A few odd true-life events that have happened to me recently.
I was in a thrift store browsing through their selection of books when two elderly Chinese gentlemen happened upon a toy which, when pressed, would loudly string together random words to form insults…
“You are a - creepy - useless - Goon!”
“You are a - stinky - ugly - dirtbag!”
This was followed with an excited exchange in Cantonese from the two old men.
“You are a - horrible - stupid - pencilneck geek!”
This went on for nearly two hours.
A truckload of rubber clown heads overturned in my neighborhood. These were multicolored novelty caps for ketchup bottles that you screw on, open the mouth, and squirt the ketchup out like bloody vomit.
A panel truck got lost and wound up on one of those narrow one-way stop-sign-on-the-top-of-a-steep-hill streets San Francisco is famous for, tried a three point turn, toppled and ended up with half it’s technicolor contents spilling out.
Two weeks later they can still be seen peeking out from behind bushes and car tires like demented easter eggs. I still see kids throwing them around.
A midget walked out from under a potato chip display right in front of me. I suppose for her it was just a low bridge between two shelves, for me it was a TOTALLY unexpected thing.
I made a noise that sounded aproxamatly like “Gaheegegh!!” and loudly crushed a bag of pretzels I was holding.
The poor lady seemed more embarrased than I was about it (hard to do).
It’s fairly commonplace to see me around school walking on the sides of my feet with my knees together (think Ministry of Silly Walks).