Ever receive NOTHING for Christmas as a child? Parents - ever give NOTHING to your kids?

In My Humble Opinion
61

Not nothing under the tree exactly, but. . . well start with the fact that both of my parents are narcissists. My Dad is the showy grandiose type, my Mother the Martyred morose type. Dad was in charge of buying gifts for my older brother, and Mom was in charge of buying gifts for me. Add also the fact that they were both the oldest children in their families, and greatly resented younger siblings who got “more” than they did.

I guesss Mom’s lack of financial control also figures in greatly. She had a strict budget and no access to more.

So Dad went on a yearly last-minute buying spree for Brother. Bro seldom got exactly what he asked for (no forethought involved) but whatever looked “cool” at the store would be bought and wrapped for him. My Mother basically used the Christmas budget as a chance to buy all the things she’d wanted over the course of the year, and then wrap them up in boxes with my name on them. So when she was bird-watching, I got binoculars. When she was exercising, I got mats and a VHS tape. Like that. Always a lot less, and seldom anythign which actually made it to my room. I remember once actually being smacked for trying to use the binoculars.

It was just understood that he somehow deserved more than I. I was probably in my twenties before I realized that was BS. Fortunately, I have never really been all that into “things” anyway. And I had an Aunt who always sent me a really good book, and I greatly looked forward to that.

There was also the year after the divorce. Bro would have been about 13, but for obvious reasons he still ran down the stairs like a 4-year-old every Christmas morning. I preferred to sleep in as long as possible. He came in all sad saying there were no presents downstairs. I shrugged and rolled over to go back to sleep. I was further awakened however, by my Mom yelling at my Dad over the phone. Apparently they had hidden the gifts at his apratment, and he got too drunk to drive them over the night before. He brought them, he really stank, there was nothing there but clothes in my Mother’s colors and a pair of boots I had specifically said I didn’t want.

Meh.

Last year Celtling shocked me by getting upset that there were no presents under the tree for Mommy. I guess I’ll have to do something nice for myself this year! :wink:

62

I do remember when my mother took me shopping in late fall for a coat, and told me that was my Christmas present.

She also decided not to have any decorations or tree when I was about 14, so I saved up money from my job and bought a tree; I decorated it myself. Kind of a sad memory.

My wife, bless her, decorates our home…I really enjoy the care she takes to bring the holiday to life with warmth and tradition.

63

Sorry. I probably should read about these message boards and not just revive an old thread, simply for the purpose of replying, but I wanted to respond enough to create an account, even though this thread is 2 years old. I was reading a recent poll conducted at Walmart, where parents said they gave their children Christmas gifts, regardless of the child’s behavior, and it reminded me of an old episode of Little House On The Prairie I’d seen where a boy loses his Christmas gifts because he tells his younger brother there is no Santa. That struck me as cruel, so I googled terms to find out if any parents actually did this.

Mine never did, but my mother did remove Halloween one year for religious reasons. My mother claimed we were going to a Halloween party, but instead she took the family to a Bible study where I met a little girl whose parents never celebrated Halloween. I was about 7, the same age as the girl who never got to go. I felt very sorry for her, as she seemed miserable, but I was also angry with my mother that this was clearly no Halloween party. My siblings and I cried on the way home because we had missed Halloween, and our mother told us we were spoiled.

TruCelt’s story reminded me somewhat of my own. Both my parents had been the youngest in their respective families, and they had both been favored and spoiled by their parents. They claimed this was only natural, that all parents favor their youngest child, shrugging off my complaints about their favoritism with “life is unfair” and “all parents favor the youngest” boredom. In adulthood, I actually was astonished to discover that oldest siblings were sometimes favored and spoiled. However, I don’t intend this comment to downplay the pain TruCelt clearly experienced. We disfavored offspring have too much in common to quibble over family placement. Obviously, your parents, like mine, were spoiled brats.

