Ever Been The Guy To Ask The Really Stoopid Question? Yeah, I Thought So.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I had the honor to spend three years in Germany courtesy of my Rich Uncle Sam and made it my personal mission to see all of Europe that I possibly could.

Every tour I took was really for Germans, but they understood that there were always a couple of Americans in the crowd and they tried their damn best to accommodate us. But it was always amusing.

We’d walk into what was obviously a bedroom in the castle and the tour guide would speak about the room for about five minutes in German, pointing to replicas and describing them. Then, she’d switch to English and say, “This was Wilhelm’s bedroom.” After which she’d simply turn, wave her hand, and we’d move on. And I was cool with that.

So I’m flying on a charter tour to London for five days and I’m really stoked. I wanted to do it all.

As we are approaching Heathrow, the tour guide stands up and addresses us over the PA and speaks for about thirty minutes in German. By now, I know to zone out until she switches to English for the three or four of us in the group. But she does not—she simply hands the microphone back to the stew and promptly sits down.

I am confused. What about me?

I get up and confront her. “Hey, what did you just get finished saying?”

It is her turn to be confused. “I told them how they could arrange tours.”

I am incensed. “And how can I arrange tours?”

She goes all “deer in the headlights” on me: “But you…speak English.”

Conditioned response is a bitch. Have you done the perp walk?

2

heheheHEHEHEHEHEheheheheHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I had to read that twice to understand the punchline. Once it registered in my tiny brain where exactly you were going, I scared my puppy with my laughing.
I ask really dumb questions all the time, enough so that I don’t bother remembering them.

3

That isn’t quite a completely stupid question, though, since your own tour operator could have things like pre-arrangements with local companies or simply make brochures available. You would still need to know whether such services were in place.

4

This thread didn’t quite go the way I had expected, but I was amused nonetheless.

There was a time when I was asking some pretty stupid questions, though. I had just started an assignment as a consultant at a new (to me) company. The project manager put me right to work on stuff, but I had no idea why I was there or what I was doing. I asked for explanations, but got high level gibberish instead.

Me: What do they do here?

PM: Subscriptions are managed through a Fortensian Workflow Paradigm, in a level 8 Mankansian Plodogram Floofooniamidine.

Me: I’ll ask again. What do they do here? Is this some sort of business?

PM: Fortensian Workflow Paradigm subsciptions are processed at level 8, which – duh! – is three levels higher than level 17. That way, the Plodogram can fujikamatutilize…

Me: Stop. I’m trying to find out what sort of business this is. What. Do. They. Do. Here?

PM: Level 17 is Green Level, level 24 is Chartruese Level, which is the same as Floofooniamidine Level but only on every third Thursday of months ending in either Y or F. On alternate Tuesdays, Hamfast the Glorious submits…

Me: STOP! Just… stop. Talk to me like I’m four. Talk to me like I just fell off the turnip truck and have no clue why I’m here. Let’s start with this: Do they sell something here?

PM: Sales are processed through the Vramblito Huckenstien system, which is derived from the…

Me: STOP! Forget about talking to me like I’m four. Talk to me like I’m three. Do they sell something here?

PM: Djowevpmvv…

Me: Just answer yes or no. There are only two valid answers. Do they sell something?

PM: Yes.

Me: OK, good. That’s an answer I can understand. They sell something. So, this thing that they sell… Is it something I can hold in my hands?

PM: With a level 3 subscription, you could process it in a form that…

Me: I didn’t ask about level 3. Is there, by any stretch of the imagination, a way that I could hold this product or service in my hands?

PM: Yes.

Me. Awesome. Now we’re getting somewhere. Could I buy one for less than five dollars?

This went on for about an hour and a half. I finally got out of her that the company sold information, for, like, a LOT of money. My job was to write an application so that a couple of guys could approve access to that information. Name, address, and a checkbox in a scrollable list.

One might have said so in the first place.

5

Nope, sorry, tdn, you’re in the wrong thread – that was a good question, and a stupid answer. Um, many stupid answers.

6

I had a brain fart at one point and had to ask if Leif Garrett was the viking or the musician from the 70’s. :smack: I think that was the dumbest question I’ve asked.

