Embarrising Naked Moments. Pt 2

I realize most of you are young who read this, but I stumbled on your site. This is a choice story. I don’t get embarrised about being naked. I’m a nudist, naked bodies don’t excite me. If everyone was, rape wouldn’t exist. But, there is a time and a place in this society;

Picture this: I’m in bed, my (ex) wife lets the dog out, and comes to bed. We go to sleep. About 2 hrs. later Wendy wakes me up…“did you hear that?” I listen, nothing, go back to sleep. About 1/2 hr. later…“did you feel that?” “What? Go back to sleep!” Than I felt it,a whisper.
“Turn on the light.” The light goes on, and there is a bat, (really) flying around our bedroom. Wendy screems, dives under the bed, except we have a waterbed, I hear a thump. LOLOL I start laughing, she’s screaming, almost knocked cold. I start talking to the little guy in soothing tones.
He hangs from the curtain. I grab Wendy’s thick robe, spead it open and slowly approached the bat. (I didn’t want to kill him, he just was in the wrong place at the wrong time.) He knew he shouldn’t be here, he let me wrap him up in the robe.

I take him downstairs through the front door,
I open the robe and throw it up the the air at the same time, and yell “FLY.” The robe lands about 15 feet away. I walk over to it and inspect it. The bat is gone. WHEW! I walk back up the stairs on the porch, look down, and there is my man hood, for all the world to see! And lit up! I have an automatic light, and naturally, we sleep in the nude. I whirl around just in time to see a police crusier crusing by. Can you imagine??? True Story. They didn’t stop, and to this day, I don’t know why. LOL

Madness Takes its Toll,
Please Have Exact Change.

Well, Welcome to the Straight Dope.

That story is a riot, I must say. I’m very glad you didn’t kill the bat - thank you for that. I’m a bat-lover (little buggers eat the bejesus out of the ever present Michigan mosquitos!) and some people are so ignorant about them. Glad to hear you’re not one of them.

I squatted down today to pick up a heavy box and the back of jeans suddenly became ventilated. That’s about as naked as my stories get!

Wow, that’s one hell of an introduction!

Anything else we should know about you? :wink:

Eat right, exercise daily, live clean, die anyway.

Well, I really was a naked civil servant back in my college days. I posed nude for a couple of figure drawing classes. I never was embarrassed, but one time, while I was lying in a reclining position on my hip, with one leg bent so that my foot was on the floor, the department chair came in the door to talk to the teacher.

I said “Hi, Dr. Copeland! How’re you doing?”

She glanced over and got an unexpected eyeful - even more than you’d usually see from a model. It didn’t occur to me later why she stammered and excused herself.

Yeah, I saw that movie too. Anyway, I’m seventeen, sneaking into my GF’s house through the window to do the deed. There we are, going hot and heavy, when her mom knocks on the door. My GF shoves me in the closet, butt-nekid, onto a pile of old stuffed animals. She closes the closet door, but there is a small crack left open. She opens her bedroom door and is talking to her mom. The crack in the closet door matches up exactly with the crack between the door and the jam. I am looking right at my GF’s mom’s face and freaking out. Her mom is saying things like, “I heard some noise, are you ok?” and “What’s that smell?”. I swear to god she must see me sitting there naked as a jay sitting on Ernie and Bert, but no, she continues talking, for half and hour! We decided to leave the window open for emergency evacuation purposes after that.

“Everybody wants a rock to tie a piece of string around!”

No, not really, but being a nudist, I’ve had a few embarrising moments, but I saw this subject on an old post, don’t ask me how I stumbled on it. I read all the stories, and knew mine fit right in. LOL I am a lover of the outdoors, and the “all over tan.”

This could have been a lot more embarrassing than it was, but it still gives us a chuckle.

When our daughter was about 3, we were all sitting and watching cartoons one Saturday morning. Well, the littlun was so engrossed, my wife and I cocked our eyebrows at each other and tiptoed away to the bedroom.

When we were done, and were lying in each other’s arms in the afterglow, our daughter slowly pushes the door open and asks, “What are you guys doing up here?”

My wife, quick thinker that she is, said, “Oh, daddy and I are just cuddling.” Well, we were at that point, but not ten minutes prior to then! We told the kid to go back and watch TV, and we’d be right down. She never knew, and never asked. But it could have been a pretty close call. Eleven years later, my wife and I can still get each other to smile knowingly just by asking, “What are you guys doing?”

The Dave-Guy
“since my daughter’s only half-Jewish, can she go in up to her knees?” J.H. Marx

Rape wouldn’t exist if everyone were naked? Surely you can’t be serious???

Bunnygirl said:
I’m very glad you didn’t kill the bat - thank you for that.

