Nudity, and the Naked truth.

In My Humble Opinion
1

What was the strangest, or humorous time that you found yourself naked in a situation?

For me, I was working in a casino in Mississippi. There was something wrong with the air and I would get very hot wearing a long sleeve shirt, a tie and a vest. I told some of my regular customers that one day I was goin g to drive home naked.

From the casino to the house was all country. I got off at 4 AM. So after a sweaty night of dealing 21, I went behind a gas station, took all my clothes off including socks, rolled down the windows and drove home. I thought it would be a wonderful experience, but, in actuality, it was weird.

I had a friend in college who thought he was going to get lucky one night with a girl in a motel room. The girl told him to take all of his clothes off and go into the bathroom and wait until she called him out. He did, and the gal stole all of his clothes including his car keys! So, he put a towel around himself and walked home.

So, what are your naked experiences?

2

I was in college over spring break and staying with my girl in her high-rise dorm. All of her roomates (three) were off someplace, so we had the place to ourselves. We practically had the dorm to ourselves. Because of that (or possibly because one of her roomates had lost her keys and there was a slight chance that she would return) we had left the door open.

We had gone to bed and she was about half asleep and I was a little more than that when a figure appeared in the bedroom doorway and Pat, thinking it was the possibly returning roommate, “Linda?”

A male voice says “no” and kind of half laughs.

At this point Pat yelled, hit me in the ribs with her elbow and shouted my name. Being the glib individual I am I said something clever like “Huh?” (I have always been good with the quick comeback at just the right time) and fell out of bed (did I mention that I am extremly edept physically too?).

At this point the intruder realizes that the girl he was planning to attack is sleeping with either a male student or an extremely uncoordinated, not too-bright young great dane and in either case it might not be wise to hang around and he headed for the front door of the apartment and the stairs which were less than 10 feet away from Pat’s front door.

By this time, I had achieved the status of three-quarters awake and jump up and head for the door myself in pursuit being sufficiently awake to remember to grab a butcher knife on the way past the kitchen and to shout back at Pat to lock the door.

Unfortunately, I was not sufficiently awake to remember that I always sleep in the nude. About two floors down the stairs, it does occur to me that I am running naked in the stairwell of the girls’ floors of a dorm while I am holding a butcher knife. I realize that this is one of those situations where police people have been known to shoot two warning shots through the head of a suspect before actually asking questions of those involved.

Because of that reoccurring thought, I chose to call off the chase and head back to the room as nonchantly as a man in my state of undress and aramaments could.

Of course as soon as I did get back to the room, I couldn’t get in the room since Pat, as per my instruction, locked the door and on her own retreated to the opposite side of the apartment. So for the next ten to twenty minutes a naked man holding a butcher knife stood outside the dorm room on the tenth floor of Turner Hall knocking softly on the door trying to convince Pat Nicholas that I was indeed me and not some strange rapest.

TV

3

That’s classic.

4

Um.

Okay. Beats mine.

I was in college, and had met a nice, older lady who seemed kind of interested in playing “Mrs. Robinson,” and I was young and horny and not too bright, and she took me home with her on our second date.

She told me she was divorced.

I noticed the Fisher-Price toys here and there in the house. She assured me they were her niece’s.

I noticed the fact that the dwelling seemed more family-sized than individual-sized, but she assured me that it was because she had a roommate, female, who would be at work all day, and that we would be gloriously alone, all day, and (if we liked,) all night.

Sure enough, about a half hour later, we’re heavy into the clinches, and the sound of a car pulling into the driveway, followed by the slamming of a car door can be heard. I thought nothing of it. Perhaps her roommate was home early.

She, on the other hand, freaked, struggled out from under me, and ran to the window, looked down, and freaked some more. Yup. Was her husband.

Original plan: grab clothes, run downstairs, exit via kitchen door, jump backyard fence, and get dressed before fleeing.

Unfortunately, he was heard to begin ascending the stairs while I was still looking for my other shoe. Wound up going out the bedroom window, skittering around on the awnings while looking for a reasonable route to the ground, swinging down on a tree limb, and sneaking across the back yard… all while quite naked, clutching a ball of clothes to my crotch.

Never saw her again, after that. Probably the best thing for us both, really…

5

hahah… and I thought these things happened only in movies. Thankfully I have never gone thru anything similar… thou I have taken risks by “having fun” in cars.