7

“So you don’t really celebrate Thanksgiving then?”

-to my English host family, in England. :smack:

8

Good point. :wink:

9

Could have been worse – could have been about the 4th of July!

tdn: I feel your pain… (SW developer, marketing-facing :rolleyes: )

10

I had a job indexing periodicals for a major academic database. Some of the journals I was responsible for were in the local law library, so I ventured off to the law school.

Now, I’m not one of these guys who will try to find something on his own if there’s someone right there who can quickly give me directions. So, as soon as I get in the front door of the law school, I ask a student splayed out on the couch where the library is.

She looks at me quizzically for a second, then slowly points.

Right behind me.

To a wall of glass windows.

Through which I can see shelves upon shelves of books.

And a sign in two-foot letters above.

Reading “LAW LIBRARY.”

I thanked her and went about my business.

11

Oh she most certainly did—but for German speakers only. I had an absolutely fabulous time on my own, saw and did more I’m sure than my fellow travelers, and was actually able to converse with the natives! Over pints of beer at many different pubs. The Brits get a kick out of us Yanks; they think we talk funny.

12

When I first arrived in England, someone arranged to give me some money, and told me the amount in quid. I was familiar with the British pounds and pence system, but had no idea what a quid was, so I did the sensible thing – I walked into the bank and asked.

I’m sure there are people still posting on some bank teller’s message board about that American who asked how much a quid was.

13

That’s not a stupid question, mate. Ignorant, yes, but we all start out ignorant.

I once had a student ask me what country Hotel Rwanda was set in. That was stupid. Good student, but not his finest hour.

14

I had to ask that in a store in Oxford too - you’re not the only one.

A few years ago I looked through my American changepurse and realized that I’d never noticed that foreigners are so screwed with our coins - they don’t all actually say what they are! “One Dime” indeed! (When I worked retail I definitely was on the other side of what I’ve had to do in other countries sometimes - just hold out the handful of change and hope the clerk is honest.)

15

Last year I was on a bus tour of Denali National Park in Alaska. The driver was pointing out all the landmarks, “Up here on the left is this, up here on the right is that”. Then he says, “In about five minutes we’ll be crossing over Hurricane Gulch”, and before I could stop myself, I blurt out, “Which side is it on?”, which is like asking which side the Mississippi River will be on as you cross over it. The driver got a confused look on his face for a second and then politely answered, “You’ll be able to see it from either side.” I felt like a total jag-off.

16

Reminds me of when I was a brand new 19 year old recruit in my department’s fire academy. Granted, I was the only recruit who wasn’t already a certifed firefighter, and in fact a complete noob. But still…

The evolution involved drafting to a fire pumper. This consists of hooking a large solid hose from the fire engine into a standing body of water, like a pond or swimming pool, thereby establishing a water supply. We practiced it at a rural pond.

Instructor: “And that gentlemen, is drafting. Any questions?”

Me: “Yessir. Why wouldn’t you just hook up to a hydrant?”

Instructor: “Uh well, recruit Tix, we would if there was one available. We draft when there is no other water supply avail— JESUS CHRIST!!! DID YOU JUST FUCKING ASK THAT QUESTION!!! DO YOU SEE A FUCKING HYDRANT AROUND HERE!!! GOT ONE IN YOUR PANTS, MAYBE??? DID YOU JUST FUCKING ASK THAT!!! FUCKING TESTS!!! WE GOT FUCKING TESTS TO WINNOW OUT THE WINDOW LICKERS AND YET HERE YOU ARE!!! HOLY FUCKSHIT!!! MOTHER OF GOD!!!”

Me::eek:

I got smarter quick. :smiley:

17

Aweome, Tixnfleaz :slight_smile:

18

Not at the time sir. Not at the time. :slight_smile:

19

When a girlfriend and I began dating, she told me that she had a twin brother. “Oh,” said I. “Are you fraternal or identical …”

She’d apparently been asked it before, but I still felt pretty stoopid.

20

If it makes you any better, if I had a dollar for every time I get asked about my twins (boy and girl…), well… I couldn’t retire, but it would be a nice additional source of income :stuck_out_tongue: