Everyone On Earth Will Want To See This Movie (Now With Added Snakes on a Plane!)

So…Snakes on a Plane. It’s got Samuel L. Jackson, so I will be seeing it, on principle. And I realised something: there are certain factors that will make me see a movie, no matter what reviews it gets, no matter how much it looks like it’s going to suck. For me, these factors are: Samuel L. (mothafuckin’) Jackson, Johnny Depp, comic book movies, pirates. If a film promises to have any one of those in it, I am contractually obliged to see it.

And then it hit me: everyone must have some similar criteria that will make them buy tickets for a given movie. And there is probably enough convergence in tastes so that we can fit enough of these “must-see points” into a single movie so that every single human being on earth will want to see it. So here’s the goal: create a movie that every SDMB poster* would see on opening night based on what we tell you about it, while keeping the list of information about the film as short as possible. Obviously, I want to see my own movie, so:

This movie stars Samuel L. Jackson.
*Because obviously we are a perfectly representative specimen of humanity.

Directed by Steven Spielberg

Soundtrack by Nick Cave.


Pretty girls.

Is made by (insert name) and also at the same time ridicules (same name)

Pick one:
[li]Michael Moore[/li][li]Paul Verhooven[/li][/ul]

Either one should pretty much get everyone of us down to the theater. :smiley:


Angelina Jolie, Geena Davis, Laura Linney, Jennifer O’Dell (well, if I ever saw a movie she was in, I would see it!), or … um … that’s about it.

And by “saw a movie she was in” I mean “if I ever saw that she was in a movie.” Obviously not that if I SAW a movie she was in I would see it – that makes no sense.

Based on the bestselling novel

I will watch anything that has Bruce Campbell in it. Often I’ve been sorry, but not sorry enough to deter me from watching the next Bruce Campbell movie that comes down the pike.

based on a Raymond Feist novel

It should be about the life and/or death of Christ. And include lots of boobies.

There is a killer brief yet lingering nude female leg and crotch shot about a quarter of the way through. That would be one of the best ever if it weren’t for the fact that TWO of the hot female leads have a spontaneous and unexpected display of nudity 30 minutes later.

Full-frontal Ewan McGregor.

Gee, I’m afraid to mention my criterion. Ya’ll will just have to guess. :stuck_out_tongue:

The problem with this is that a requirement for some people is an automatic no-see for others. I know someone who would automatically see any Kevin Costner movie. I loathe and despise him and will not see any of his movies.

Written and directed by Joss Whedon and J.M.S.

With Geena Davis.

Guys, please respect the other posters! Has Raymond Feist ever written a bestselling novel about the life and/or death of Christ?

There MUST be some explosions.

And swords. There has to be swords.

Film noir, preferably where people where suits and trench coats and fedoras.