I was in the midst of losing my virginity on top of my dorm room’s loft bed when we heard my roommate’s keys in the door. He rolled off me, and I sat straight up in bed to yell “STAY OUT!” Except the ceiling was only about 20 inches from the mattress, so I got out “STAY OWWWW!” when I split my eyebrow open on the plaster.
Good times, college. Good times.
Twenty inches of clearance and he was on top of you?
Well, what’s dorm sex if not furtive and uncomfortable?
(It was probably closer to two feet. Still, ridiculously little space up there.)
Envy and petty officiousness are a terrible combination.
I want to answer this OP, because I have a some good stories, but I keep on trying to organize all the incidences into different categories, to make them more manageable to think/write about. Categories such as-
I just gave up instead.
I am not an exhibitionist, nor one who delights in risky public sex. I just must be really, really unlucky.
No kidding. When I was 17 or 18, we were caught by an RCMP officer whilst parked and in the act somewhere between Kimberley and Cranbrook, BC. My boyfriend, being a gentleman, was first back into his pants and out of the car like lightning, giving me a chance to get dressed and also partially blocking the view. The cop was perfectly pleasant about the whole thing, didn’t peek into the car to gawk at me, and was basically just making sure everything was consensual and didn’t involve a vehicular breakdown.
Well, let’s see, my wife and I, who in our younger days couldn’t keep our hands off’n each other, have been interrupted *in flagrante delicto *by both sons, her younger sister, two of my brothers, and at least two dogs. And I’m not talking about just interrupted (can’t count the number of times that happened while raising children and hosting family members in our home) but actually walked-in-on, oh-my-God, beating-a-hasty-retreat caught in the act. All of these were in our bedroom! Well, okay, there was that time in the basement laundry room, but the damn kids were supposed to be in school! Mmmmm, good times!
My ex was, and continues to be as far as I know, a rather adventurous fellow. Because of him, I’ve had sex in some pretty interesting places, and gotten caught a few times. Once, early in our relationship, we were “busy” on the roof of a tall building which I refuse to identify when an LAPD helicopter shone their searchlight on us. Mecifully, they left, we finished up, and got the hell downstairs before the cops got back.
Car sex with my girlfriend. We were on a gravel road in the sticks and yet we still got busted. The fogged up windows probably gave him a clue. I’m sure the police hate doing that as much as us then teenagers hated it.
Getting caught masturbating to a Penthouse magazine by my brother when I was about the same age. I did get him back when I told him were I knew where he hid his porn videos.
This isn’t a bust but I think my daughter and step daughter knew what was going on. Step daughter “why are you hopping on the bed” My daughter " yeah you woke us up, can we watch a movie? ":eek: They where about 8 and 10 at the time so I keep telling myself that they didn’t know what was really going on.
Trade Maker’s Mark for a copious amount of red wine and I had a similar experience with a female classmate, except it wasn’t *myself *I was groping.
We weren’t exactly dating or having sex at the time, but thankfully she seemed amused by it—all the more so for my dumbfounded expression when she told me what I’d done.
I have never been caught as I said in the OP, but I have come close on a few occassion, most noticably in Istanbul, me and the SO of that time, were…you know…, in the hotel, and had left the “please clean” outside the room instead of turning it around to read “do not disturb” we heard the handle and damn she (who was buck naked) dashed off to the toilet. I was modest enough to be able to deal with the maid, I don’t think she saw us.
Bonus, Liverpool won that night!
I’d say you’re a “closet exhibitionist” if that didn’t sound like an oxymoron.
last week my boyfriend text messaged one of my friends to tell them i couldn’t talk because we were having sex.
oh wait, you already know that one.
I once lived with a roommate who kept trying to catch me in the act - does that count? He was unemployed and spent his days drinking while his wife worked 3 jobs. I would come home from work and shower and dress for dates - and he would always have reasons why he needed to access my part of the house . . .
I used to give my ex handjobs while I was driving. (He always let me drive so he could sleep - such a gentleman.) We often got truckers that would keep pace with us so they could enjoy the view.
I have also been on the other side twice - once I walked in on my parents standing up naked engaged in sex - they broke apart instantly. I was in my teens or early 20s - i ALWAYS made sure to knock and wait after that.
The other time was a few years ago when I was still married. I came home from work and walked in the front door to find my now ex sitting on the couch with his pants around his ankles and a blank screen on the TV (like you get when you stop a video). I was so used to finding his unemployed butt on the couch waiting for me to cook dinner, it took me a minute to realize what was different.
For the record, I realize that this is the point in the erotic literature where I seductively walk over and offer to help him out. However, he had already made it clear that he did not like watching porn with others and preferred to masturbate alone vs. having sex because it was just “too much work and pressure” to have sex with another human being. This is why he felt that sex every few years was more than enough for any married woman to sex. And this is why I’m now divorced and happily dating some who better matches my voracious sex fiend appetite
Answer it common!