My daughter also didn’t kill the bat. She got it wrapped up in a towel and let it go.
Then she noticed the small bite and blood on her hand.
A series of rabies shots and about $2000 later (not covered by insurance)she has decided the next bat dies.

Yeah, but Diver, killing the next bat could spread his rabies everywhere. Then you’d have to hope you cleaned everything, cleaned it thoroughly, and didn’t infect yourself in the process. If at all possible, call an exterminator.

Remember, I’m pulling for you; we’re all in this together.
—Red Green

This reminds me of a story my parents tell about my middle sis, when she was about three. The fam had gone out camping, and after the little ‘uns were down (they thought), Mom and Dad got frisky in the camper’s bed. They were interrupted by my sister poking my Dad in the back, asking: "Whatcha doin’ to my mommy?"

Teaching: The ultimate birth control method.

Laura’s Stuff and Things


My wife and I have been married for 21 years so please don’t put more into this than there is.

Ann, at the time was 17 and I was 26, she would come over to my place and spend most of her time after school (she was a senior) and all of her time on weekends. She did not spend the night!

I need to describe my place at the time…The only rooms I used were the bedroom and the kitchen, not to mention the john. The front room was not being used at all except for storage.

We had been fooling around a bit :)…we decided to try a bit of shaving, do I need to say where? This is an open board ya know… :slight_smile:

But alas, I had no razors! So I headed out for the store.

Whilst I was gone…
Ann was lounging naked on my bed waiting breathlessly (I’m sure) for my return…

She heard a noise in the front room. It seems she had not heard a knock on the door…

She assumed it was me.

The door opened…

It was her FATHER!!

He said excuse me, and left. The blessed man, may God rest his soul, never said a word to me about it.

BTW…she graduated HS as my wife.

danny said

this one could really start something…

“We should have as high a regard for the church so as to keep it out of as many things as possible”

Fluther Good -the Shadow of a Gunman.
Sean O’Casey

Just look up the statistics, the government has run the numbers. Also, look up the statistics for European countries, where modesty isn’t near as lucrative from big business. Do your home work.

Madness Takes its Toll,
Please Have Exact Change.

I’m not sure I follow you entirely, but I would just like to stress that we, Dutch people, tend to go around fully dressed in public.


"You know how complex women are"

  • Neil Peart, Rush (1993)

Sheesh … where to start?

It seems like you are looking only at stats, and attributing a lower rape rate to modesty alone. Of all the contributing factors to rape, I think modesty would be one of least significant.

But more importantly, you seem to saying that only “looks” are determinants of who gets raped. If so, why do 70 year olds get raped? Why do men get raped by men in prison?

I think you’re the one that needs to do some homework … along the lines of “rape is not a crime of passion” …

In just a minute of searching, these two refs came up …



The biggest thing to remember is that rape is not about sex, it’s all about power and exerting over another human being. It has nothing to do with nudity, attractiveness or sensuality. Remember there have been rape cases of incapacitated women in a vegetative state being raped, surely you can’t be saying that was about modesty?

Maybe european rape victims don’t repost it as much. Here’s an interesting fatc for you, in Afghanistan under Taliban rule, incidences of rape have skyrocketed, maybe those women aren’t showing enough “modesty” with their head to toe burkas?

Sorry, I don’t even know you but you have really picked a sore point with me.

Sorry, got off track, forgot your original point (comes from being way, way too tired). My original point stands though rape is about power, not sex, that’s why merely removing the penis of an habitual rapist doesn’t solve the problem (experiments have shown they will just “rape” using other objects).

To a certain extent, I agree with the OP that public nudity and a low frequency of rape can be linked. But I disagree that the cause and effect goes the way Dan Plays says. I think it’s the opposite; in societies where rape is a relatively uncommon crime, women feel safer and are therefore willing to appear in public with fewer clothes. In societies which are hostile to women and rape is more common, women feel more of a need for the psychological defense of concealment.

Actually I thought the issues was embarrasing naked moments. The numbers are these, this was a study done by the federal government when they were trying to ban nudism. Nudists, have far less sex frequency than the general population, they also have far less abortions per capita, they also have a much later age of intercourse than the general public. This is not fantasy. In Europe where topless beaches are far from the norm. Rates of rape, sexual abuse, and sexual serial murderers are not even on the scale, compared to the US. In fact, per capita, the US is by FAR! The leader in all these catagories. Times at least 1000!

Yes, we are different, we dress very provacativly in the US. The uplift bra is the hottest selling item in women’s apparel.
Why is that? If the women want to be modest.

Take away the clothes, and women lose their power. And they have a lot of it now, now, on their word alone, they can have anyone, even you, arrested for rape, or anything else they want to dream up. Yes, I know all about that issue. Why can’t I spell check this thing???