i think meaning is the most important thing, when i becam enegaged my fiance took my saphire ear rings he got me for our first valentines day as a couple and the diamond pendent inherrited from my grandmother and set them together in a simple silver band with one saphire on each side of the diamon…it wasn’ too exoensive and it is full of love and special memories.
now you know, and knowing is half the battle…GI JOE!
I agree 100%. We got engaged on Thanksgiving Day in 1989. I went to New York the following week, met a family friend, and he took me around the diamond district until I found a diamond and setting I liked. Mrs. KVS worked in Manhattan at that time, so she went one day on her lunch break to see what I had picked out. It also gave her a chance to get the ring sized correctly.
When I proposed to Mrs. China Guy, I had a ring I had worn for about 10 years that was a one size fits all and cost about a quarter in Tibet, and I took it off my finger and slipped it on hers. Later we had wedding bands custom made from that $0.25 ring. After we were married but before the Chinese wedding ceremony, we bought a .9 karat tiffany style engagement ring. Both her wedding ring and engagement ring were lost a couple of years later and neither have been replaced. i still have my wedding ring.
Our money goes into investments and maybe for our 10 year I’ll buy a big ol’ honking ring, but for now it’s unimportant.
Thank you to all of you who are helping me out. It seems that I have some work to do in figuring out what she wants and then in finding it. I’m pretty sure that she’ll want at least a 1 carat diamond with a white gold ring. Now keep in mind that she hates jewelry and says that the only piece of jewelry that she’ll wear for the rest of her life is the ring. That’s why I want to make sure that it’s special.
I seem to disagree with popular opinion here, but here’s what I did.
I went to a jewelry show, picked out the diamond and setting I wanted. I don’t remember the details now, but I got a 1/2 Carat, not sure of the rest right now. I know I have it somewhere. Anyway, it was a beautiful stone and it sparkles magnficently. It has something like 38 points, which to my understanding makes it better to reflect the light. It is nearly clear with very small inclusions. At the time it was about 3 months salary for me, but this included the custom wedding ring I got, which really took the cake. Now it’s only 2 month salary for me, but long since paid for.
I personally picked it all out on my own because I wanted to have the ring in hand. She didn’t demand an extravagant stone, but I wanted to give her one that looked very nice, but was small enough that it didn’t interfere with her daily life.
Now the wedding ring was the special part (and the cheapest, about $500). This was a wrap for the diamond, which I got at the same time since I got the diamond set especially low since I knew she was hard on rings. A wrap bought after the fact would have been hard to fit. It originally had 2 saphires on the inside with 2 small diamonds on the outside. Saphire is her birthstone. I got the diamonds replaced with 2 amethists (my birthstone).
She always gets compliments on her ring. The sparkle of the diamond always cathes their eye, but the wrap is what brings the compliments.
Basically what I’m saying is do something original. Do it before the fact. I would have simpley hated having to take her to pick out her ring. It would have been much less romantic, and I don’t think she would have picked out something as nice. It’s paid for and she’s going to wear it for the rest of her life, so I wanted to do it right.
Dilbert, you sound like a very nice man!
I would have married my husband with no ring, but the fact that he bothered to do his homework and get me a ring that he knew I would love really made me feel good.
He asked leading questions that helped in his selection. I did tell him that I would rather have nothing or a CZ than a small stone. I was over 30 and I have chubby hands, so I didn’t think small was the right choice for me. I told him that I liked pear shaped stones and that I wanted some diamonds on the side and that’s what I got.
He has a family member in the fine jewelry business so he got a deal. Ask people if they know anyone in the business - do NOT go to the mall.
I also don’t like the idea of the couple shopping together because proposing with the ring in hand is so romantic.
However, this is just me.
A word of advice regarding negotiating… Try to find out if the place you’re shopping at allows this. When I bought my fiancee her ring, I spent like a half an hour Hmming and Gee-I-don’t-know-ing and dropping every hint known to man before the sales lady flat out said, “We don’t negotiate prices.” Oops. That was at hoity-toity Tiffany and Co though.
Stupidly, I had become attached to that particular ring and I ended up getting it anyway.
I had done all the research but in the end I just went on gut instinct. That’s how it usually works for me.
One more thing, if your sweetheart wants a diamond: Get a certified diamond.
When we were shopping, the salesman at the jewelry store (that we ended up purchasing from) showed us examples of certified stones that had been appraised by various other places in town.