6

Naked, chasing naked girlfriend around her parents house while they were at work, laughing like an idiot, umm…at “attention”. Rounded a corner and collided with stationary girlfriend who was standing before her startled mother and little sister. Slight pause…quick retreat…lots of laughter from mum and sister and loads of ‘taking the piss’ at tea time from her dad. Didn’t want to leave her bedroom due to embarrasment…not sure if I’m allowed to go back to her parents house when where on holidays in two months time.

That was three weeks ago.

7

Got another classically painfully embarassing memory from a few years ago. Again this involves someones mum and sister but they were the antagonists.

I Had been dating this girl from uni for about a week, She had stayed at my house a couple of nights. Her parents were having a party that weekend and I was invited (her parents partied like they were 18, they got pissed as at every opportunity…they were Scottish). During the party we snuck off to her room to have a bit of fun. We must have been louder than we thought we were because her mum and her sister burst into the room, laughing, due to the noises coming from within. They couldn’t have picked a more inopportune moment, right on the vinegar stroke!! I pulled out and shot on her leg, bedspread and god knows where else.

Embarrassing, yes, but it gets worse…her mum and sister, when they opened the door, let her dog in which jumped on the bed at that moment…I cum on her dog as well. (I can hear the jokes now “I burn your dog” “no, I cum your dog”)

Whever I went over there her mum would call the dog and say “Max, maxxie (the dog)! Your boyfriends here”. The dog jokes lasted the entire relationship.

Max the dog didn’t hold any grudges.

8

Hmmm, well… it has been about 5 years so I think I’m safe to relive it my naked experience here for you, the reader.

I worked for my last porn store in ‘98. I was very chummy with the boss and her boyfriend, there was a very fun atmosphere in our store and we all pitched in doing things like promotions and advertising. My boss gets this great idea of going around to the swingers’ clubs one night with a bunch of our store flyers and condoms.

I thought it was a good idea and didn’t hesitate to volunteer my free time. I drove to her apartment the night we had agreed upon, meeting up with my co-worker John (a very funny black guy who I later learned was very horny all the time), and the boss and her boyfriend. We take her car for convenience and head out to one of the closer clubs to her area.

We go inside and get in for free thanks to the promotion idea (flyers had coupons) and decide to check out the place. It was dark and rather nice inside, although the only people I saw were mostly male and older men at that. The music was loud and had a good beat so my boss and her hunny start to dance. John and I get some juice (no alcohol club) and sit around with our huge pile of flyers waiting for more folks to show.

After half an hour, the boss is chilling with her hunny, John and I have watched the ice in our juice melt, and we’re chatting. It was fun but no one other than the five or so lonely men, showed up. You can only hand the same guy a couple of condoms before he starts to think you’re either a cop or you want him superduper bad!

John at some point, looks up toward the top of the stairs at the back of the main room and smiles. He tells me about the window and so I look, too. Those must be the rooms… the rooms where the orgies happen, I joke. We point this out to the boss and she runs up there with the three of us trailing her, grinning like fools. The room is large with a huge bed and a jacuzi. The window overlooks the dancefloor and the tables, curtains wide open.

As I am looking out and down from the window, I hear a small splash. Huh? I turn around to see that John has stripped and is now immersed in said jacuzi. I doubt anyone has ever removed their clothing as fast as my coworker John in the recorded history of all mankind! My boss and hunny are chuckling as they too begin to strip themselves naked. Wha… ? Holy crap!

I turn around as quick as a whip! Wait a sec! What are you doing? I’m the odd man out here. I remain clothed in this house of sin, oh crap.

I hear them calling me, they want me to join them. Oh Christ. How, I mentioned I was good pals with everybody but… but… we’re in a swingers’ club. I felt tacky and cheesy and nervous. I liked my boss but come on! I felt weird, really weird but the pressure was on. Am I a woman or a fuddy duddy? I am woman, hear me roar…

Yes, I did it. I stripped and dunked. With my co-workers, with her boyfriend… in a swingers’ club. In a swingers’ club jacuzi… EWWW! I took a few showers before I really felt untainted later that night. Hold your stones, people. What would you have done?

9

I have no embarrasing naked stories about myself, so I’ll just tell you my dad’s!

When I was about 10 my mum left the door unlocked. Some wierdo came in and came into my room at 3am. I work up and the guy ran off. My parents didn’t believe me but a spare key was missing.

