I’m about your age, and the only thing that I’ve ever SERIOUSLY worked at, without improving, is a relationship - but that may say more about the number of things I could have put more work into.
I see three elements to continued improvement in the long term:
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Why do I want to do it?
Admittedly, I’ve always been a bit more psychiatrically inclined than most (I took top honors in it in med school, though I never intended to go into it) but in my experience I often find an attitude or outlook adjustment works wonders - it’s amazing some of the hidden motivations and influences that turn up. I know a guy who took 20 strokes off his game in a year after genuinely becoming friends with his father, an avid golfer who he’d always hated.
Most important: are you still having fun? Find the fun and the game will come (and if it doesn’t, you won’t care) We can’t always ‘will’ ourselves to victory. I can’t count the number of times that I’ve seen someone struggle at something for years, then have a breakthrough after an unexpected success. Of course there are many mechanisms and explanations, but sometimes just seeing progress can change the dynamic to a cycle of increasing success. And of course, in golf, relaxation is very important.
What are your standards? No amount of work would guarantee you a slot on the senior tour, of course, so though you’ll very likely improve if you find the right approach, it might not be as much not as much as you’d like. You say you don’t feel like to 'have what it takes to excel at anything". I’m sure that many people feel that way sometimes, but if ‘excel’ means something “top 10-20%” instead of top 1% or better, then you’re probably excellent at many things.
Will being a top 10% golfer meet your needs? Would you need to be in the top 10% of avid golfers (many times harder)? In the end do you really need to be “in the top 10% of the guys I golf with”? If so, would you consider golfing with people who are not as good, or will you keep finding more challenging partners?
(I realize that this doesn’t address your current stalemate, but it’s a valid question)
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Do something different
And if that doesn’t work, do something else different. And then something else. Then try the first thing again, and then something else new. People - especially goal-directed people- often find it more satisfying to continue with methods that are not working for them “but should”, rather than trying new, different or even wacky methods. The bottom line for me, when I’m not improving is: this isn’t working, no matter how sensible or satisfying it seems.
Note that you may have to try many different things. How often have you seen someone seriously try one or two new approaches and then give up? The problem with “different” approaches is that they are also different from each other. It’s not ‘normal’ vs ‘wacky’ - the thousands of possibly effective wackies are unrelated to each other. And don’t forget to give the old ways a 2nd/3rd shot!
Yeah, it can drive you crazy. But you’re not getting any better your way, and you can’t do much worse than a proven failure.
- Improve specific areas
Find out what you’re doing wrong, if possible - but remember that golf isn’t a science, and three good pros might give you completely contradictory advice (when he answer turns out to be a change of golf attire, shoulder exercises, or ditching a habit they encourage, but doesn’t suit you - at least not in your current time/place.
Don’t just address the game itself. I know guys whose game improved after they lost weight (or gained it, though I don’t recommend that). A couple of courses in T’ai Chi or yoga could also bring far-reaching benefits, in addition to your game. Sometimes spot training helps (e.g. arm strength, which may seem irrelevant to a female ice skater, is actually a key to tight fast spins etc.)
I was heavily into martial arts in my youth, and I specialized in kicks. When I returned to the sport after many years, I was horrified to realize how much I’d ignored my strikes with my non-dominant side. However, being -er- kickass at one area did keep me improving in all areas back then. Today, I’d love any single focussed strength! Still, once I decided to focus on strengthening/training my non-dominant side upper body, my progress has improved. I needed a more restricted goal (and I try not to sob too heavily at night over those beautifu jumps and kicks, probably lost forever, like young amores)