It has come to my attention recently that every major life decision I’ve made was wrong.
No, really.
I chose to go to a fundamentalist Christian college instead of a good state universtity where I could get a real education (and for less money).
I chose to take a job teaching in a fundamentalist Christian church school instead of finding a public school job that would pay better and look stronger on my resume.
I chose to leave the city I really liked to take a public school job in a small town where I didn’t know a soul and (which I should have realized) didn’t have a chance of fitting in or making any friends.
I decided that moving to that strange small town was a good move to make at the same time that I left my church, thus disconnecting myself from my lifelong support structure.
I chose to spend three years there, getting more and more isolated until at last I collapsed into a total depression, doing my job more and more poorly every month.
And now I’m tacitly choosing to procrastinate in looking for another job, because I have such a lousy track record in decision-making that any choice I make is bound to be the wrong one.
Just felt like sharing. It was probably a bad decision to post this, so we’ll just let it sink to the bottom like a rock.
They weren’t wrong, FisherQueen. You did the best you knew how with what you had at the time. Who knows what prices other decisions might have cost? F’rinstance, you could have carried lingering guilt for a long time if you hadn’t given your church your best shot. The state school could have disillusioned you anyway if you weren’t ready to be there.
This sounds pompous as hell even to me but there’s a real difference between career choices and life choices. You didn’t choose the fastest, easiest career track available but frankly I doubt there’s any “best” way when it comes to careers. I know too many people who’ve zoomed singlemindedly right on track but discovered they really didn’t want to be where they arrived. It doesn’t cut both ways; it cuts all ways.
You tried your best at something important to you. Your beliefs and priorities changed. You lived, learned, and now you’re ready for a new direction. That’s the farthest thing from failure. Even in career terms, life experience counts. It’s sorta like the difference between college students fresh out of high school vs. those who’ve been in the service, worked a while, had kids, etc. One isn’t “better” than the other but those who’ve done other things have earned a certain street cred, so to speak. Knowing what you do and don’t want and WHY packs credibility.
Buck up, friend. You haven’t made mistakes. Your path has just been more interesting than some.
