The scene: My first Halloween party at my office. My then-manager was wearing an incredibly cheesy pirate outfit that she’d thrown together at the last minute (it basically consisted of a pair of jeans, a striped rugby shirt and a skull-and-crossbones bandana. She tried to jazz it up a bit by making a parrot out of an old manila folder.)
Later, at lunch, one of our coworkers noted that the parrot looked dead. I immediately remarked:
“No, no. He’s pining for the fjords!”
I was extremely disappointed that only one other person at our table got the reference. So I guess you can say I got away with it.
Actually I just thought of another one - I’ve used the “I’ve got huge tracts of land” before and the person totally missed it. They actually asked if it was a farm or what. Hehe.
I always say “They fuck you in the drive-thru” whenever I’m going through one (even if they don’t get the order wrong) - can’t remember if that is the exact quote but it’s Joe Pesci in (I think) Lethal Weapon 3.
when asked if I like this asoundingly hot new girl at work I replied with this quote
“I want to lick every inch of her naked body from head to toe like a postage stamp”
When ever I am complimented on something I have done: “I have moments.” from “Assualt on Precinct 13” (The original, I don’t know if the line is in the new version.) My cousin is the only one I know who has caught the reference. (because we would watch it together over and over on cable years ago.)
I also use the “…makes coffee nervous” line all of the time. I’d say that my audience catches the reference to “She’s Got Mail” only about half the time.
Actually, I use a lot of lines from films and plays. My cousin (who is my partner in crime and best friend) gets the references. But alot of the time those around us haven’t a clue, which only cracks us up even more. The funniest bit for us was when Tim (my cousin) was in ICU after emergency surgery. I am in visiting him and the first thing I say to him is “Your mother called, the dog died.” from “Class.” His new wife heard me and said “Oh, I’m so sorry Tim.” Tim kept laughing for about 15 minutes even though he had a 8-10 inch incision in his belly. He’d laugh then moan. Of course his pain would make me laugh, which would set him off again. It is our favorite line when life has laid a whole lot of shit on us and we need to place that extra cherry on top.
Both Mr. singular and I use movie quotes all the time. I’ll never forget the first time he leaned in to kiss me. Just before our lips were to meet, he drew back and said “Now I am going to take you into my arms and kiss you. Very quickly and very hard!” I thought it a little quirky, but I wanted to kiss him, so I smiled and kissed. A few months later we were watching Seven Year Itch together, and I was thrilled to hear Tom Ewell say the same thing to Marilyn Monroe.
Twenty-three years later we’re still kissing. Very quickly and very hard.
Whenever someone gushes with some cringe-inducing story about their small children, I reply with Rick Moranis’ line from Parenthood: “How proud you must be!”
I’d like to thank all of you folks who have actually provided the movie/song/TV show/book giving the sources for your funny quotes, rather than randomly throwing a supposedly recognizable line from some obscure artistic failure.
I’d also like to ask for more Monty Python quotes. I never get enough of those, especially if you get the line wrong.
My favorite is from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom - when I get something to taste at work (at a bakery, next to two restaurants), I like to go with “Ahh, dessert! Chilled monkey brains.”
This morning I heard two used in a professional context, both from (or made popular through) the same source: Saturday Night Live.
The first was heard second-hand as I was helping my wife clean the house: a character on a kids show my daughter was watching said, very Steve Martin-esque… Excuuuuuuuuse, me!. And you know, that one is so common that when I hear people say “Excuse me” in a sarcastic manner, I don’t associate it with Steve or SNL anymore.
The other was a few minutes ago during a Super Bowl pregame show. It was last week’s Colts-Patriots game and the announcer said “Hear me now and believe me later: the Colts are going to the Super Bowl!” This was from the “Pumping Up with Hans and Franz” series of skits featuring Dana Carvey and Kevin Nealon (it was Nealon’s line, IIRC).
And, thinking about it, in a complaint I was making about our cable provider, I said “They don’t care. They don’t have to. They’re the cable company.”
“Come, sit in the warming glow of TV’s warming glow,” from a Simpsons episode is one I use to convey that the VCR tape is wound back and ready to view.
A couple of times after the wife or I has had to deal with an Asian with poor English skills,we’ve cracked one another up with “And then…” from “Dude, Where’s My Car”.
“Keeping Up Appearances” has a couple of quotes I like. When watching pretentious phonies discuss their “flips” on shows like "Flip This House"we like to laugh at “upgrades” meant to make the house more “executtive”.
And let’s not forget Onslow’s famed line, “Here I sit COMPLETELY surrounded by NO BEER!”
Romantically, no. Unless you count my standard explanation of my divorce to nosy almost-strangers (Meatloaf/Jim Steinman Paradise by the Dashboard Lights misquote “I started ‘praying for the End of Time’ & decided divorce was a better option”) as romantic.
If you count TV, to whoosh a dipstick, you betcha, all the time. Firefly is a wonderful source.
When a sales-drone offers me a long term warranty, or my fast-food order is incorrect, I answer with “Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal.” (Wash) Works best when said in a pleasant, conversational tone of voice. I got a 10% discount once, but everyone else has just stared blankly at me.
Whiny, but generally sweet, coworkers who focus on worst case scenarios are apt to hear “Gerbils is nice.” (Kaylee) said in my sweetest, most innocent tone.
When a sweet but clueless coworker showed up in the worlds smallest mini-skirt, tube top & CFMPs for Look Professional for the Important New Client Day, I took one look at her and blurted “Jayne’ll be in his bunk.” No one but my boss got it. I love my boss.
I also do a poor imitation of Cartman (South Park)saying “screw you guys, I’m going home” whenever it seems to fit. A few people get that one.
When Clueless Coworker was bitching about some damn thing involving an inappropriate public display (give me a break, I don’t actually listen to her!) because it was somehow “Only natural”, my immediate response was “Nature, Mr. Allnut, is what we are placed on this Earth to rise above.” (African Queen Hepburn to Bogie Have I mentioned I love my boss? She got it.
I quote movies all the time, especially my all-time favorite, Ghostbusters. Sometimes people get the reference, other times people just think I’m weird.
Let’s say a Twinkie represents the normal amount of movie-quoting activity in the average Doper’s work area. According to my life’s sample, it would be a Twinkie…35 feet long weight approximately 600 pounds.
That’s a big Twinkie.
I also wait for any opportunity when someone tells me they have both cats and dogs. “Dogs and cats living together! Mass hysteria!”
There was a row of “Wil-Kil” exterminator trucks parked on the road in front of work last week. When someone asked why there were so many, I said “Someone saw a cockroach over on 12th street.” But no one said “That must be some cockroach” giving me to opportunity to say “Bite your head off, man.”
Since I work in a print shop, and the bindery area is always stacking books, I often stop and look at a large stack and say “Symmetrical book stacking. Just like the Philadelphia mass turbulence of 1947.” I have yet to hear anyone respond, “Right, no human being would stack books like this.”
Sometimes, when a friend and I need to leave someplace due to a deadline or something, I’ll start singing “We gotta get outta this place/If it’s the last thing we ever do…” etc.
I believe it’s a song from the 60s or 70s. Dumb, but we laugh.
“What did you do with all that money? You bought another <insert item>?! Bahahahahaahahah!”
It’s a quote from a Lewis Black standup which I’ve distributed to, about, all my friends and most of my colleagues. It’s just great. Some of them get it, most of them don’t but laugh at the manic, evil laughter part, any way.