Also, Annie-Xmas, I fear many kids are disliked by idiot parents because there is too great an IQ gap for them to undertand their child. My IQ is certainly not as high as yours, but I am in the gifted range, and I think my mother is in the slower range of normal. My younger brother is slightly smarter than her. I suspect he has an average IQ, but he was very much favored over me. Although I tried hard to please my mother, and her behavior always baffled me, only today do I realize that she must have felt threatened by me. She was so afraid I’d discover I was smarter than her that she always shot me down and tried to destroy my self esteem. It worked. I was well into adulthood before I finally realized that she hadn’t simply been acting stupid my entire life in her attempts to be malicious. She was honestly that stupid. It was the only theory I could fathom where her behavior made sense, but I had avoided that conclusion throughout my childhood, never accepting that she might possibly be as dense as she behaved. Even today, she becomes extremely jealous if I ever enjoy any success. In our early adulthoods, she tried hard to promote my brother and to destroy my opportunities. So I’m just writing to say you’re not alone, and I wish you happier times this Christmas. :slight_smile:

64

Dysfunctional mothers, who do not love themselves in any way, find it impossible to manifest love for the unfortunate daughter who inherits both their looks and their nature. Her other children carry some of her traits, and bear some resemblance. But the one that’s a ‘mini me’ is going to grow up wondering why her mother hates her so much? When you loath everything about yourself, it’s only follows that, as the child grows to be more like you everyday, she becomes impossible for you to love too.

There are plenty of reasons why mothers hate their daughters/children.

65

When my cousins were small, their mom (my uncle’s ex-wife) would make a big show of giving them presents on Christmas day. After a day or two, she’d take the older child’s presents, but not the younger child’s who was her favorite, back to the store and return them for money. Grade-A Bitch.

My mother, as much of a neglectful fuck-up as she was, always gave me Christmas presents.

66

Years ago my son was being naughty one December morning. He explained that he wanted to get coal for Christmas, because he wanted one of those coal miner’s helmets with a flashlight on it.

67

My mother is a malignant narcissist, Christmas was for her the chance to showcase her ‘perfect family’, the house would be decorated (tastefully), a dinner would be cooked, and the family paraded at Mass for everyone else to see.

Presents were not high on her list of priorities, I can remember my brothers being given things they wanted, liked and got great enjoyment out of, I on the other hand being the bane of her life (most narcissistic mothers offload all their hatred on one child while deifying the others), so I’d get the apple and 50pence in my stocking and something mundane as my main present. I did get some toys over the years, but only after I’d begged her for sufficiently long time beforehand, and if I didn’t express what she considered to be appropriate gratitude they’d be taken back off me until I apologised profusely to her for my ungrateful behaviour.

I remember her asking me “what do you want for Christmas?” and I’d answer, which would send her into a Rage screaming “how DARE you?!?!?!” at me repeatedly. How dare I what? Be so selfish and ungrateful as to ask my poor mother to give me <whatever> for Christmas. She’d go on and on about how disgusted she was and that she’d not raised me to behave like that.

I think most of the proper presents I got were bought my my dad.

When I got ‘too old’ for presents I’d be given money and this was met with a song and dance routine of her holding out money to me with a Look on her face. If I took the money she’d start screaming her head off at me for having the cheek to take money from her. If I didn’t take it, she leave it lying somewhere so I could pick it up later.

I have two friends now who give me a box full of small gifts for Christmas every year. I get so embarrassed when I open them.

68

Truth before toysfortots and other services, It really was a bad year, as the child of a farmer. Once the crop was in there was clothes for school, which we worked to earn, but as far as the gift thing, no, nothing. Don’t require condolences, I’ve become an adult, and now try to make sure that there gifts for those that work hard but have hard times too.

69

Not me, but my dad, when he was eleven, got ganged up on by his father and uncles. They all gave him comb and brush sets, to call attention to his touseled hair. Six different comb and brush sets. Funny ha ha…

He hated Christmas for the rest of his life, and I don’t blame him a bit.

70

Mr. S grew up in similar circumstances. Very poor. They worked to pay for their own school clothes. Never had a birthday party. Christmas “presents” were usually gloves, or socks, or a book. They would have been better off if they’d been on welfare, but his dad was too proud to sign up. To this day, receiving gifts makes him very uncomfortable.

71

Quite a few years I got no Christmas. I was the black sheep of the family (due to circumstances of my birth). And while my brothers and sisters all got presents I had to stay in my room wile they opened theirs. My Birthday is a week before Christmas and it was not celebrated either. My brothers and sisters were forbidden to even tell me Happy Birthday. Although my eldest and only full sister would sneak me a little something. Even when I was allowed to celebrate with the family my Birthday and Christmas were combined.

72

How do you deal with someone like that? Are there things you or others do to celebrate his birthday or holidays that don’t involve gifts? Or does he prefer to no be acknowledged? Or do you give him gifts anyway?

Joe

73

Oh, he’s gotten better. These days it’s more like indifference. He likes to go out for a nice dinner with me on his birthday, but more than that is definitely not required. No point in me throwing a big party for him or anything. One year he decided we could invite two couple with whom we are fairly close over for dinner. I don’t think we mentioned that it was his birthday before they arrived.

We’ve been married for more than 20 years and circumstances make it hard for us to shop secretly for each other, so most years Christmas and anniversaries are either gifts for both of us/the house, or nothing. We’re good to each other all year round. :slight_smile: Still, I harbor a not-so-secret wish to have a surprise party thrown for me some day. Since he’d have to be heavily involved in it, don’t think it’ll ever happen. :frowning: I tell him what I want to do on my birthday, and we do it. Sometimes I get a surprise present, but sometimes he asks me what I want. I love holidays and parties, but he’d be happy to spend most holidays sitting around home in his underpants. So if I want a holiday experience, I have to do it myself. (No kids.) It can be trying sometimes, but I guess I’m used to it.

74

My siblings and I grew up very poor and regular trips to the dentist weren’t available. I remember the first time I went to the dentist. It was a state welfare dentist, no Novocaine, and a belt driven drill. I was in the chair for many hours. Lots of cavities. I don’t ever recall any teeth maintenance discussions. I always felt bad for this lack of good dental care.
Fast forward ahead. I am newly married with a 12 year old step daughter. Still poor and no dentist. Well, I was always one for practical Christmas gifts, so I gave everyone a prepaid dental appointment. I will never forget the look on the step daughter’s face. This probably falls under what gift is worse than nothing! In my wife’s Christmas tradition were large Christmas stockings, filled with lots of very cool stuff. Some have said the stockings are better than presents. Well, my step daughter did get her stocking as usual, but the big gift was a dental appointment card. I don’t recommend this as a present.

75

No, it falls under “it’s the thought that counts.” And the thought was that you wanted to take care of your loved ones and give them something you always regretted not having. I’d probably be fairly non-plussed at first blush too, but it was really a very sweet gesture.

76

Yeah, I actually got a dental appointment for christmas the first year I had to pay for my own. I was sooo happy!. I get that every year from mom, now. She hates christmas shopping, so it’s a win-win.

Probably best for people who are paying themselves though. The 12-year old had no frame of reference for how great a gift that was.

77

Every year I got dragged off to my sister’s house as she had the big blow out party (she’s 15 years older than I am; my nephew is 3 years younger.)

My sister does not, and never has, liked me.

So it was fantastic to watch my nephew open a fuckton a presents, watching the adults exchange presents, and nothing for me. [I did get presents at our house before we left, but my mother has never liked xmas, so it was, ‘Hurry up’ and open some stuff, then get dragged away to my sister’s. I was also no permitted to eat at table with them, or if it were one of her buffets, in the same room. Or she would tell me that she’d gotten me the most fantastic present, and ‘Oooh, but I can’t find it, so sorry.’

Then there was the time a close friend invited me to spend a few days at Christmas with his family – only didn’t tell them he was bringing me. I was an adult at this point, but yeah, that was festive, too, watching the whole family exchanging their gifts and feeling like a spare part.

The best Christmasses are spent alone, seriously. No bullshit, no dealing with other people, and doing whatever the hell you want. Mine these days involve me in London for a few days, no phone, no internet, and no itinerary.

78

That is so seriously fucked up, Ms Boods! I can understand no Christmas gifts due to financial circumstances, but the “no gifts because we want to make you feel like shit” thing is unconscionable.

79

I used to have a similar experience to Ms Boods. My paternal grandmother did not approve of my dad marrying my mum. So whilst my cousins got individual presents, our family would receive something like a tin of biscuits. Never really bothered me that much, we all knew grandma was bonkers.

80

No worries – my sister was and is a shit, and my mother never intervened because it was just ‘easier’ for me to go along with it (easier for my mother, who is professionally passive-aggressive). Hasn’t scarred me or anything like that, seriously :slight_smile: It was a long time ago. Also, my mother has written her out of the will, apparently.