“loo” That is the best typo I’ve seen in a long time! 
Seems to me that a lot of them are trying to help BY being assholes.
Depression? Been there. The last thing I needed was a lot of contemptuous “stop whining” lectures. I’d have interpreted that as “You better learn to do for yourself, because nobody with half a brain is going to give a pathetic shitheel like you the time of day.”
Could it be that this type response is actually a defense mechanism? If you’re a no-excuses, ass-to-the grindstone, neo-darwinian personality, problems you can’t seem to solve can really whack your self-worth. You know you mustn’t question The Way Things Are, and yet here is some puke doing just that. Perhaps an existential crisis is provoked. You may want to tell the sufferer to jam it up hi/r cornhole. You may just want to deny it is a problem at all, and tell him to do what you did back in the day (and then jam it up hi/r cornhole).
And sometimes the flock just sees blood and wants to peck someone to death.
Anyhow…there are probably quite a few posters to this thread with no experience or little understanding of depression. No excuses asked for, just some perspective.
A lot of Dopers have been there done that with depression as well. One of the things that I needed was a swift kick in the ass. The “hey, you aren’t dead, you survived” lecture, the “wow, why don’t you catch the perspective bus” lecture and the “get a grip and get functioning girl” lecture were some of the big helpers (that and a Paxil perscription).
In my experience, the woe is me victim mentality feeds the depression, and sympathy for it just feeds the woe is me.
Not only do I donate to a local food bank, but as the chief executive of my local KofC council this year, I will be presenting a local food bank with funds to purchase a considerable amount of food for the needy over the holiday season this year.
I can tell you with utter certainty that if our contributors knew they were buying food for a single person with $20,000 in the bank, we would have trouble getting any more donations.
In short: it pisses me off no end that she is drawing on food bank resources with that kind of financial cushion.
Good for you - whatever works. I still question whether it’s the only thing that works. Ass-kicking just happens to be in fashion today, what with all the neocon buzz-talk about “personal accountability” (much of it on the part of people who don’t believe in corporate or institutional accountability). All ass-kickers ever did for me was drive me deeper into my hole.
Shouldn’t the “she is” be “someone suggests she should be”?
About whining and winning.
Whining exists to get people to act benevolently towards you and show pitty, when they do so the whiner becomes more happy and so the whineing activity increases to increase that happyness. Complaining about ones situation is similar but it is an issolated event done by someone who needs a quick cheer up and a quick amount of pitty. Complaining isn’t bad because it is issolated, and the complainer often can use the bit of support to help them get out of the bad position they are in. A whiner continues without change and just becomes an emotional burden on the group they whine to. If your situation is bad you need to move from that situation. Whether that is achieved by seeking psychological help, changing job, moving house, going for 3 months to India for some perspective.
But now you have had a change, you need to try and avoid the bad habit of whining. Because whining not only annoys others, it also leeds to a dependancy on your own suffering, since you can’t whine if you are in a good stuation, the little emotional benifit gained from the pitty whining creates will cause one to remain within the bad situation.
Instead you need to try winning, this is something noone knows how to do but you for your own situation, and even you may not yet know. But you can start by reflecting on what you gained from your three month learning experience in India. You can be very proud of yourself for taking that trip, it is an achievment you can build uppon. Maybe you can feed on it for ideas for a short film, maybe you can contact the local Indian community and see if they are making films for Indian’s in America, that you might help with. Maybe you can find the will to see psychiatrist, or apply for lots of possibly better jobs.
I know from my own depression, that getting the momentum built so that you can do what you probablt allready know you need to do can be the hardest thing. Use your pride at achieving your college education, your experiences from travelling accross India (did you do it as a woman allone, bouble kudos if you did) your knowledge that you are well skilled and intelligent, use these to strengthen your resolve to make your own permanent situation better.
If one didn’t believe in depression perhaps. Or had no sympathy for it. Or was asshole enough to blame it all on one’s own lack of character, and scared enough to really believe it.
I’ll say it again: I really don’t believe the stop-whining people know or care what the depressed go through. As is often said: “There are two kinds of people in this world…”
(Not that I want head pats myself here - I guess I just want to do my little bit to BBQ the sanctimonious.)
I almost expect someone to cite this stat as evidence of the success of the capitalist system.
Can PassengerPigeon’s parents pay for my rent, too, or has a line already started forming?
Two points. Firstly, that was someone’s suggestion, not a fact established through her own posts that I have ever seen.
Secondly, do you feel your charity, and that of your fellows, is lessened because the person was not in as dire a need as you thought? Are your intentions less noble if the person is only peckish as oposed to ravenous? Food banks, as with most charities, have always operated on the honor system. The idea is that about the only thing food is good for is feeding people. I can understand means testing and verification for cash dispersement, but this is food we’re talking about.
Enjoy,
Steven
I think your perceptions are a bit skewed, sven. It isn’t just “an income problem”, i.e. bringing in as much money as you spend. It’s balancing and prioritizing your needs/wants with what will further your dream. No matter how you slice it, you live in an insanely expensive place. The costs to live there–in direct financial outlay and the drain in energy and worry–may far outweigh the actual benefits in relation to your dream.
Yosemite’s tiresome dirge against anyplace that isn’t California aside, your particular skill is eminently transportable. Terrific independent films can be and are made outside one state on the west coast. The crucial element resides in you, not where you reside. In that sense, living where you do may be a crippling your ability to take realistic steps toward realizing your dream.
I hesitate to even mention this in this thread because of possibly being misconstrued. This is an objective observation, not a criticism or slam, okay? Your chosen field is notably tough, financially and competitively, as are most creative and artistic endeavors. There’s no lack of talented folks with dreams. There are no guarantees any way, but most “successful”–financially, recognized, whatever.–artists those who can budget their inner resources as well. Your being prone to depression is just all the more reason to expend yourself wisely.
I’m not telling you to move or anything else. Those choices have to be yours, and only you can balance the costs/benefits in relationship to your dream. What I am saying is that perhaps one of those things you need to work out what stresses in your life can eliminated or reduced to rechannel your resources toward your primary goals. Everything else are just means to be balanced. You’re chasing a wonderful dream in a very competitive, risky field. Food and at least relative peace of mind are basics if you’re to succeed. Getting a firm grasp on businessy stuff NOW–budgets, etc.–would also serve you well when you do make your film.
I wish you well.
Veb
To, as a sideline, address what Beware of Doug (love the username by the way!) mentioned on the “personal accountability” front, the people I’ve personally known who’ve championed this cause the loudest and most stringently have also been the ones who have followed the example the least. Just saying is all.
Also, I know in my own battles with agoraphobia and depression (and on and on and on), that most people don’t have a clue as to what all truly is happening, nor do they usually want to or care. Hell, I’ve had family members who’ve pretty much been in direct contact with it that still think it’s all an act. By anyone who claims to be too. Now I realize some of them aren’t very bright, but you’d think that first hand experience compared against past behavior might offer some insight. But perhaps not. So I understand where he’s coming from.
Don’t know if this is completely applicable to sven or not, but the biggest complaint I’ve ever heard about folks suffering with this are those who constantly vent, seek advice and never do anything with it. Wash, rinse, repeat daily (or several times every few hours :eek:) and then gear up for new problems and catastrophes, oh my! Someone else brought up IDBB, or whatever her last incarnation was, and she totally personifies this attitude. IMHO, of course, and seemingly others. Just saying again.
I don’t think that and what’s brought up above are one and the same. Regardless, I hope something positive comes from all this for her. I’ve certainly liked a lot of other things she’s posted on. Good luck to the both of you, especially on fulfilling those dreams!!
A little hijack here . . .
What? A couple of posts on this thread, merely pointing out that someone shouldn’t have to move across the continent, away from family and friends perhaps, is a “tireless dirge”?
People don’t–and shouldn’t–give just because their intentions are noble. They give because they believe they are helping someone who needs help. Food banks don’t have an unlimited amount of food. One care package given to someone who kinda-sorta needs it is a care package that won’t be going to someone who is in dire straits. Also, some people give when they themselves are living on the edge. Their sacrifice should be appreciated by diverting resources to those who are really in need.
I’ve always been sympathetic to even sven, but I agree with some of the comments in this thread. In my mind, even sven has become the board’s resident poor person. There’s nothing wrong with being poor. It’s nothing to be hush-hush about nor ashamed. But I don’t think it’s necessary to announce ones financial state in every thread and post. The truth is that a lot of Dopers are struggling financially. The board doesn’t really need a resident poor person…not when a heap of people already feel that would fit the bill better.
{b]Even Sven**, if I can make a suggestion: if being poor and risking hunger bother you that much that they are always on your mind, eating away at you, consuming your emotional resources, this suggests that you do not have an aptitude for poverty.
Some people do have such an aptitude–my brother is one. His bank account is often hovering in the single digits. He, too, is good at making $5 last a week. But he doesn’t fret, he doesn’t worry, he has a sort of optimistic faith that it will all work out.
You, apparently, don’t have the kind of personality that can do that–and I don’t care how much experience you have at being poor, or how talented you are at it, you aren’t built to be happy that way. A certain level of security is apparently crucial to your emotional well-being.
So you need to get it. You need to prioritize it, because this isn’t selling out your dream, it’s the first step in realizing your dream. You can’t make films of any sort if your heart is always worried about dinner.
One thing I might suggest is to do what a lot of us liberal arts types have done: that you use your money to move to a state that has some sort of fast-track teacher certification program, get certified in English (if you have enough credits, they don’t care what your degree is in) or drama/speech and teach. It’s a professional job, and here in Texas I make enough by myself to have a three bedroom, 1700 square foot house and enough spending money that I am comfortable. If I were willing to live super cheap, I bet I could save 10-15K a year, and all summer long to make movies.
Here, at least, an urban alternative certification program would start paying you (small checks) in June and you’d start teaching in September.
And good for you. I’m just pointing out that this:
may be less accurate than you believe it is. In fact, I’m going to guess that everyone on this thread has some experience (either personally experienced or had someone close to them experience) depression. Its astoundingly common, and you’d have to live under a rock to have avoided some sort of experience with depression.
Right. Please, tell everyone yet again how much you hate living in “Hooterville”; how much greener the grass, more graceful the people, blah blah blah in California. California’s nice, okay? Better than nice, really great.
But it’s not the ultimate residence of all good on earth, or even in the US, for those receptive to other possiblities.
IOW, I’m sorry–quite honestly sorry–you’re unhappy and dissatisfied with so much where you live right now. It purely bites to feel exiled from a place that spells “home” to the heart and soul. But your long-standing–and oft-expressed–yearning to be back in California is your default preference. Maybe it’s a case of imprinting and that’s fine. But that imprinting, as an artist and individual, only applies to you, not to the rich possiblities of other places.
I don’t know how or what sven could make of anyplace as a filmaker. But Lord knows many artists manage to find not only havens but inspiration all over the damned place.
It’s a big ol’ world out there and–IMO–sven would be foolish to cramp her possibilities by any false boundary: city, state, region or country.
Man, I’ve missed you. Have you been lurking, or have I just not seen your posts?
Thanks…ripped it off from The Far Side.
Actually not. More than a few Dopers know what it’s like to be depressed, your’s truly included. Nice try, though.