Ever have an "Abbott and Costello" moment?

In My Humble Opinion
1

That is, a time when words cause great confusion. I was just listening to a high school basketball game where the announcers were referring, among other thigns, to a player named Shott and his actions, and thought I’d ask you all.

My personal favorite was that we came up with the cool nickname “Hoom” for our friend Humayun in college. So, when my one buddy and I were in grad school/law school, he stops by my dorm room and ask who I’d been talkign to ont he phone. Of course, in this instance, I said “Hoom was on the phone.”

Well, he thinks I’m trying to correct his grammar - it did need corrected at times in writing, anyway - and proceeded to say, “Oh, sorry, whom was on the phone?” It took us about a minute before we got it straight.

2

Me: “Mike’s skipping school to go to a concert.”
Jen: “Thursday, is it?”
Me: “No, today.”
Jen: “The band–”
Me: “I don’t know what band.”
Jen: “Thursday.”
Me: “No – ohhh…”

It was funny for a minute or so after I figured it out, but then I felt really dumb.

3

Oh, I had a classic one about ten years ago at a magazine when I picked up the phone and it was Penny Mee calling for Laila Yu . . . I swear I am not making this up.

4

When the Kunilou twins were small, one of them asked me “Dad, do you work alone?”

I explained to him as simply as I could that I worked on a team, and sometimes I work by myself while other times I work with other team members.

He looked at me blankly and said “But do you wear cologne?”

I told this story to my boss, who then told it to his wife. “…and he asked, ‘Dad, do you work alone?’”

At that point, the wife interrupted with, “Why would he want to know if Kunilou wears cologne?”

5

I remember this one from a rehearsal of “Wild Oats”. . . the girl playing Kate Thunder was supposed to say “What?”, but she forgot the line. So she called to the prompter:

“Line!”

“What?”

“Line!”

“What?”

“LINE!”

“WHAT?”

She finally caught on, but the rest of us were laughing too hard to continue.

6

It’s not that funny, but I once went back and forth with my coworker about how she lived on a form; I was wondering what, exactly, a form was, and if it were some sort of weird Texas thing. Turns out she has a FARM.

7

In German class a long time back, I was trying to do some English homework and was having trouble identifying the noun in a sentence I was trying to work with.

ME: “I’m having some trouble with this sentence…”

TEACHER: “Okay…,” (looking it over.)

ME: “What’s the noun?”

TEACHER: “Yes.” (Thinking I was referring to the word ‘was’, meaning ‘what’.)

ME: Right, but what’s the noun?

TEACHER: “Yes!”

ME: what?

TEACHER: “Yes!”

ME: WHAT?!

TEACHER: “YES!!”

The entire class was derailed when the teacher and I finally took a mental step back and realized the error in our communication.

8

I have a bonafide “Who’s on First” moment every semester in my Aqua Aerobics class. I usually have the class play different games in the middle of class, and one of them is aqua baseball.

Of course they have to swim the bases, and the rules are tweaked slightly to conform to the element, but some of the girls aren’t too keen on team sports and are slow to take up their positions.

After I line out how the game works, I usually find that one or more of the bases have no baseperson, in which case and with great glee, I get to say “Okay, WHO’s on first”???

It almost never fails that about half of the class “gets it” and starts playing along, and the others are treading water and TRYING to figure out what’s happening.

Great icebreaker though. :smiley:

9

Listening to an CD of old music in the car with my sister:

Her: "Who plays this song?’
Me: “Yup.”
"What?’
“The Who.”
“Who what?”
Me, realizing what’s happening: “No - the band. Y’know, the Who. THey are playing this song.”

10

When my oldest daughter was about 12, she was on her period. I was picking out clothes for the kids to wear, and I had in mind for her a cream-colored skort. I was in the laundry room, and she was in the dining room eating breakfast (one large and one small room between us). Wanting to know if she was close enough to finishing her period to wear a light color, I called to her:
“When will you be done bleeding?”
“In about 5 minutes”
“Wow. How can you time it like that?”
“I know how long it takes”
“To the minute?”
“Well, not exactly, but, you know. . .”
Finally, perplexed, I said “What in the world are we talking about, here?”
“Don’t worry, I’m all ready done.”

After a bit, we both figured out the error. When I said “When will you be done bleeding?” She thought I said “When will you be done eating?”

11

Computers on networks need names. People like to name computers after other people (family, coworkers, etc.)

Computers fail, or in jargon “die”.

The phrase “so-and-so died” has to be avoided. I learned the hard way.

12

**It’s all about ME **

My maiden name is Dei. Pronounced Dye.

There were two Joan’s at our office. Me and Joan Hergert, who was an older lady in her 60’s. A dithering old lady. I, was a hip 20-something gal of the world.

Because of the Two Joan Factor, we were refered to by our last names. Hergert or Dei.

One day someone came in asking to see Joan.

The usual response to that was , " Which one." But some how in the conversation ( I wasn’t present) it got convoluted to being something like, " Joan Dei or…"

The customer…" Joan DIED?"

And then the other dithering old ladies in the office ( all part timers who never really knew what was going on.) jumped in on the Joan-is-dead frenzy.

Naturally, this being a place of professional business mein, all the bosses and the people who actually knew what was going on, were out to lunch.

So, I walk in from lunch to see the cluster of ditherers and the clients in a tizzy. " What’s going on?"

“Joan Died.”

I chuckled to myself, " That would be me."

“No. Joan Died!” one was urgent.

“Hergert isn’t dead. She’s at lunch.”

“But she died.” the same dithering idiot impressed with sincerely.

It took me moment to explain my name and the great hilarity of it.
When the other Joan reappeared from lunch, I shared the joke and told her she needed to get a last name that was a verb, like Fuckov or Lipschittz.