A couple of months later he comes back. This time visiting my parents room. My dad sleeps naked, and jumped out of bed. Chased this guy out of the house and round the neighbourhood NAKED until he lost him.

10

I bought some acreage about five years ago, it was hot and I just said What the hell, stripped and spent the next twenty minutes riding naked on my motorcycle. I kept hearing this sound, but couldn’t figure it out, I stopped to listen, it was a car horn on the ridge, hands waving out the windows, horn blaring…:smiley:

11

Years ago I was dating this girl who was still living at home (we were both about 22 I think) We went to her place early one afternoon to do a little fooling around. Well we did the deed then afterwords I told her I was hungry. She told me there was sandwich stuff in the fridge and that I should go make my self one. (This after assuring me that dad wouldn’t be home any time soon) Anyway feeling kind of silly I put on her panties and bra then proceeded out to the kitchen. (I was still naked) Half way through making my sandwich I hear the door open which is conected to the kitchen and guess what? It was none other than her Dad who I had never met before! So me in my ultimate wisdon, what do I do to diffuse the situation? I introduced myself and offered to make the guy a sandwich…
He declined.

12

I got home from a party at around 2 AM on 1/1/99, a little drunk but not terribly so. I got undressed and went to bed, then I started wondering if a friend and neighbor of mine, who I had given a ride to the party, ever made it hom. I got up, stepped out into the hall, and just as the door closed I realized I was naked…and in this apartment building, which used to be a hotel, the doors locked automatically.

I went down the hall to the laundry room, hoping to find something to cover myself with, but I didn’t. I ended up kicking my own door down to get back in. I thought I got away with it, but my neighbor across the hall saw me kick in my door and told the complex manager about it. The manager never once acted like he didn’t believe my story of coming home to finding the door kicked in, I didn’t find out until months later.

13

OK, panties are one thing but the bra, too? You’re pulling our collective leg.

14

Okay, this is boring, but recently my basement was flooding because of a pipe that split open in the ceiling. So I ripped off the tiles and started trying to put the rubber brace thingme (technical term) on the pipe, but i was taking too long and in the meantime the water was pouring down all over my clothes, which I considered illogical so I removed my clothes thereby inventing nude plumbing.

I felt like a goof but I told my gf about it the next day and she thought that was neat.

15

Oh how I wish I was…[hangs head in shame]

16

Not absolutely naked, but the situation was amusing enough to warrant a mention:

Returning to our hotel at about 1 AM after stocktaking some airport shop somewhere, we retired to our rooms, I had undressed to my boxers when there was a knock on the door. My colleague in the room opposite had set up the stocktaking equipment to recharge but he was worried about the sound it was making (which turned out to be normal anyway), without thinking, I stepped across the hallway to check it out and heard my door click behind me.

He had to go to reception:
“I need a spare key for Mr Mangetout’s room please, he is locked out”
“Umm, why can’t he come and ask for the key himself?”
“He’s got no clothes on”
(Shocked look from receptionist)
“No, it’s OK, he’s in my room”
“Ohhh, I understand…”

17

Wife and I attended a nude wedding once at the resort we visit. There were several people there who weren’t nude, and I was more embarassed FOR them than at my own nudity. I later learned that they had been told of the circumstances but decided they’d attend anyway. Good for them. I did notice that they didn’t stick around for the reception.

At a different beach my wife and I were laying in the sand when a new couple walked up and started laying there stuff down. We struck up a conversation and started to talk. I sat up just as the guy walked over to our little corner of the beach. He was extremely well endowed and it was just hanging right there at eye level. His wife said “George, get your dick out of the man’s face and sit down or something.” A pretty good way to break the ice and we ended up having dinner later that night. They were from Brazil, IIRC.

18

At a beach my old girlfriend and I walked up to a couple laying in the sand and started laying our stuff down. We struck up a conversation and started to talk. I walked over to their little corner of the beach just as the guy sat up and my manhood was just hanging right there at his eye level. My girlfriend said “Gorgeous, get your dick out of the man’s face and sit down or something.” A pretty good way to break the ice and we ended up having dinner later that night. They were from the US, IIRC.

19

When I have a severe dishwashing crisis at hand, I often strip down so I can do them in the bathtub without getting my clothes wet.

20

I thought you looked familiar.