So…Snakes on a Plane. It’s got Samuel L. Jackson, so I will be seeing it, on principle. And I realised something: there are certain factors that will make me see a movie, no matter what reviews it gets, no matter how much it looks like it’s going to suck. For me, these factors are: Samuel L. (mothafuckin’) Jackson, Johnny Depp, comic book movies, pirates. If a film promises to have any one of those in it, I am contractually obliged to see it.
And then it hit me: everyone must have some similar criteria that will make them buy tickets for a given movie. And there is probably enough convergence in tastes so that we can fit enough of these “must-see points” into a single movie so that every single human being on earth will want to see it. So here’s the goal: create a movie that every SDMB poster* would see on opening night based on what we tell you about it, while keeping the list of information about the film as short as possible. Obviously, I want to see my own movie, so:
This movie stars Samuel L. Jackson.
*Because obviously we are a perfectly representative specimen of humanity.