Excellent work.
And for the dopers who have rescued animals from abusive idiots, you get a shiny gold star.
I don’t really have any Bad Ass stories that are Outlaw Josey Walesish at all.
One time, after a 4th of the July fireworks celebration, we were working our way back through the crowd to the car and a couple of teenage boys were being dickheaded teenage boys by swearing and cursing up a storm. Not fighting, just exercising their right to be teenage douchebags in a public manner.
There were alot of younger kids milling about and these two jackholes were really the center of the parking lots attention.
Alot of Dads were getting ready to beat the snot out of these two boys for their mouths. If my husband gets involved, you will be getting a lecture that will last the length of the bible and you will wish for death. I had to pee, for christs sake.
I shouted over to them, without any forethought at all of what to say, " HEY! There are CHILDREN HERE!" and the two teenage boys instantly became sheepish and apologized in a muddled kinda way.
Another time, at one of our little hometown festivals ( which are pretty lame and can be walked thru in under 20 minutes. But is a social thing for everyone.) some elementary school kids were jacking around in a really obnoxious way and it pissed me off. Since I did alot of volunteer work at the school, it didn’t take me more than a few moments to locate their mom or dad in the thick of crowd and go, " Hey, isn’t that your little Austin over there throwing trash out of the trash can?" ( Or whatever dickheaded little boy thing the jerkweed was doing at the moment.
The boys all got in trouble and then in school the next day, I let them know I turned them in. One of the perks of living in a small community. Everyone knows everyone else. Of course, that is the disadvantage as well.
You’re my hero.
I’m that girl.
My mother had been sending out blanket status emails while she cared for our ailing grandmother. Although there were three other siblings, she was the only one who would step up, and she wrote “she misses seeing her children for which I give them the grade F”.
My cousin replied to all: “if you want to play martyr, that’s fine, but just remember who made this bed you’re lying in, favorite child that you are. If that truth hurts, so be it… don’t pass judgment on my family ever again”. (Why yes, I did keep this email from 2002.)
I shot back (to all) with “you should thank that martyr; she’s the one who is raising your child.” (Which my mother was also doing – babysitting for days and weekends at a time – because, well, she IS a martyr.)
Man that caused a shitstorm. I basked in it. Cousin created an email account and pretended to be her mother (my aunt), then said she wouldn’t be bringing her kid over anymore so as not to inconvenience my mother. That lasted precisely 2 days before my cousin apologized and the babysitting duties were resumed.
It’s not much of a story but it’s mine. You don’t f*** with my mother.
One time I punched a guy in the face for mouthing off to me. Does that count?
I smoke. I never drop my butts on the ground, I field strip them and put the filter in my pocket. Sure, it makes me smell like an ashtray, but I already do. I live in the land of wildfires and it makes me nuts when I see some idiot in a car toss butts out.
I ride a with a bunch of Marines. They are all too scared of me to toss their butts around. I’m a serious badass when it comes to that. (I’m a small female, btw)
One day, I was riding to work, slowly overtaking a guy in a UPS truck when he threw his butt out the door. It bounced harmlessly off my windshield, but it still ticked me off. At the next light, I pulled my visor up and yelled to the UPS driver that if he didn’t pull over right away, I was going to call UPS, give them his truck number and tell them that he was smoking in his truck and littering.
The driver gave me a deer in the headlights look, turned onto the next sidestreet and pulled over. I put my flashers on, parked behind him and then chewed him out for littering, fire hazards and I think I also mentioned that birds and squirrels will eat them, not be able to poop them out and die. After the chewing out, I told him that if he picked up butts for 15 minutes, I would just ride away.
About half way through his 15 minutes, a cop pulled behind me and asked what was going on. I explained that I had caught the driver throwing a butt out of his truck and that now the driver was cleaning up butts as penance. The awesome cop nodded, said that he would stay with lights flashing until the driver was done.
After the driver had done his 15 minutes, I left. I don’t know if the cop said anything to him, but I’m quite sure I had scared that driver into at least being more discrete about littering.
Magnificient!
Aww, your stories are all good. The best story I have is about a squirrel.
There was this squirrel who would sit up in the tree and chitter at me whenever I went outside for a smoke. I have a (very weak, won’t even break skin) BB pistol. I started bringing that out with me and shooting at him whenever he did his “scolding”. The pistol wasn’t very accurate either. It took me half a dozen times (he’d run when it went “pop”) before I finally hit him. While it won’t break skin, it will still sting. When I finally got the hit he really ran. From then on, he never scolded me again, he ran. He sometimes fell out of the tree in his haste.
No squirrel fucks with me!
Muffin, I thought the cop was magnificient too.
Cheshire Human, I wonder if we are related. I have javalina who squeeze between my fence to get to the street and then eat up any plants they can get to. I started running out and shooting them with a paintball gun. I also shoot range cattle. We have the most colorful wildlife anywhere around. I change the colors around depending on my mood and the season, I have orange loaded now.
The javalina used to just charge down my driveway and I could often get 3 or 4 of them. Now they bunch up behind my barn, send one scout out to get splatted and then wait to see if I get bored and go inside before the rest of them run down.
I’m going to regret asking this, because it will show how stupid I am, but what’s a javalina?
you’re too obsessed with finesse. if someone pulls an a-hole stunt like that to me, i’ll not just tell him off, his mother will be excoriated enough to have me banned from SD. the psych to it is simple: he’s an a-hole and he knows it so you’re not really risking physical injury. however, this is not advisable for someone who’s clearly drunk or doped up. those guys will attack you for no reason.
javelina is a feral/wild pig, although it’s used for domestics in some places. it’s called that because romans liked to hunt them with pillums (javelins.)
Thanks mac! That was pretty interesting.
have to qualify. the accepted application is for north/south american peccaries.
Heh, Bette can do no wrong! 
In my opinion, there is a big difference between being stupid and being ignorant. You don’t know, so you asked.
http://www.azgfd.gov/h_f/game_javelina.shtml
They are very big pests in the sticks. They do look very funny with pink and blue splotches. The cows show the colors better.
Mac, I didn’t know that was how they were named. Hurray, ignorance fought 
Large, unpleasant little shits. Fortunately, they don’t live around me. I’d go after them with the real pellet rifle. 1000 fps, scope sighted, hits in 1/2 a cm, at 30 meters. And kills. I haven’t used it on the squirrels in years, because the survivors mostly learned to stay away. So did the crows. I expect the surviving javalinas would be smart enough to learn, too.
ETA: Of course, given their size, that might not be enough. I have a 12 guage, heh, heh…
maybe not yet. i got the hibbee-jeebees when i did a quick wiki because ‘javelina’ seems to apply exclusively to the peccary, which is a new world pig-like animal. i was perfectly sure javelina was an old world term. well javelin or jabali has both american spanish and old world spanish meaning to it. jabali in spanish is wild or feral boar (no distinction between sus scrofa and peccary.)