I’ll make this short and sweet.
Far be it from me to be the bearer of good tidings, but as of today, I have lost 50 pounds since mid February (okay, okay – that still leaves me only a shade under 300, but I’ll take it, for now).
I just got a promotion! I’m a Senior Court Clerk! Under our new contract, I’ll eventually max out at over $80,000 (which, by then, won’t buy much, but I’ll settle, by gum!)
I was a little worried about making the gods jealous, what with all my good fortune, but the soda machine I went to at work this afternoon was out of Diet Dr. Pepper, and I couldn’t find my friend at the bar she invited me to for a celebratory drink (thus wasting my $10.00 cover charge and my $2.00 valet parking tip) so I feel that the balance of the universe has been restored, and all should be well from here on out.
That’s it. I’ll just shuffle off to bed now, as I have just been having a celebratory libation. Low carb, of course.
RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH!