Ending a relationship with a crappy sibling?

In My Humble Opinion
21

I have one sister who is pretty toxic. My late brother would have nothing to do with her several years before his death. Another sister absolutely wants nothing to do with her after a blowup a couple of years ago. Little Bro, the other sister and I avoid her by any means possible. The last time I see her will likely be at the last parent’s memorial and I really don’t care enough to be sad.

My siblings and I had a good example of how to be estranged from family in our father. He was estranged from two of his brothers for ~40 years with class.

22

(Replying to AK84)

No. It’s got to do with the “traitorous bitch” part.

A few years prior, she’d been to my home town during the local fiestas and brought three sheets of paper to ask for signatures in support of the candidacy. Several of my friends said “give me one, I’ll make copies and get them back to you signed”. We needed to make copies before, since she’d brought so few. She went back with thousands of signatures from people in Saragossa, Navarre, Álava, Soria and Logroño provinces.

Oct 18, we’re waiting for the bus to go see a movie. There’s flags hanging from the balconies. People at the bus stop are congratulating each other on how the Olympics will gain Catalonia international recognition. I’m quietly not rolling my eyes.

At one point, my cousin raises her eyes and exclaims però que cony fa això allí? Quina merda es aquesta? - “what the fuck is that doing there? what is this shit?”

“This shit” was my flag. And the flag of my friends who had signed the petition. And the flag of the people who were going to pay through the nose for those Olympics, most of whom are not Catalan. It is the flag which was first used in the Battle of Lepanto by the great-grandson of the woman whose jewels had just gotten Barcelona its Olympic games. And as of last recall, Madrigal de las Altas Torres is not in Catalonia.

I left. Ever since, any time she’s tried to invite me to anything other than a family shindig I’ve had other plans. It doesn’t matter if the plans are sitting on my ass watching paint dry. I’ve got plans and they don’t involve her.
(This was merely the final drop, my glass was pretty full by that time)

23

??

She cam to your home town (in Catalonia, right?), with some forms for supporting the candidacy (of Barcelona) … somehow this means she ended up with a lot of signatures from [places that aren’t Catalan] … and then she disrespected the Catalan flag.

I think.

(help?)

24

Same here. He’s had a lot of illness, which has made him meaner than usual, but I could still speak to him until my sister died a little over a year ago. I’ve put up with his shit for a very long time, and swallowed my pride at being belittled in public, but he stepped over the line at a time when I wasn’t willing to put up with it, and I’ve cut him off. He’s now had both legs amputated because of diabetes, and I just don’t give a damn.

And I wouldn’t piss on that fucking cunt he’s married to, if she was on fire.

25

She came to my home town in Navarre. I’m not Catalan. And she, like the other people in the bus stop, were claiming as a Catalan victory something which was gained by a Castillian queen and which was going to be paid for by all of Spain. The flag which according to them had no right to be there was the Spanish flag. Because we’re good enough to pay, but not to celebrate.
This was after events such as introducing me to friends of hers who attacked me (mostly verbally, but sometimes physically) for being Navarrese, for not being an independentist… stuff like that. Her reaction was always to stand there with her mouth open and at most an “ohmygod”; the one time a guy was trying to punch me, he got pulled back by a group of metalheads nearby, who escorted me home while cousin and her friends stayed.

26

The problem was not someone cutting off the other, it was how it was handled afterwards.

I have absolutely zero interest in getting back in contact with my other brother who sexually molested me, our younger brother and several other boys. When I finally confronted him some years ago, he talked on and on about how much pain that had caused him. I pointed out there wasn’t an apology in his explanation so he added that he was sorry “terrible things had happened to you.” I told him to fuck off and never come by my mother’s house while I was visiting.

Nor my younger brother who told me that I killed my son (who died as a baby) and a zillion other things. Like Annie-Xmas’s younger sister, somehow I’m at fault for everything bad that’s happened to him. He refused to get treatment for his bipolar condition, so you can imagine how much trouble he can find.

He’s homeless and lives off my mother’s money and soup kitchens.

I tried for years to help him. At one point I offered to pay him if he would do volunteer work. If he could only do one minutes, I’d pay him for one minute. He refused because I owed him the money.

We would go through cycles of emails. First, he’s start off nice and ask for advice, just to sucker me in. I’ve always wanted to help him, so I’d respond. Then he’s start making demands. I’d nicely let him know I couldn’t do it. He’d try emotional blackmail, threatening to kill himself being one of his favorites.

Then when that wouldn’t work, he’d attack me. This is when he’d do thing like say that I killed my son, etc.

I would block his email account, only for him to start another and continue trying to contact me. Eventually, I simply changed my email address and never looked back.

He’s the type of guy that if he were to go craz(ier) and start shooting people, it wouldn’t surprise anyone.

I’ve had to limit contact with my mother. She’s revered as a saint by her nephews and nieces, people at her church and at her former work, but no one saw that’s she’d turn into a rag doll at home and expect me to take care of her. She’s still a battered wife, even though my father had been dead for 30 years.

I had to give up taking care of her. She would suck all my energy and turn around and say things were all my fault. Little things. She blew off my kids’ birthdays (they were born two years and three days apart). We called her on Skype so she could say happy birthday. Apparently the next day she sent an email asking for our new address so she could send a present. I didn’t check my mail that day, so the next morning I got an email tell me that I could hate her all that I wanted, but why was I cutting off contact with her grandchildren and how much heartache that was causing her. All because I didn’t respond within 24 hours of an email. It’s been a lifetime of emotional manipulation.

For the OP, cut ties if you need to. Don’t take advice from people who haven’t ever been manipulated nor abused by someone.

27

I have 3 siblings.
As soon as we could, we all took off in different directions.

