Ever been caught in the "act"?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
41

My first boyfriend. He decided it would be a good idea for us to have some fun as the sun rose. We were naked as jaybirds and then my male roomate walked into the room.

My boyfriend was old school, having grown up in Tennessee in the 40’s, where apparently, having sex with a woman you weren’t married to sometimes involved an angry father, a gun, and someone getting to listen to wedding bells whether they wanted them or not. For some reason the boyfriend believed the roomate was my father coming after him. Suffice it to say my boyfriend panicked. He didn’t do anything more for the rest of the day.

My room mate was very apologetic.

42

This happened to a friend of mine… back in high school he and his girlfriend were in the mood one night, so they found a spot on some road up in the hills. He drove a VW Bug at the time, so he removed the back seat and put it outside so he could tilt the passenger seat all the way back.

After they’ve been going at it a bit there’s a knock on the window, and through the fogged up windows they see the flashing lights. My friend unrolls the window a bit, and sees the cop is standing with one foot up on the back seat, resting his forearm across his knee.

As for me, when I was 18 or 19, one night after partying at a friend’s house my girlfriend and I were trying to decide where we wanted to crash that night. My friend’s girlfriend decided she was staying there, so she told my GF and I we could go to her house and crash there; her mom wouldn’t mind (we knew the mom, and knew this would be true).

So we got to our destination, and the mom was in her bedroom, presumably asleep. So we went to the daughter’s bedroom, and started quietly fooling around… whilst we were 69ing, the door burst open and the mom came in - apparently she thought her daughter had come home. The way my GF sprang about eight feet into the air, twisted around, and landed in the closet was really quite amazing.

Fortunately the mom didn’t have her glasses on. She asked “Uh, more than one?” To which I replied “yeah.” “Oops, so sorry.” And that was that… for me and my GF that night, too. :mad:

43

I didn’t say that either the ambassador or her daughter were Russian, now did I?

44

This is kind of a backwards anecdote to tell in this thread for a number of reasons. But anyway…

When I was in my late teens my then gf and I went over to a female friend’s parent’s house (we’ll call her “the Blonde”). The Blonde had a pretty straitlaced upbringing but was at the time coming out of her shell. She had (has) an extremely high IQ but could be somehow amazingly dumb and naive at the same time.

So gf and I get let into the house by the mother of the Blonde who tells us that the Blonde and this male friend of ours (who we will call “the Guy”) were in the downstairs living room and we should just make our own way down. This was not unexpected as we knew that the Blonde was in serious flirtation with if not having it off with the Guy, despite him being, at least in theory, in a serious relationship with someone else. We knew this but it was theoretically a secret. So we opened the door at the top of the stairs and marched down. With the benefit of hindsight, there were perhaps some sounds of frantic activity in the few seconds available between us opening the door and us getting down the stairs, but at the time we didn’t notice.

By the time we got down the stairs the Guy was sitting at the piano looking as cool and nonchalant as he always did, and the Blonde was standing nearby blushing slightly. She excused herself shortly afterwards and went into her room (which came off the downstairs living room), and came back a few moments later looking more comfortable. She was wearing a very short dress.

The Guy left shortly afterwards. The Blonde looked embarrassed but blurted out:

Blonde: “Hey, you know when you guys came in here before?”

Us: “Yeah, sure”

Blonde: “I know what it looked like, but, ummm, there was nothing actually, you know, going on. And I was actually wearing knickers.”

Us: “Ahhhh… why would we have thought you weren’t wearing knickers? And we had no idea there was anything “going on”:confused:”

Blonde: “Oh. Damn. So you didn’t actually notice…”

Us [laughing]: “You silly cow, we had no idea you were having a romp or lacking underwear till you just said that! You were having it off with the Guy when we came in here, weren’t you, admit it.” [Chortle, chortle, chortle]

Blonde: “Dammit, dammit dammit…”

45

Once when my girlfriend and I were both still in high school we were engaging in what might politely be called “heavy petting” which was of course accompianied by heavy breathing and breathy exclaimations of “oh my goodness me”. This was in my bedroom and very quiet what with both parents in the house (but in my defence, not on the same floor).

This was all well and good, but it turns out that I’d knocked my phone off the hook at some point. The phone which was sat mere inches away from us on my bedside table. And so, when my dear Mother decided to make a phone call, well, she certainly didn’t hear a dial tone…

Having had sex on a beach in the middle of the day, in a cinema in the middle of a film (there weren’t many people in there) and on (not in, on) my car by the side of the road, I’m surprised I haven’t been caught at it more often. Of course there was that one time when my Dad came home early and my girlfriend had to run naked through the house clutching her clothes to her chest because we were doing it in his room because there was a plumber working on the shower next to my room. Suffice to say, plumber got an eyeful and Dad wasn’t fooled for a second.

46

Never been caught in the act with anyone but myself, and even then only once. I was 14 years old, and visiting my relatives for a couple weeks in the summer, and while watching TV in the middle of the night, got the urge to spank the monkey - everyone else was sleeping soundly in adjacent rooms. Just as I had pulled my pants all the way off and started to tame the rock-hard erection, lying on the couch, I heard the sound of a doorknob turning.

In utter terror I somehow managed to spring from the couch, jump into my pants and sit down again, in the fleeting moment it takes to open a door, so my aunt going for a midnight smoke saw nothing but my frightened face. I’m sure if I was offered 100 000 dollars to clothe myself as fast again, I wouldn’t be able to.