Personally I would not really care about anybody but my parents and kids; mortifying the mere thought:eek:
Everybody else…eff off!
Cept Grandma:eek:
Maybe if I just limit it to one story per category?
Parents-
Sleeping over at boyfriends house, probably 16-17.(I was supposed to be at a friends house-technically I was…) His room was in the basement. He had woke up, went upstairs to go to the bathroom, get breakfast, etc. His father comes down to wake him up.
We’ve both got dark hair, although mine is quite a bit longer. I can hear his father coming, and scrunch down farther under the blankets. His father says “Mike, wake up. Mike are you up? You need to get out of bed, right now or you are going to be late!”
Surprisingly I (Mike) am not answering. In addition I am hoping against hope that Mike isn’t coming down the stairs in the meanwhile.
Now his dad starts shaking me awake. I’m scrunching even smaller into a ball hiding under the covers.
Finally I try to lower my voice enough to sound like a guy. “I’m getting up!”
His father relents at this point. Whether it was because he realized I wasn’t Mike or he thinks I am getting up, I have no idea.
He goes upstairs.
Less than a minute later, Mike comes down. How they did not see each other, I have no idea to this day.
I sneak out into the car, and we go on our merry way.
Authority figures-
Just a quick story, I have work to do.
Getting screwed on the hood of a 1969 Chevy Malibu convertible by my boyfriend at the time at a small park. Blue, in case you were wondering.
Cops, flashlight, stern talking to. By a cop who was friends with my Dad…
My early sex life was checkered with random entanglements, a few of which involved sex in public places. Surprisingly enough, I’ve only gotten caught one time, and it was while I was in high school.
So I was dating this guy, and his parents aren’t exactly the classiest people in the world. One afternoon, his dad asks me in front of the boyfriend, “So, how’s my son in bed?” I raised my eyebrow and decided not to answer. Not half an hour later, we’re back in his room, having sex when we hear a knock on the door. Being stupid teenagers, we didn’t say anything, hoping that whomever was on the other side would go away. Boyfriend’s dad opens the door, mutters a quick “sorry”, and slams the door shut. An hour later, we’re sitting with his mom and she tears into him about at least saying “I’m busy” or “in a minute” if that’s going on.
I was laughing over this, and then I read your location, and I just about fell over at the post/location combo.
And my own stories…
In high school, I had my first serious boyfriend over to Dad’s house after we got out of school but before he got home from work. We weren’t actually fooling around, but we had our shirts off and were cuddling on the couch when he came home earlier than usual. He walked into the living room and right on to his bedroom without pausing or saying a word. We put our shirts back on and I drove my boyfriend home. Dad and I never mentioned it.
Also in high school, in a different boyfriend’s basement, we were making out under a blanket and he started fingering me. Then his mother came down the stairs. We were still clothed, but he was pretty sure she knew what was going on. He figured she didn’t say anything about it because she was probably relieved that he liked girls (he was widely assumed to be gay).
Still in high school, same boyfriend, this time his parents are out of town for the weekend. We invited a couple of his friends over, and I decided to pass the time waiting for them to arrive by giving him a blowjob on the couch. Of course they arrived before I’d finished and walked right in on us.
Again: high school, senior year, same boyfriend. Having full-on sex in my bedroom, at least we were smart enough to lock the door. At this time, we were in conflict over whether to continue the relationship once we went off to college. In the throes of passion, I said something, he took it the wrong way, I realized that we needed to discuss it, and then my mom knocked on the door. We threw on our clothes and came out, but of course she knew exactly what was going on and definitely did not approve. She wanted my boyfriend to leave immediately, but I told her that he and I needed to have an important talk RIGHT NOW and said I wouldn’t have him over for the rest of the week if she would let him stay for a while that night. To mom’s credit, she accepted the deal.
When I was in college, mom found my vibrator in the drawer of my bedside table while I was home for the summer. She didn’t make a big deal out of it, though; just said that she didn’t understand the appear of vibrators.
My boyfriend and I have each caught each other masturbating. I sometimes masturbate in bed while he’s asleep because I like to fantasize that I’d be “in trouble” if he caught me, even though I know he wouldn’t care. I went to bed well before he did a couple weeks ago, and woke up an hour or so later when nature called. When I stepped out of the bedroom, I saw my boyfriend naked on the couch with a blanket over his lap, hastily closing his laptop computer. I started laughing and called out, “I know what you’re doing!” on my way to the bathroom. I think I wished him a good night on my return trip to the bedroom.
Never quite been caught … but this does remind me of this one time in high school, where I got saved by timing and considerate parents. They came home unexpectedly early, and seeing my girlfriend’s car parked in front of our house, decided to knock on their own front door before coming inside.
As it happens, we’d finished our … recreational activities some minutes before (on the living room couch, just the other side of that front door no less). Nevertheless, my GF had the chutzpah to be offended at their consideration. “What did they think we were doing, that they had to knock?” she huffed. Um, I dunno. Something like what we’d been doing fifteen minutes before? :smack: