You’re almost right - except there is no exception (birthday/Christmas present doesn’t count). If the engagement ends, the ring goes back to the man. The only question is whether the woman tearfully hands it back to him or flings it back at him in anger. Until the wedding - at which point it’s hers.
As for the OP, the ring would probably be part of the pre-nup (“Well, we can buy a ring, or you can have my mom’s, under these conditions…”). And your mom’s conditions wouldn’t bother me, so long as she was willing to amend it to add that if there were kids, the ring could go to one of the kids (in the case of divorce), so it would still stay in the family.
You know it’s not an opinion, right? But rather a fact of Law.
You may not agree that a woman should have to give the ring back if the engagement gets broken, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t legally entitled to do, and that a judge won’t make her give it back if the guy sues her for it.
I understand that also, but I think minor laws such as this can vary quite a bit, dependent upon the location of the civil judgement as well as the circumstances of the dissolution of the engagement. As a rule it would seem wise to me to consider locality and specifics of the case, esp. in regards to minor rulings, rather that rely on generalizations.
This is a great idea. My parents’ gave me my grandmother’s engagement ring as a graduation gift, and I treasure it, not just because it’s beautiful, but also because it’s a link to her.
I admit I wouldn’t actually take somebody else’s family heirloom and sell it, but it’s a lovely thought in its own way.
I have my great-grandmother’s original wedding ring, from when she was married in 1921. It’s this little gold band, not fancy at all, and I adore it. She got a much fancier ring set at their 50th anniversary, but I don’t like it nearly as much as I like this ring. It’s little and pretty. I’d happily use it as a wedding ring myself; who knows, maybe I will! She’d love that.
Whoops, hit submit too early. When I was still angry about the breakup, it was a nice fantasy to have, is what I meant. I don’t know if I could have legally gotten away with it or not, and I don’t think I’d have tried.
My ex kept the damn ring! I often wonder why any woman with any self-respect would do this…surely she must remember me if she wears it? And WHY would she wear such a token?
Women are weird!
I agree 100% with Cazzle. This should come up well before the actual engagement.
From the mother’s POV, it seems to me that she is not ready to let go of the ring yet. She doesn’t even know the DIL yet, so it isn’t personal, but she just isn’t ready to pass the ring on, and fears its loss too much.
From the (imaginary) DIL’s POV, it seems that it isn’t really a loving, trusting gift if you have to sign contracts. Gifts don’t have strings, loans do. If it were me, I’d politely choose to get my own, new ring that was to my and my future husbands taste. I would not want a ring that signified my bond with my husband to be looked on as a ‘loan’ or for my MIL to feel she has ‘ownership’ of any part of my marriage.
The financially and emotionally valuable ring should stay with the owner, IMO, until she was ready to pass it on (probably in a will to a favoured grandchild, or something).
I didn’t get back to this until tonight. I did read that response. I just don’t agree with it. 