“Look you silly bastard, your arm’s off!”
If I’m not close enough to say that, I’m not close enough to be asking pointed personal questions. Maybe a sincere sounding “How have you been?” but if they don’t say “Good, except for having my arm torn off in a bizarre rutabaga incident” then it’s private and I’ll have to remain in the dark.
That made me giggle. 
I can’t see how you could stand there and ignore something like a missing arm! And I kind of feel like that’s the rude alternative, like you’re so oblivious you can’t even se they’re missing an arm. I would ask.
After the hug I’d probably give them an obvious once-over with my eyes and say, “Wow, so what’s been up with you?” If they want to get specific, they can. If they don’t, “Oh, I’ve been keeping myself busy, how about you?” works fine as an answer.
If they don’t mention it then, I probably wouldn’t push the matter, although I might mention how long it had been since I saw them last, just in case they thought I already knew about whatever had happened.
I ran into an old high school buddy whose arm was kind of mangled (he also has a ton of scars on his torso that I did not see when we bumped into each other). If I recall correctly, I was a little flustered and said something along the lines of “Hey, John! There must be quite a story there. So how’ve you been? I haven’t seen you in ages.”
He didn’t look pissed or anything. He looked at his arm and said “Yeah, long story” then skipped the story and answered the “how’ve you been” part. I guess it didn’t piss him off because it was neutral or something. I didn’t dodge the issue, but wasn’t nosey either.
We caught up for a beer a few weeks later and he told me that he’d been run over by a delivery truck (UPS or FedEx or something) and had been dragged a bit.
The one time I did get all awkward though was when I ran into ne of my sister’s good friends from highschool. He had plastic surgery to “improve his looks” and a whack of botox and now looks creepy as all hell. I could barely make eye contact because his face creeped me out. I had no idea if I should act like I noticed he had work done or not. The guy was really good looking back in highschool and was one of the major heart throbs. The plastic surgery kind of wrecked his face (or maybe girls like the waxy look he has now.)
I met a mallhugger for the first time in years when I was fresh out of the hospital. I was seriously underweight, weak as a baby, gaunt as a ghost, and walked with a cane. She asked straight out “I almost didn’t recognize you, what has happened to you?” and I answered. Not offended in the least. I would ask the same question.
I would go with “How have you been?” That leaves it open for them to bring up the obvious, or not.
A few years ago I had surgery, which was fairly obvious immediatey after and left a scar. When asked, I’ves told people I had to fight a ninja.
It is, if the other party is staring at it the whole time. And if you’ve been staring, it’s even more rude to ask about it than if you haven’t. IME, when you’re in that position you have to answer questions about it all god damned day every god damned day and all you want to do is just forget it exists for one moment. That’s pretty much how you became my friend at that point in my life (edit: general “you”, not specifically you, of course); don’t stare at my dome, don’t ask questions about it until you get to know me, and don’t bring it up unless I brought it up first or whatever you’re going to say is funny. One friendship ended when I was hanging out with her and a whole bunch of other people after getting my discharge from the military; I was wearing a hat because my hair hadn’t grown out to the point where you couldn’t see the lumps, yet. She was always a bit nosy, but she was usually funny about it. She asked me, “So, hey, how come you’re always wearing a hat these days?” I tried to dodge the question and she persisted, I tried to change the subject again but she kept going, and finally she ripped off my hat and screamed “OH MY GOD THOSE ARE SO WEIRD! OH MY GOD! YOU HAVE LUMPS ON YOUR HEAD!”. Did I mention this was in the middle of a crowded student center?
this wins the thread.
You could wait until they mention a new car/house/yatch/vacation and say “I bet that cost you an arm and a leg, huh? You were always a good haggler, though, you probably got it at half-price”
I think I just swallowed my uvula.
I wouldn’t ask. I generally try to operate on the principle that if people want me to know stuff about them, they’ll tell me.
This is a long-standing rule for me, but I’ve gotten even more sensitive to it in the last few years, because of my incredibly rude sister-in-law, who thinks nothing of asking anyone anything, no matter how marginal the relationship or personal the topic. (To a cousin, seen a few times a year: “You’ve really gotten fat. Are you depressed or something?” To a distant acquaintance, married five years with no children: “Are you having trouble having kids? Check to make sure you don’t have endometriosis, because my friend had it and had to have surgery.” To me: “How much did it cost to build your new house? I bet it was expensive. How much debt do you have now?”)
And I love the term mallhuggers. I will be using it from this day forward.
FWIW, when I first saw this thread I thought a “mallhugger” was an acquaintance you tried to avoid, who upon seeing you at the mall would follow you around until you escaped through a window or killed them.
Analogous to a “facehugger”, I suppose.
Man, I was just going to post the mallhugger/facehugger connection.
Must be that telepathy acting up again…
Sampiro, what the hell kind of alternate universe do you live in? If this lady is like some of the other people in your life the one armed lady is worth a mention in the book. Or at least an amusing footnote as an aside about what happened.
No way can the story be dull.
Damn you!
I am glad I read through though, I was going to say, “What’s with the half-hearted hug?”
Half, get it? Enjoy the shrimp, I am here all week.
This should single-handedly ensure your membership here for a long time.
::snork
The right hand won’t know what the left hand is doing. Probably because there is no right hand.
As long as you are well armed to handle any answers that come back, I say ask away.
Sampiro fan here, what who would just like to add… y’all done singlehandedly got me all fuklempt here, like, again, what with appreciatin’ yer artistry and whatnot.
Aharharhar.