Exiting I was sure everyone would be giggling and wondering wtf? but they all sat uncomfortably transfixed to the TV.
Later I asked one girl “Didn’t y’all hear all that?” Somewhat relieved, she said “lieu, we just thought you had one bigass bladder problem.”
You guys get games to play while peeing? No fair!
Neither, lean a little left or right and aim at an angle with the parabolic shape in the back, it’ll never splash back, just follow the angle of the back wall. Going straight at the back or straight at the water are the best ways to increase your chances of splashback!
We aim to please.
I just want to say how much I appreciate The Master bringing to our attention such an important and relevant matter. This gives us something to think about other than the deep and spiritual meaning of the words “SLOAN - Pat. Pend.”
If the toilet bowl is so full you can’t pee in it, imagine trying to poop. I guess that’s what the tank is for. Upper decker ho!
(ho as in an exclamation such as land ho, not insinuating anyone here is a whore)
(1:10 to 1:30)
Of course the obvious solution to the OP’s dilemma is to turn the fan on. I installed a nice LOUD fan in my powder room for that very purpose.