47

Oof. I too was never caught in the act with a person, but one time I was watching Moonraker on cable and enjoying myself to the imagery of the lovely Lois Chiles in zero-g when my mom walked in. Not into my room. Into the house. Fool of a took that I was, I had decided to yank in front of the tv in the living room.

Neither of us ever spoke about it, but the look she gave me…

48

Twice.

In HS, my girlfriend and I were going at it. My dad had apparently just made popcorn. He knocked twice on the door as he was opening it and said, “You kids want some popcor- Uh, guess not.”

Second time was in college. Easter Sunday of my freshman year, and I was invited to my GF’s place for dinner. She lived with her mom, a big, burly she-lumberjack type of woman. GF and I finished setting up the house and had an hour or 90 minutes to kill before the other guests were to arrive.

There we were, her wearing nothing but white stockings and garter while we express our intimacy in a manner normally represented by a two digit number when the door comes popping open. “I was going to ask you to glaze the ham, but I see you’re busy with sausage,” was her mom’s comment. Mom spun on her heal, the GF started laughing, I started to prepare for the shotgun blast I knew would happen the moment I stepped out of the bedroom.

Needless to say, neither of us got off.

49

Trade Ambien for Maker’s Mark, and the same thing happened with me and a girl I was dating. That was about a year ago, and I haven’t seen her since (although we’ve exchanged a few texts).

50

Once I was staying over night at my aunt’s house when I was a teen. I was in the closet at that time. I was in spare room with a couch and a bunch of boxes for storage. I happened to notice that some of my aunt’s playgirls were in one of the boxes and started looking at them. I was touching myself, but had only taken off my shirt and not my pants yet. Well the phone rang, and my uncle decided to answer the phone in my room instead of the one in the kitchen. What could I do except throw a pillow on top of the magazines and hope he didn’t notice? I think he could tell something was going on but not exactly what because he was apologetic. Years later I asked my Aunt if he had mentioned anything to her and she said he hadn’t.

51

I was about 13 or 14 years old, lying in the bath and washing my dick as quickly as I could.

I’d forgotten to put the snick on the door and my dad walked in, mumbles something and walks back out.

I swear to this day I heard him snorting with laughter outside on the landing.

I was married and my wife and I were doing “it” one Sunday morning. Sproglet ambles in, picks up the cat and ambles back out with nary a glance.

52

Several times.

When still living at home, my sister tried to walk into my room, found the door locked, knocked, and then loudly asked why my door was locked. My girl and I froze in place trying to figure out what to do. I think I said something like, “Little privacy, please. Unless it’s life or death, you can wait.” That was kind of embarrassing to deal with later, but not as embarrassing as it would have been if I hadn’t locked the door.

Different girlfriend a year or so later when I was staying with my dad and his wife for a couple of months. I was crashing in the converted garage, which had no lock. Her ankles were way up in the air, I was pounding my way to better health and happiness when my cousin walked in. He took about two steps, gasped, wheeled about and went right back out the door. He was about twelve at the time, so that was probably a bit of an eye-opener.

A young lady I dated in college and I were in the midst of “doing stuff” when her roommate came back a bit early. She pulled down her skirt, threw her panties in the hamper, and was presentable in seconds, I had to make do with throwing the blanket over my lap and attempting not to look glazed and excited. Her roommate caught on right away, of course, and didn’t expect me to get up at any time.

When you’re living in a place with four other guys, you all know when someone brought a chick home. None of us were particularly discreet, but one roommate, “Jesus”, was particularly noisy. He cramped my style a few times, but I did have one girlfriend who wanted to pay back #2 for obnoxious screaming during sex one afternoon by doing much the same thing. That was a fun session. Of course, afterward we found out that not just Jesus was home, but a couple of roommates who had been listening to the performance in the living room…right outside my (flimsy) door. Oops :smiley:

Those are a few of the more memorable occasions.

53

Yes, and it was traumatic as hell. I was about 20 years old, and home from college. My boyfriend lived about 75 miles from me, so I couldn’t see him as often as I’d liked to. Anyway, we would meet up halfway or whatever. Once we were going at it in the backseat of…one of our cars, I can’t remember which right now.

Well, we had just finished (THANK GOD) when RAP! RAP! RAP! on the window.

It was a cop. We had parked in a park, and were far away from civilization - it was a rainy, cold day, and nobody was around, but this cop was an asshole. He yelled at us, barked at us, hauled us both out of the cars - at least he gave us time to put our pants back on - and told us we were an embarrasment and out to be ashamed. He looked at our licenses and verified we were legit to drive, and then told us to leave his park.

It totally killed any desire I might have ever had for exhibitionism. I would never ever have public sex if there’s any chance I could get caught; the shameful memory of standing in the rain sans shoes and no jacket and a cop dressing us down still burns. I guess he accomplished his goal but it was pretty terrible.

54

Ever been caught in the “act”?

Is there a sign up list I can put my name on if I want to be caught in the “act”?
Or a Dopers "MatchdotCom for the adventurous? :confused:

55

As I understand it, it’s called craigslist. Include the words “adventurous, outgoing” in your post.

56

Dogging is a popular UK sport. Goggle for an eye opener!

BBC NEWS | Magazine | Blogging v dogging28 Sep 2005 … More people know what dogging is than blogging, according to a survey which suggests that Brits are not as tech-savvy as might be expected.

57

Are you James Bond?

58

Or at least does he look like him.

59

Cue music:

DAH-DAH-dummmm…
DAH-DAH-dummmm…
dum-digga-dum-dummm-dum-dum-dum
dum-digga-dum-dummm-dum-dum-dum

60

Or that if it’s a choice between sitting in and writing or being out and doing, they’d sooner take the doing!