Good fucking Christ does this steady stream of rejections never end?
It was bad when Carleton College rejected my application for transfer admission. The fact that I’d been accepted the previous year when I’d applied as a senior in high school didn’t help to make things much easier to take. Carleton would have been the perfect place for me, I really believe. Excellent faculty, an incredibly well qualified student body, a superb program in my major. Applying for transfer admission there I thought I could make right the flawed and poor college decision process of my senior year. But sometimes a door only opens for you once, and then shuts forever. I think of what I could had there everytime I sit in a class with 300 borderline-retarded, disinteresteda students or hear roommates talk about “jew-stomping” and “niggers”. Carleton’s rejection of me has been like the sentence of a judge, requiring me to serve penance in a place I don’t want to be so that I don’t make bad decisions in the future. And slowly I am doing my time, and dealing with that rejection.
But it doesn’t stop there. I worked this summer as an orientation leader for my college, as did about 15 other students, including one girl, who seemed interested in me. I was interested in her. I move slowly, testing the waters here and there, seeing all signs to be good. This is a good news. Toward the end of the summer I went away to Chicago for a few days to go see Radiohead. I come back, go to a party held for the orientation leaders, and find her playing footsie with a different orientation leader. :eek: :mad: I don’t think I slept at all that night I felt that distressed. Do people not realize that other people also have feelings that can be hurt and hurt badly when they are so brutally attacked as mine were? Maybe some people do realize this, but this girl obviously does not.
And then, today. There were two open RA positions on campus. 9 people applied for them, including myself. The work I did this summer involved many of the same duties as that of an RA. I know the people involved in the hiring process. They’ve always liked me. I have a 4.0 GPA. I am involved in many activities. I am pretty god damned qualified for this position. But no. Who the fuck am I to think I’m deserving of anything? Who even thinks I deserve a personalized letter of rejection? I suppose it is easier to just open “Can not hire you right now.doc” and fill in the appropriate names, rather than actually giving a person the rejectors KNOW some consideration. These letters of rejection always seem to even further insult my plight beyond the mere rejection. “You have many great assets, and really there is not reason why we shouldn’t hire you, but we’re not going to.”
So that’s it. That’s the last fucking straw. Every attempt at trying I’ve made in the past year has resulted in failure and rejection and I simply don’t think I can stomach that much fucking more. So to everyone who’s turned me away recently I say FINE! FUCK IT! I’m going to give up entirely, because after all wasn’t that your tacit message all along?