Heres the deal, I want to hear good ole stories that you’ve buried deep down in the recesses of your memory. You hid away the most frightening mortifying experinces of your life. Now share them with the TM!!
OK, so tell us about that time you got busted in various stages of undress in compromising situations. Did mom and dad catch you pleasuring yourself? Did mom and dad catch you pleasuring your significant other, or not so significant other? Roomates, Ex’s, significant others, strangers intentional or not, cops, Jehovah’s Witnesses walk in unexpectedly? Spill the dirt, and all your shame will be absolved. Or who knows, maybe you liked it 
Anyways here’s mine. It really wouldn’t be fair if i didn’t go first now would it.
Episode 1: Setting: Public Park in a wooded area of a quiet neighborhood, approx. midnight. The players: myself and one voluptious girlfriend.
We, just back from freshman year of college and used to sharing a bed, were desperate for a private, quiet secluded area. The best we could think of on short notice was to do it high school style in the car. I drive a Mustang so the backseat was a non-option. After making out and getting warmed up and steaming the windows the clothing became cumbersome and was removed. She straddled me in the passenger seat, and about 10 minutes in as we were reaching a good rhythm going we first hear a tap on the window followed by a flashlight in the eyes, and other regions. Frozen, she presses against me to cover up, and I say “Can I help you officer?”. He grins, and suggest we get dressed seeing as the park closed at sundown. Needless to say that next time we took a sleeping bag out into the woods, and left the car on the street.
Episode 2: Setting: Albaquerque, NM at my long distance girlfriend’s (not the same as above) apartment which she shares with her father. The beginning of Spring Break.
I just arrived in town from Chicago that afternoon, and she picked me up from the airport where we had a spirited tongue wrestling match in the car in the lot. Eventually we tore away and managed to drive across town to her apartment, when we got there we were quite frisky and impatient. Her brother who also had the week off was flying in that same night, and was being picked up by her father. We had fooled around long enough that we just missed her dad leaving to go pick the brother up at the airport. So convienently we had the place to ourselves, and were determined to make the most of it. We got right into it, and didn’t waste time on details. It was that exciting animalistic excitement where everything seems to be in the way, and the clothes won’t come off fast enough. We eventually ended up in her bathroom (attached to the bedroom) with her lifted up onto the sink. At this point reaching a feverish pitch, we hear hat frightening sound of the door opening and her father and brothers voices. Apparently her brothers flight had arrived early, and her dad left about 45 minutes earlier than we had predicted. Us, without any of our logical thinking minds about us, frantically try and think of a way to pretend that the locked door to her room was not concealing anything. The idea we come up with is for her to jump in the shower, and me to walk out into the living room before they realize the door was locked. In retrospect this was a poor choice. I still had a dark shirt on, and the signs of her arousal were apparent on the front of the shirt. I threw on a pair of mesh shorts, and they didn’t quite conceal the not-quite-flaccid member. Not to mention the fact that I was light headed and certainly flushed and desheveled. I walk out, not quite aware of how obvious the situation is, and am forced to make small talk while she “showers”. This was a quite awkward situation on all sides. Luckily her family was quite fond of me, and we’d been together long enough that it was assumed we were having sex, but that doesn’t make it any easier to have it proven without a doubt. That dinner her father took us out to that night was a rough one. The upside is that we never needed to have that “We’ll get you set up on the couch” charade.
Believe it or not, that’s not the worst one.
Episode 3: Setting: Class trip in Germany sophmore year in high school over Spring Break. The players: 50 German class students and one teacher who I annoyed.
I was a sophmore and she was a freshman. She was in a serious relationship with a senior who happened to be very close family friends with the german teacher. We noticed one another as soon as we got to the airport, and after the 11 hour flight we’d gotten comfortable around one another. Over the next night (a great story in itself) we gave in to the hormones and began sleeping together. As the trip went on we spent less time socializing and taking in scenery, and more locked in the various hotel rooms. Considering we became joined at the hip, and sat together on all the bus trips the entire class was aware of the situation. The teacher also aware, hating me and being close friends with her boyfriend (who was back in the USA) went out of her way to check to see what room I was in in the morning. This didn’t slow us down much. About a week into the trip we stayed at a hotel with keycard locks on the doors. We were naked and completely under the covers (heads and all) fooling around when suddenly the covers get ripped off, and a bright light is shining in our eyes. Apparently, the other students (about 15 of them) told the front desk they lost the key to our room. They snuck quietly in, and were carrying a camcorder with a bright spot light on it. They caught us in rare form, I chased them out, went back to check on her, then ran down the hall after them in my boxers. I caught the kid who owned the camera, but he’d given it to someone faster. I began punching the kid, and the teacher came out and broke us up after hearing the commotion. Well eventually someone told her the story, and she tracked down the tape and came into the room she locked me in after the fight. Apparently everyone watched it, and she made the point of telling me she watched it, and she confiscated it. Needless to say i didn’t sleep that night much, but sure enough i was back on the horse the next night. That teacher threatened to get us expelled (on what grounds I don’t know) because of it, but I suspect she kept it to herself for fear of being blamed for not supervising us. That was a great trip.
So, I spilled my guts, and I expect to hear some good dirt on you deviants. Don’t leave me hanging.
The facts expressed here belong to everybody, the opinions to me. The distinction is
yours to draw…
Omniscient; BAG
