If there are a dozen guys shooting at you with machine guns, you can avoid harm by hunching over a little bit and jogging past them (preferably passing behind a row of pillars, the railing of a staircase, or something similar).
A single bullet will kill any guard or henchman, but if you are ever shot, it will be in a non-fatal location, or else you will always have enough time before your death to tell your friend/woman you love/partner valuable information/how you feel.
The profession most women are in is prostittion. Or detectives going in disguises as prostitutes.
If the villain is pretty enough and female, she usually lives at the end of the film.
The uglier the male villain is, the more likely that he will not die and be in sequels.
Godforbid there’s celery in the bag. . .
But before you do, look at the projecter’s take-up reel. If there’s not much film there, you’re at the beginning of the movie. RUN!
Also, avoid anyone who looks like Dennis Hopper!
Spacecraft are actually very easy to fly; this is why Star Fleet personnel and Rebels can fly Klingon ships they’ve never flown before and just-captured Empire vessels.
Women who are supposed to be ugly are, by real life, standards often beautiful.
Women have no internal abdominal organs except those concerned with reproduction. Stomach pains always mean babies.
It’s really, really easy to slit your wrists and die but you’ll probably live if someone cuts off your hand.
Bad people don’t usually have relatives or friends.
Vacuum cleaning is not necessary
When people take their clothes off for the first time no-one has prothestics, bad scars or even minor disfigurements
Undertakers are not as rich as drug lords which, by the body counts of films like Con Air, Face/Off and The Mummy they damn well should be.
I’ve never misspelt a word that badly before. It’s prosthetics.
The villain/would-be world dictator always has a large number of paid henchmen who, in addition to being trained nuclear techs, are also martial arts experts or marksmen (except when shooting at the good guy). And they will always die for their boss rather than surrender.
The uber-villain always has a particulary unsavory bodyguard/associate who confronts the hero right before he gets to “The Man” himself.
Rich people have bland interior decorating. They are not creative and don’t read Interiors or Architectural Digest magazines.
True, unless the movie’s a comedy. Then the girl can have a fake leg (i.e.-I’m Gonna Get You Sucka and Deuce Bigalow: Male Giggalo). Now that I think about it, I think the chick in I’m Gonna Get You Sucka also had fake boobs, a wig, and other fake parts.
Well, it’s not like impairment has ever been known to hinder a “flying fuck” situation (as it used to be known) in a serious drama. Or has it?
People from the past arriving in the present, even if they come from a time before English exists at all, they will be able to communicate perfectly with 20th century people. Of course, there will probably be a few “humorous” incedents where they encounter modern technology.
Conversly, people from the present who travel to the past don’t have the problems you’d expect they might. They can speak the local languange* and survive just fine despite conflicting styles of dress, ignorance of local laws and customs, having no acceptable currency, no form of travel, no place to stay, a completely different set of diseases from the present which they are not immune to, and host of other problems that should arise. They will also be able to use 20th century knowledge to recreate items using supplies in the past, no matter how dumb they have previously shown themselves to be.
*Which is 20th century English, of course, unless it’s Medieval Europe, in which case it’s 20th century English trying to sound Shakespearian with lots of thous and wherefores and all tossed in.
If you change the past and improve life for one of your ancestors, all subsquent generations will be exactly the same, just more successful. Despite having radically changed their future, they’ve nevertheless managed to procreate at the exact same times they did before, right down to the same sperm! They’ve also chosen the same names for their children as they did before.
When dealing with alternate universes/timelines, the “you” in the other universe will look exactly like you and have the same name you do, unless they’re of the opposite gender.
It’s really easy to suddenly attend a high school under false pretenses. You don’t need any transfer forms or identification for your new identity. Just show up and they’ll let you in, no questions asked. If you’re much too old to be a high school student, like 25 or so, don’t worry, no one will catch on.
You also needn’t worry if you’re trying to pass yourself off as a member of the other gender or a different ethnicity. No one will notice that, either, until you tell them. Be warned that there will be a situation where you must alternately switch between your real self and adopted persona in rapid succession trying to deal with two separate people wanting to see both of them simultaneously. There will probably be a point where you have forgotten to remove an item of your disguise. Be careful the person expecting you does not see it.
But you still won’t be able to do this until there is only one second left. Exception: James Bond can defuse a bomb six seconds faster than anyone else.
In the unlikely event they do, it’ll probably be someone they feel responsible for taking care of, like a younger brother. This person will die, either accidentally because of something a good guy does (if they’re an innocent), or because they tried to kill the hero or hero’s friend themself against the villian’s orders (if they’re a hothead). Either way, the villian will become extremely enraged and irrational for the remainder of the film, no matter what their previous demeanor normally was.
Protesilaus, you are a student, aren’t you?
I give you an ‘A’…
Yep. Senior year at good old Rutgers (well, old Rutgers, at any rate ;)) coming up in the fall. What gave me away? That I obviously spend too much time watching movies? 
Thanks!
It was psychic, somehow. I don’t even remember writing the sentence.
Every woman you meet at any point in time will wind up having sex with you.
.
.
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OOOOOOOhhhh, you mean main stream movies eh?
-All snipers really have a heart of gold
-Even in the future people still have to get into space fightesr and fly them (Buck Rogers, Star Wars, etc.
-Even if you think you’ve killed the bad guy, you did NOT. He will come back again and again and again. Bear in mind that Jason is coming back this summer to fight Freddy.
-Almost nothing big happens outside of the major cities.
-If people are speaking French, look around Gerard Depardieu is there somewhere.
Whoa. Which campus?
And that same “ugly” woman will become beautiful simply by taking off her glasses.
Detctives:
Whenever they need to interview someone, there’s always a parking space right in front of the door.
The detective always has a snitch that has ‘the word on the street’. Criminals simply cannot keep their plans to themselves.
All Judges are brain-dead. They will let a psycho mass-murderer post bail, or throw the book at a creampuff who won’t last an hour in a cell.
Busch campus, at New Brunswick.
To keep this post at least partially on topic:
The human race’s first invention was apparently the woman’s razor. No matter what time or place you travel to, the women there will always have bare legs and underarms.
If you have a plan (if, for example, you needed to defeat a giant monster or alien or demon or something), and you try it, and it only fails because of a small, possibly unlikely problem, you are not allowed to modify your plan to take that into account and try again. You must come up with an entirely new plan from scratch and hope it works.
If you ever need to find anything, especially an old news story, on the internet, the search engine will know exactly what you want. It will immediately give you the relevant information you seek without having to search through a list of results. If it is an old newspaper article, it will look exactly like an old newspaper clipping, rather than have been reformatted for net use. If you want articles about a series of events, it will know which ones you want and only give you those. Newspapers even keep articles from decades ago online and instantly accessible. If it’s not from a newspaper, it will be available in a rich multimedia presentation. And it will download instantly, unless you are in a hurry, in which case it will seemingly take forever.