Etiquette book just for black people - Practical or offensive?

[astro]

Re The New Basic Black: Home Training for Modern Times

Is this truly useful or is it kind of offensive that someone thinks black people need special etiquette instructions?

[Harriet_the_Spry]

I don’t find it offensive. I assume the authors are also black, and that the authors figured readers would be interested in learning about etiquette through the perspective of their own culture.

I would find it offensive for WASPs to come out with a series like Etiquette for Blacks, Etiquette for Italians, or Etiquette for Jewish people.

[Contrapuntal]

I’m not offended.

[Garfield226]

I’d be interested to know what’s different about proper etiquette for black people than proper etiquette for anyone else. If the book is explaining how certain points of etiquette have developed with respect to race, that’s one thing, but from the Amazon description, it sounds like it’s primarily just an etiquette book (with the exception of the section on “CP Time,” which the description quickly dismisses by saying there’s also “Italian People Time,” and “Jewish People Time,” etc).

I’m not offended (I’m not black, either), but I don’t understand the purpose of the book.

[Omega_Glory]

I’m with Garfield226. I’m not offended by the concept, but the whole thing seems odd to me. Where do you find this stuff astro?

[astro]

@Omega Glory

I’m with Garfield226. I’m not offended by the concept, but the whole thing seems odd to me. Where do you find this stuff astro?

Umm… Lured by Bridezilla vs. the Bridesmaids

Whch scrolled to

Dear Prudence,
My family just moved in to a lovely townhouse and we have a lovely next-door neighbor. She is a mature, genteel lady who lives by herself and by most measures presents herself as the ideal neighbor: She sends over cookies when she’s baking, collects newspapers when we are away for the weekend, offers to cat-sit, and so on. We have thanked her with cards and small gifts. This would be a rosy story of communal bliss but for one thing—our lovely neighbor, who is white, constantly makes reference to our race (black) in subtle or not-so-subtle ways: “The last owner lived here with a big black guy. He was nice, but they weren’t married,” she said once to my husband. “I really admire Colin Powell. I have his book, but I hadn’t read it, but now …,” she said on another occasion. “I heard that Tiger Woods won the British Open today, what do you think about that?” she asked my 8-year-old son. He just smiled quizzically and nodded. My child will have to smile and nod enough in his life because of the ignorance of people who ought to know better, or people who do know better but don’t behave well. Certainly, this woman’s conversational repertoire is fairly innocuous, but I am tired of her racial references. Do I withdraw from an obviously lonely but sweet woman, or try to teach an old, well, you know …

Which inked to

Dear Wary,
I checked in with Karen Grigsby Bates, co-author of The New Basic Black, an etiquette guide for African-Americans, about this. She says that while recognizing how far this elderly woman has probably come in her life in regard to race, instead of withdrawing from her, help her come a little further. By constantly mentioning prominent blacks, she is trying to demonstrate how enlightened she is and that she considers you to be special black people, too

[Rigamarole]

@Book Summary

Full of information about appropriate behavior at soirees of various sorts, from simple cocktail parties to formal dinners, and about how to plan parties, weddings, even tea parties…

Come on, tea parties? Black people don’t have tea parties.

[Colibri]

@astro

Re The New Basic Black: Home Training for Modern Times

Is this truly useful or is it kind of offensive that someone thinks black people need special etiquette instructions?

Perhaps they face some situations more frequently than whites:

From the Editorial Reviews:

“Covering such situations as how to handle yourself in a restaurant where you’ve received unacceptable treatment, common courtesies to be shown to household help and how to respond to racial harassment at work, Bates and Hudson offer a guide that will be of benefit to men and women, singles and families.” —Publishers Weekly

“Full of information about appropriate behavior at soirees of various sorts, from simple cocktail parties to formal dinners, and about how to plan parties, weddings, even tea parties, Bates and Hudson’s advice also includes less obvious subjects such as maintaining family and community ties, taking pride in one’s heritage, and coping with racial incidents at work. . . . Booklist

Bolding mine.

[Excalibre]

@astro

Umm… Lured by Bridezilla vs. the Bridesmaids

Whch scrolled to

Which inked to

Well, I guess this is an etiquette situation peculiar to black people, so I suppose there are at least some examples of why black people might need different etiquette guidance than white people. But it seems to me that such situations are a pretty minor component of etiquette - I find it hard to imagine an entire book of such problems. As Garfield226 pointed out, etiquette is pretty much the same for black people and white people.

