Of course, I have a tattoo on my hampton which normally says WENDY but when being bathed by attractive female nurses (yeah, right: like that’s going to happen) says WELCOME TO JAMAICA, HAVE A NICE DAY (including the comma).
That made me laugh out loud. Perfect end to a week of earning a weekly tax payment.
[QUOTE=bughunter]
One of the regulars over at alt.tasteless, a medical professional going by the unenviable online alias “NurzRatchet,” claims that there’s particular place you can <THWACK> with the ol’ waggly fingerwhip that will cause an erection to instantly subside.
QUOTE]
I thought all nurses and doctors knew that technique. You’re saying they don’t?!
I’ve never had an erection during a medical exam.
However, whenever my (male) doctor examenes my genitals, I burst out laughing. I’m very ticklish you see.
Heh, I’ve been too nervous to get an erection in front of girls I’ve gone to bed with never mind a doctor :smack:
Even though I seem to have a fantasy thing about doctors and nurses the one time I had to let my doc see my wang it did nothing for me 
When I was in the Navy I had a guy in my division describe this to me. He came back from a physical in a very sullen mood and confessed that there was a new and very pretty doctor on base. Appears he became aroused during the exam which conflicted with his deep religious beliefs and caused him great discomfort. The doctor, on noticing his condition gave the offending member a quick two-finger karate chop. I think it sent my friend over the edge, he never was quite the same.
A guy falls asleep on the beach for several hours and gets a horrible sunburn. He goes to the hospital and is promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second degree burns.
He was in agony and already starting to blister. The doctor prescribed IV saline and electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.
The nurse, rather astounded, asked “What good will Viagra do him?” The doctor replied “It’ll keep the sheets off his legs.”
I see, and how do you feel about this emekthian?
By the way the place where you may thwack erections to make them go away is Utah.
I’ve only had occasion to worry about something like this on one occasion. I had a small red mark form on the head of my member, and after a few days i decided that i should get it looked at.
I went to the Sexual Health Clinic at the closest hospital, and was shown into the doctor’s office after a short wait. The doctor was a fairly young woman (i’d say about 28-30), and extremely attractive. If i saw her on the street, i’d certainly take notice.
But, no matter how attractive the doctor, there’s something fundamentally unsexy about having your old fella manipulated with a wooden spatula by a woman wearing rubber gloves. I don’t think i oculd have achieved an erection even if i had wanted to.
(BTW, the problem was a minor fungal infection, quickly cured with a prescription cream. In case you were wondering :))
Dang…I thought you were going to say she prescribed Noxema to remove the lipstick!
Coolest. Dentist. EVAR.
What if you stick tongue depressors up your butt? Would the doc get offended? How about if you put them back in the jar afterwards?
That would require you to have your anus exposed (maybe it’s a clear night?), and I never said anything about that.
A good customer of mine used who used to stop in every weekend to watch the horse races and have a few beers told this story several years ago…
It probably won’t strike anyone who reads this it amusing, but trust me, the people that knew Eddie and heard him tell his ‘tail of woe’ thought it was hysterical:
Having turned 45, Ed (a very dry, hard-edged, blue-collar & old-fashioned type guy) took his father-in-law’s advice and went for his first medical check-up since he was a kid. Not having his own doctor - or the initiative it takes to find one - his father-in-law made an appointment for him with his general practitioner.
Toward the end of the exam, the doctor told Ed he was going to check his prostrate and explained why and what that entailed. Following doctor’s orders, Ed straddled the floor naked and held onto the examination table to keep his balance as the doctor stood behind him with his non-gloved hand on Eddie’s shoulder. “I’ll be gentle & it’ll be over in a moment,” the good doc assured him. After a minute or two, the doctor pulled out his finger and told Ed he had to recheck one more thing.
They got back into the same position: with Ed in the straddled position and doctor in the rear. Suddenly, Ed felt the doctors examining hand grab his right shoulder - he turned quickly to the left and quickly realized both hands were visible but he still had something up his dumper.
‘WTF’, Ed yelled as he pulled away. The doctor broke out laughing as he pulled a handle of a reflex mallet covered in a rubber glove and KY out of Ed’s ass. Turns out the father-in-law set the whole thing up.
Cruel? Yes. Against the hypocratic oath? I’m sure it is. Grounds for a lawsuit? Ed’s not that type. All I know is, everyone who knew him and heard him retell the story thought it was F.A.F.
MY father recently told me “We all go someway. No bloody doctor is sticking his finger up my arse. If I have a dodgy prostate so be it.”
This is probably why I have such a positive attitude to doctors. :rolleyes:
[Stewie Griffin]
HA!
[/Stewie Griffin]
I had a large erection for several days and finally called up the doctors office to make an appt. The nurse said she would try and squeeze me in.
Thank you, I’ll be here all week.
Funny thing is, whether you show up for the appointment or skip out and make them wonder where you are, either way you’re giving them the shaft.
Oh yeah? well, mine normally appears to say ‘HANDY’, but occasionally reads "HAVE YOU EVER VISITED LLANFAIRPWYLLGWYNGYLLGOGERYCHWYRNDROBWILLANTSYILIOGOGOGOCH IN THE SPRINGTIME? OH YOU MUST! - I WENT THERE ONCE WHEN ON A WELSH HOLIDAY FOR A LONG WEEKEND IN APRIL, WHICH WAS VERY PLEASANT; WE ALSO VISITED THE CHARMING LITTLE RAILWAY STATION AT GORSAFAWDACHAIDRAIGODANHEDDOGLEDDOLLONPENRHYNAREURDRAETHCEREDIGION, WHERE WE STOPPED FOR A WONDERFUL PICNIC - ALL IN ALL, A MOST ENJOYABLE DAY
Hampton? Is this rhyming slang or something? Is this the one that has something to do with Peter Frampton?