I can’t avoid this person and I won’t hurt her feelings. She is impervious to my silent hatred, so I go with that.
Someone at work told me her husband gave her a new sweater and she has nothing to go with it. I asked “Really? What color is it?”
Her: It’s red. Not red like the sign at the laundry across the street, but more of a darker red like the seat cushions in Joanne’s car, but not so dark. It’s not so plushy as them too."
The secret of being a bore is to tell people everything.
I only do this in writing. My explanations are always organized the same way; my ultimate point is found at the top and bottom of the message (or post!), with the detailed reasoning in between should anyone care to read it. In conversation, I cut to the point and let the other person ask questions if they like.
In deference to the OP, I’ll spare you the reasoning behind why I do this. 
I don’t understand the tone of your note at all. “stay the hell away from people.”
NO.
“People” don’t do this - there are* some* annoying individuals who do this. Perhaps you’re one of the talkers.
I know exactly what the OP is talking about. Some people just don’t know how to edit and it’s annoying as hell. I avoid calls from my sister sometimes because 15 minutes learning the backgrounds of everyone involved in a meeting at work is just too muich.
I know I’m guilty of talking too much, so I’ve learned to make up for it by talking really fast.
The only time extra detail *really * bugs me is when I’ve asked a simple yes/no question and have to get a story before the answer.
Example
Me: Did you pick up paper towels at the store?
Them: I figured I’d go this afternoon instead of last night because I had to go to the bank anyway and deposit those checks. I went to Store X even though Store Y was a little closer because I think they have better prices on paper towels and they also have a better produce selection and we’re also out of tomatoes. Just as I was about to leave the house, though, my friend Joe called and told me he was taking his dog to the vet in the area and he wanted to know if I’d be home later in the afternoon if he stopped by. The store was really crowded. Must be because it’s the first of the month. I ran into Helen that I used to work with five years ago. You remember Helen, don’t you? She worked in accounting. She had red hair? No? She was at the Christmas party in 2003, the one they had at the Westin? No? Well, any-who, she said that things haven’t been the same since the new management took over after the buyout. Oh, and while I was there I remembered that we were low on toothpaste so I got some of that, too. Along with the paper towels.
I’ve got a coworker like that. His reports would be so long and full of extraneous details that it was suggested he take a writing course to learn to streamline them. It helped his writing a little, but hasn’t helped his conversations.