Lately I’ve been struggling with this aspect of my personality- my troublemaking-ness. It’s gotten more pronounced over the last couple of months due to a great deal of stress in my life, but it is a basic part of who I am.
I can NOT keep my mouth shut. Whenever I see injustice, thoughtlessness, or ignorance, I must speak out. “Excuse me! Excuse me!” I will run after you to point out your dropped item (litter), I will get out my car to ask why your infant is not in a carseat, (and then call 1-800-505-BABY to report your sorry ass), I will point out that you need to turn your cell phone off when having it on when it’s not appropriate.
Yes, I will make trouble. And I’m coming to grips with it, and loving and accepting myself for who I am. The war on ignorance needs people like me as soldiers, and I am willing and ready. Others don’t want to join this army, they’d rather stay safe and secure and silent. That’s okay, too. But that is not me.
Are you a troublemaker? Do you like that about yourself? Do your friends, like mine, just mutter “oh boy you done did it now” under their breath when you get going?
Disclaimer:
Recently I even followed someone into a parking lot to (politely) chat with them about their maniac driving habits. Now, that really scared me, the fact that I could take it that far and it could be dangerous. So, I will NEVER do that again. That was a BAD IDEATM.
“Where do you think you’re going without washing your hands!? Get back here. Fifteen seconds. Fifteen seconds! Warm water. Scrub vigorously. You disgust me.”
Yes, at the risk of sounding like a complete OCD germophobe, I am known for lecturing people who don’t wash their hands in the bathroom.
But think of the trouble that would happen if I didn’t!
Ooooh, yes! I was even designated a “troublemaker” by my former principal and it was in the Nashville newspaper! It was my finest hour. (polishing nails on vest…) (The other person so labelled was the “Teacher of the Year,” so I was in good company.)
But I save my troublemaking for times when it really matters – standing up for certain issues and certain people. I don’t try to micro-manage the world. That is not emotionally healthy. If you are feeling a lot of anger, that’s probably a sign that you need to learn how to choose your battles more carefully and then let go.
We have a hard time going to the Zoo (any zoo) because there’s inevitably someone tapping on the glass, right next to the “please do not” sign. Or feeding the monkeys from bags of food they clearly brought from home for this express purpose - why the zookeepers didn’t throw that guy out, I’ll never know.
Once when we were at the zoo it was a child who was in trouble. A parent was attempting to spank a toddler, but had absolutely lost control. This kid was struggling and fighting and the whole incident had become a tableau of violence, with the parent growing angrier and more physical. I screamed, and my MIL (who worked for DCFS as a Social Worker at the time) interceded.
So, yeah, if a child or a critter is in peril, I’m right there with you.
We have a hard time going to the Zoo (any zoo) because there’s inevitably someone tapping on the glass, right next to the “please do not” sign. And I have to point that out to them. Or feeding the monkeys from bags of food they clearly brought from home for this express purpose - why the zookeepers I went and fetched didn’t throw that guy out, I’ll never know. But at least they retrieved the food before all of it was consumed.
Once when we were at the zoo it was a child who was in trouble. A parent was attempting to spank a toddler, but had absolutely lost control. This kid was struggling and fighting and the whole incident had become a tableau of violence, with the parent growing angrier and more physical. I screamed, and my MIL (who worked for DCFS as a Social Worker at the time) interceded.
So, yeah, if a child or a critter is in peril, I’m right there with you.
fessie, you should only hit the “Submit” button once.
I find myself being a bit like that. I get into contras temps all the time, though always manage not to get hit. Only last week I screamed at a taxi driver in the street because he accelerated towards a woman crossing the street because his light was green - never mind the actual safety issues, he had right of way so screw her. Once she got to safety, she flipped him the bird and I, who had nothing to do with the incident, was so outraged that I joined her in flipping the bird, then started shouting at him about rights of way.
I also once spat in a guy’s face in China when he tried to sell me a tiger paw.
I don’t really like that aspect of myself, and often kick myself afterwards, but sometimes I can’t help it.
One thing you may want to do is balance out your random correction of strangers with proactive steps to address root causes. For example, if you are going to correct someone on the car seat thing, can you also volunteer at a shopping center “How to fit your carseat” event or one of those photo/fingerprinting events? This way you balance things out a little.