Most of the appraisals were off by at least $500, and some were off by even more. If the stone was certified as F, VSI, .5 carats, one place would say it was a D, VVSI, .5 carats, when another would say it was H, SI1, .5 carats. These differences can mean a lot of money.
The store should tell you if all their diamonds are certified. Ask, if they don’t mention it.
And congratulations!
I’d just like to add me agreement to this. I actually got engaged in March but due to a few problems (including buying an apartment for me and my SO to live in) I haven’t got the cash together to buy the ring yet. We know exactly which one we are going to get, after an awkward time hanging around a lot of jewellers in Stockholm hoping our friends didn’t see us, and will get it when I have the cash. The catch is we have decided not to tell anyone that we are engaged until we have the ring, so even though we have been for 7 months now we haven’t told anybody except the jeweller (and this doesn’t count seeing as no-one here knows who I am IRL!!)
Since you say she wants a big diamond, that is what she should get. You realize, of course, how big a carat rock is, don’t you? I suspect if she gets that ring, there will be times she will not wear it - say for gardening, under gloves, etc.
Make sure you know what cut (shape) she likes best. The traditional “round” diamond is not the only one. IME, diamonds of similar weight but dissimilar cuts can appear to be of vastly different size.
When I got engaged, I was in school, and I bought a .5 carat diamond. That was probably the most money I had spent on anything at that time. Now, 15 years later, I think I wish I had been a little more original. When a woman shows me an engagement ring, if it is just a diamond, my (unstated) response is, “ho-hum. Looks like any number I’ve seen before.” But if they have an opal, a black pearl, or something else I’m like, “Neat. Tell me the story behind that!” And I think that there must be something more to these folk who are strong enough to not submit to convention.
Don’t forget. You’ll (hopefully) have plenty of anniversaries to supplement her jewelry collection. So far I got my wife diamond studs, a 5-diamond 5th anniversary ring, a one-carat solataire at 10 years, etc… And she has several different wedding bands she wears: a fancy one welded to her engagement ring; a couple of plain gold bands for if she is gardening or something; a white gold one depending on what she is wearing; etc.
Final engagement ring observation. I recently overheard some younger female attorneys in my office discussing rings. It was amazing the distinction between the women who had gotten married while in school, and those who were anticipating getting engaged in the future. Those who were already married had relatively modest rings, whereas the working single attorneys really wanted ostentatious rocks. I was really stricken by the clear discrepancy between the two groups.
Good luck, and best wishes for a long and happy marriage.
I had a 1.06 carat H color S1 brilliant----your classic big, shiny rock. Even though my former fiance bought the stone and had it set in white gold a little lower than usual,( my only allowed input ) I tore every latex glove I ever tried to put on it the first time I gloved every shift. We ended up splitting and the ring got mailed to his office when he refused to take it back. That was 2 years ago and my SO has popped the question and I dread the ring experience to come. My former fiance showed me how miserable ring shopping can be when the man is on a mission. Please listen to her input. Go window shopping together and see what she oooohs and aahhhs over. I would love a ring that meant something to just the two of us. It doesn’t have to be a diamond if something else is special to you.
Lots of excellent advice here.
Try to remember one thing. Diamonds are one of the most common gems in or on the entire planet. It takes a rock of very large size (many, many carats) and clarity with excellent color and cut to be worth anywhere near its sale price. Most diamonds are sold for ten times or more their real price. Prices are almost entirely controled by the De Beers cartel. They are the ones who thought up the “two months salary” schtick. It’s all hype, plain and simple.
Listen to the people who are talking about other stones. Emeralds and rubies hold much more of their value when they leave the showroom floor. You must be extremely careful to get a natural one and not a stone that has been “enhanced” by high temperature or neutron bombardment (yes, in a nuclear reactor). Another problem with emeralds and rubies is that they are a result of some of the most bloodthirsty trades in history.
If you do get a diamond, remember what you have been told. Go for clarity and color, not size. A real sparkler will always catch the eye more than a honking big but dull chunk of ice. The setting can also make a huge difference. As others have said, avoid the malls, try to buy the stone separately, inspect it carefully with a jeweler’s loupe and make sure that it is certified. Buying one that is just under a carat also sounds like a good strategy. They are probably much harder to unload because of the one carat fixation.
Best wishes to you and your intended. Go to a place where you can do some window shopping together and try to remember that no chunk of compressed carbon is going to make your relationship any better than it is already.