Everything I need to know, I learned at the movies..

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
41

And the next invention after the razor was the blowdryer and beauty products…because those clean-shaven women always look like they just had their hair and make-up done.

Also,
The first sign of pregnancy is fainting. The woman in question is absolutely clueless to the fact that she could be pregnant. “I’m pregnant? But how?”

The first sign of any fatal illness is a cough. Any woman with a fatal disease will still have that ethereal beauty, a glow, if you will, right up to the very end. Never will we see her barfing or actually “looking” sick.

42

If the phone rings when two people are having sex one of them will answer it. The phone takes precedence.

43

And when they don’t answer it, the machine always gets it - and it’s something that’s not only extremely relevant to the plot, it’s usually something embarrassing, like an ex-girlfriend or a drunk frat brother.

44

And then they decide to cut in on the answerphone. They still pick it up. It shouldn’t be possible.

45

Is Roger Ebert’s Movie Glossary still online. It used to be on CompuServe circa 1990. The first entry in the Movie Glossary was that any fruit cart shown in a movie will be hit by a car. There was a movie about ski school that even featured a scene with the Siskel Ebert Fruit Cart. And “The Last American Hero” also used the Talking Villan entry of the Movie Glossary.

Some the other entries in the Movie Glossary were:
The villian will always attempt his escape by climbing.
When the hero is surrounded his enemies will only attact one at a time.

When ever being shot at hide behind a staircase all bullets will hit the staircase.

46

All foreign exchange students are extremely good-looking.
Most male exchange students are French, while most female exchange students are Swedish.
They are usually named Jean-Claude and Inga.

At any given high school, there will be a group of very poor (but incredibly well-dressed) kids, and a group of extremely wealthy kids, with a major point of conflict going on between the two groups.
There will be a Romeo and Juliet type of romance between a rich kid and a poor kid.

47

Hi,everyone, my name is medstar and this is my first post. One of my favorite things to do is see movies, and the one thing I’ve noticed is that whenever a character knocks out another character and has to change into his/her clothes, everything fits perfectly, EVEN IF THE TWO CHARACTERS ARE NOTICEABLY DIFFERENT IN BODY SIZE !!! Has anyone else noticed this? I thought that was quite amusing.

48

And don’t forget the toothbrush. All through times people have had perfectly straight, white teeth.

Rita

49

All phone numbers start with 555.

50

People have no bodily functions. The reason women say “I’m pregnant? How?” is because none of them have periods. Toilets are non-existant. Blowdryers have no need to be invented, as no one needs showers. Same goes for deoderant.

If any of the above is incorrect, then the movie is a comedy, and above are played to comic effect.

51

Hi, Medstar!

“Aren’t you a little short for a Stormtrooper?”

52

And when a woman says she’s pregnant, the man will inevitably say, “Are you sure?”

53

OOH, OOH, OOH!!! Thank you, Rilchiam, you are the first doper to directly respond to me! Unfortunately, at about 5’9", I just might be tall enough for a stormtrooper! I hope that’s what you meant. If not, thanks again for noticing me.

54

Pregnant corrolary 3-
If the woman says “I’m late” Man will say “Late for what?”

Medstar-
Welcome, and don’t let us scare you too much. :slight_smile:

Hero can only beat people up if his theme music is playing. Hums Indiana Jones theme

55

I keep meaning to send this one into Ebert (I sent one once before, and it’s actually in one of his books!):

I call it the “The bell doesn’t dismiss you” Rule. At the end of any class, the bell rings, and the students all jump up to leave. The teacher will say, “Hold on…remember you all need to read chapters 6-11 for our next class. There WILL be a quiz.” This is followed by much moaning and groaning.

OR

The teacher will dismiss the class, but then call the main character up to his/her desk to discuss a plot point.

56

Haven’t read the whole thread yet - heck, I didn’t finish the first post! - so forgive me if this is redundant…

You should finish writing out the sheet music BEFORE the estranged wife comes home and the brilliant composer dies. (Amedeus)

The skinny people survive the longest near the “special” delicatessen. (Delicatessen)

Letting William Shatner write OR direct is a REALLY bad idea. (Star Trek V)

If you’re the “good guy,” you won’t be killed or even grazed no matter how many bullets fly at you, but the bad guy gets it good with one shot. (Heck, any number of films!)

It is better for your film to fade into oblivion than to have the piss taken out of it on Mystery Science Theatre 3000. (Wish the show was still on just so they could zing “Battlefield Earth.” My sister-in-law walked out of the theatre 30 minutes into that film…and this is a woman who has the Ed Wood boxed set of movies!!! They come in a lovely pink angora box.)

Looking for an Old MST3K Tape to Watch,
Patty

57

If you have windows that open inwards, then they will fly open during the first rain storm.

If you creep up slowly to a window with suspenseful music playing in the background, a cat will leap into your arms. Then 15 seconds later the killer will jump out.

58

If you walk by a large plate glass window it will explode but you will not get hurt.

If there is a big ball of exploding fire heading towards you, you can eaisly outrace it.

If you are in a resturant in China watch out, a fight will break out soon.

After doing something amazing you will always have something funny to say immeaditly afterwards not 1 week later.
59

The quickest way to die is to become the girlfriend of the main character.

If your a woman, more than likely you’re not the main character.

If your the female partner of the main character you’re probably either going to be badly wounded or fall in love with him (usually both).

Good guys never have skin problems, bad guys usually have skin problems.

If your the main character you’re athletic enough to do tumbles that would put an olympic gymnast to shame.

The villian always knows where all your relatives/girlfriends live. They also know where you live.

The villian always plants a bomb in your house that always goes off several seconds before you enter the front door.

The bomb usually kiils someone who was in the house. (Usually your entire family)

Become an action hero! You’ll never have to worry about being killed although it’s hell on girlfriends.

60

At the end of a car chase, when the good guy and the bad guy play chicken, the bad guy will always be the one to lose his nerve. Even when the bad guy is a psychopath with a death wish.