If you try to correct everyone individually, especially strangers who haven’t asked for help, you could get hurt. Also, you may eventually hurt yourself emotionally by burning out.
That actual number may just be for Arizona, but I’m sure most if not all states have one, too. You get a recording, then you leave the city, the intersection where the car was seen, the day and time, and the license plate. The owner of the car gets a letter stating that they were seen with a baby without a car seat, and also a letter written by the parent of a baby that has died from being in an accident without a car seat. I think it’s pretty neat.
I don’t actually think I’m self-righteous, or perfect, or anything. It probably sounds like I do, though. And I do do things like: offering to buy car seats for people that say the reason they don’t have one is because they can’t afford it (even though hospitals don’t let you take the baby home without one), I do volunteer work at a homeless shelter, give to the food bank, etc. I never thought about balancing it out, but that sounds like a good idea.
Perhaps a big reason that I’m like this is that I’m highly sensitive, and conscientiousness goes along with that trait.
Troublemaker? Yeah sometimes
Just today I went into a deli for a diet Pepsi ( can only drink Coke in an emergency) and went to pay for it at the counter. A very eldery man (90’s)was in front of me paying for his purchase in change and the clerk kept counting and telling him Its a $2.75 over and over again and he finally said “but thats all I have” To the clerks credit he just sighed and said OK- after the man left I asked how much was he short? and paid the difference and told told the clerk Next time is yours!
Oh and I have no problem correcting asshats either
I haven’t been able to find one for California. Which is a shame- I get upset when I see people driving around with their dogs or cats roaming free in the vehicle, never mind if they let their children do the same…
As you all probably know by now, I am incapable of keeping my trap shut. We have a new boss at work, so I am carefully having to sound out her sense of humor. This morning I got the godawful Spring Fashion layouts. Dropped them on her desk and said in my dryest Eve Arden tone, “I’m so glad to see that the ‘fleeing a burning building’ look is making a comeback.”
Are you a troublemaker? Do you like that about yourself?
No I’m not a troublemaker, and I’m glad I’m not. I’ve learned the art of picking my battles and I’m too busy with my own life to be worrying about what everyone else is doing every second of the day.
I always wait for someone else to post following Eve; never bat after a grand slam, y’know?
An article from a recent O magazine came to mind as I thought about this thread and its implications. The article was about failing marriages and indicators that they’re probably unsalvageable. People who have a tough time making it tend to be those who think that their way is THE way, rather than it being their OPINION.
This is something I’ve struggled with mightily; back in my days as a philosophy major, I was convinced that I’d obliterated all traces of subjectivity in my thinking, and was therefore in possession of a superior grasp of reality, completely objective and rational. Ah, youth.
The lesson for me has been that (busybody that I am) I’m not responsible for THE view of reality, merely MY view.
It might be helpful to keep that in mind as you go about your activist ways.
Yes, Fessie, that’s something that I do try to keep in mind- that different people do things differently and that my opinions are not necessarily universal. The Dope has really helped me with this, it’s shown me that there are as many opinions in the world as there are people.
My point, really, is that there are definitely things that people see around them that are worth speaking up about. However, a lot of people will hear no evil, see no evil, and that’s fine. That’s who they are, and this is who I am. It’s all good.
Some of the things I’ve made trouble about, besides the things I’ve already mentioned: I’ve called CPS on parents that were clearly abusive and/or neglectful, when other neighbors have agreed with my assertions, yet stated they didn’t want to get involved; made waves at workplaces with severe dysfunctio; enlightened people that have made ignorant, racist statements; changed policy as the parent of a child involved with the Department of Developmental Disabilities.
It’s not in me to stand back and watch people getting screwed over or endangered. I’m so glad that there are people out there that mind their own business and hush up, it gives me more opportunites to speak up and be heard.
While I think that confronting strangers about their bad driving is too risky, I definitely think it’s great that you’ve gotten involved when it comes to situations such as reporting child abuse.
Over all, I definitely think it is admirable when someone cares enough to get involved. There have been too many senseless tragedies that could have been prevented if someone had cared enough to do something. For example, the Kitty Genovese incident.