To call the family ‘dysfunctional’ would be a great (and hideously undeserved) compliment.
4 kids - 2 each of the sexes.
The older female was a liar and thief, and never had a nice word about anybody. Also never worked a day in her life.

The older brother had all the answers and took offense when I slapped down his youngest kid- a snot-nosed bitch raised to think she was perfect in every respect (yes, parents were clutching to the kid). Long, long story. Technically, the ball is in his court.
(the kid dropped out of the 3rd rate college she started after 2 months; last heard working stock at a Target.)
Younger 2 are the only ones who came close to sibling bond, and we haved drifted apart.

Your first obligation is to yourself. Toxic people are not worth the price

28

That makes it much more clear.

Yeah, some people are dicks. And someone’s got to be related to them…

29

That sucks. You are well rid of her.

30

I get on OK with my sibs, altho I’d not say I’m great friends with any of them. We’re all very different, and perhaps I’m not closer because I left home at 19 while they’ve all stayed within about 20 miles of our childhood home. No regrets or anything - it’s just the way things are.

My BIL, on the other hand, is a regal pain in the ass. He’s a taker and a user. Nothing is ever his fault. It’s because the women get preference or the blacks get preference or he’s a Christian and everyone discriminates. It’s never that he’s lazy , narrow-minded, unrealistic, and just not very bright. He has health issues entirely because of his abominable diet, lack of exercise, and refusal to listen to his doctors, and he relies on his 80+ year-old parents to cater to him.

My husband is so torn - he feels like he should help his brother, but he knows full well what a user the guy is. Years ago, we let him live with us (and our toddler) so he could get his life on track. Did he contribute to utilities or groceries? HAH! He came to stay with us another time for a job interview near us. He borrowed my car to drive the 60+ miles each way, never paying for gas or the toll, expecting us to pick him up and drop him off at the airport, hinting that he could live with us if he got the job (which he didn’t, surprise, surprise.) Fortunately, due to his health, he’ll never come see us again, since he lives about 900 miles away. Unfortunately, he lives close to his parents, and he continues to take advantage of them. So we can’t just pretend he doesn’t exist. Asshole.

31

We really need a “like” button.

32

Maybe shitting doves bearing ribbons?

33

I’m thinking that Subversive Cross Stitch should be all over this one:

http://www.subversivecrossstitch.com/

34

My brother was supposed to let everybody know when & where our father was going to be buried, so we could attend the funeral. He didn’t want to go, so he didn’t bother to find out and tell us. The only people present were the military honor guard.

I hope I never see my brother again.

35

I haven’t seen or spoken to my sister for the past 9 years, due to her enabling the assholish behavior of the guy she married.

Everyone once in awhile I get a whiny e-mail from her beseeching me to acknowledge what a terrible person I am and to apologize to them so we can resume normal family relations. The last time, I responded that she should call on me in time of need, but I want no part of Asshole.

This is unacceptable to her. So be it.

Life goes on.

36

Two older sisters. I dont consider them toxic but I have no interest seeing them. Parents passed away and they were very difficult during that process. Weren’t too close before but after, no thanks. If they reached out I would talk to them but Im not reaching out and, as far as I know, neither are they.

37

You must remove ‘toxic’ people from your life. Doesn’t matter what title they hold, brother, sister, mother, father, (adult) child. If they are “bad for you”, get rid of them.
I’m the youngest of six. I have a brother who wished he was the youngest of five. That is to say, my birth seems to be the biggest tragedy in his life and he was hell bent on making me pay for taking the attention away from him. I don’t talk to him anymore. I’m sure I’ll see him at a funeral sometime but that’s it.

Sadly it took a toll on my relationship with my other siblings. They didn’t quite understand for a while. Mostly they do now. We rarely speak on the phone or anything anymore. And that’s sad.

38

I have an older sister and nothing is ever her fault. She picks fights all the time because she must always be right. She is mean to strangers and very demanding of any sales clerk or waitress.

I ignore her as much as possible, but every so often she has to call because she was fighting with mom and needs me to back her up on some petty crap. for example, she and my mother had differing opinions about who said what in a conversation from 10 years ago, so she calls me to make sure I agreed with her and not mom. Who cares.

But the worst thing is she thinks an apology means everything is forgotten and forgiven. She apologized for physically attacking me, in her mind that means I am not allowed to be angry about that ever again.

I no longer contact her and when she contacts me I am as brief as possible. And much happier for it.

39

:eek:

40

I’ve cut ties with brother # 2 (4 kids, 3 boys then 1 girl, me).

He was verbally and physically abusive to me when we were children. He was verbally abusive to my parents as an adult. Didn’t communicate with them at all for many years, something he decided he had to do but not until after he’d carefully explained to them both just how they RUINED HIS LIFE.

He reconciled with them somewhat when my father was in his last months of life. A couple years later, he tried to recruit me to participate in having our mother committed to a medical facility to force her to quit smoking. Riiiiiight.

He was a class A asshole when Mom was dying - including threatening to go to court to have my other brothers set aside as her medical decision-makers, because they weren’t going to force her to undergo treatments she had said she didn’t want. And he was an ass afterward, out-and-out accusing the rest of us of stealing jewelry from the house, throwing a tantrum when some personal items were left to other family members in a signed document attached to the will (will stated "as agreed on except for itemized list provided separately).

I was quite relieved when everything was settled and I no longer had to deal with him. As I said to my husband “I wouldn’t jump in front of a bus to save him. I wouldn’t push him in front of the bus, either. If I saw the bus coming, I might even yell at him to get outta the way”. And that’s my extent of interaction with him - I did in fact figuratively issue the bus warning a few years back (health condition that meant he was at higher risk for same).

I frequently visit the in-laws - who live 2 towns over from him, 1,000 miles away from here. I haven’t had time to try to get together with him, nor will I make time in the future.