I dunno. Maybe there’s a chapter on how to discretely get rid of watermelon seeds without spitting them out.

[Common_Tater]

I think the answer is much more pedestrian. There is a niche market for covering subjects to targeted groups, subjects that have already been beaten to death otherwise but need “updating” to reflect our increasingly polarised and balkanized society.

[pizzabrat]

@Common Tater

I think the answer is much more pedestrian. There is a niche market for covering subjects to targeted groups, subjects that have already been beaten to death otherwise but need “updating” to reflect our increasingly polarised and balkanized society.

I wanted to say it.

Ah well, I’ll just say it in a different way.

Typical granfalloon marketing scheme. I saw that last year at a B&N and scanned it. Yes, it’s nothing more than an etiquette book with “black” on the cover.

[pizzabrat]

So yes, it’s quite offensive - to one’s intelligence.

[Beware_of_Doug]

@Common Tater

I think the answer is much more pedestrian. There is a niche market for covering subjects to targeted groups, subjects that have already been beaten to death otherwise but need “updating” to reflect our increasingly polarised and balkanized society.

I often thought we could use a book on American regional business etiquette. The small stuff you sometimes do have to sweat: how to behave on the phone with a New Yorker, how not to overdress for a meeting in SoCal, what to expect as the guest of a firm in Philly or Texas or what have you.

[Beware_of_Doug]

Googling the phrase “American regional etiquette” produces not one single solitary result.

Maybe it’s bad etiquette even to mention it. E PLURIBUS UNUM!

[Common_Tater]

How does one behave on the phone with a New Yorker??

[Rigamarole]

@Common Tater

How does one behave on the phone with a New Yorker??

Punchline?

[Nava]

@Excalibre

Well, I guess this is an etiquette situation peculiar to black people, so I suppose there are at least some examples of why black people might need different etiquette guidance than white people. But it seems to me that such situations are a pretty minor component of etiquette - I find it hard to imagine an entire book of such problems. As Garfield226 pointed out, etiquette is pretty much the same for black people and white people.

I dunno. Maybe there’s a chapter on how to discretely get rid of watermelon seeds without spitting them out.

No it’s not: it’s peculiar to any minority. And in a world that insists in creating ever-smaller pigeonholes, at this rate everybody will be one

[Askia]

Assuming the authors are themselves “black”, I’d say it was practical with a dash of it being mildly annoying and slightly presumptuous. But then that’s just me.

1. It appears to market the book with the common misconception that all black people in America are a vast monolithic group with a common background and mannerisms – when ethnically, socioeconomically, recently and in reality we ain’t been like that in 50 some-odd years.

2. Just looking at the topics covered, this book is for successful, assimilationist, upwardly mobile, conservative, non-confrontational black people. Trey Jenkins, Shannenenquah X and High Purpose Lord Harambe could get trapped on a deserted isle with this thing and they are going to get precisely two uses from this book: kindling and toilet paper.

3. In reality-- and this is a point likely overlooked by the books writers and publisher – successful, assimilationist, upwardly mobile, conservative, non-confrontational black people go to private predominately academies, are members of private exclusive clubs, hobnob with each other in resort areas and private black community enclaves and have learned these lessons by example since toddlerhood. They don’t NEED this book.

4. Mmmmmmaybe there’s a chapter or two about bridging intraracial cultural interactions. How to recover from your neighborhood backyard barbeque when your sister loudly announces she and her kids don’t eat swine anymore. How to survive your husband’s trifiling cousin’s supposed to be one week turned into three week “visit.” How should you proceed if your daughter “holds” a contraband drug package for her new boyfriend. Why people from the Caribbean don’t think it’s cute, funny or flattering when you imitate their accent. When you pour libations for your ancestors and personal heroes during Kwanzaa’s Karamu, should you call out the name of Sammy Davis, Jr. or not?

5. I doubt #4 is true.

6. I should write a book on #4.

[Sierra_Indigo]

@Askia

6. I should write a book on #4.

I’d buy it.

[China_Guy]

think cross cultural communication - which it seems like this book is all about.