You know those lists of valuable life lessons that people learn from kindergarten/baseball/sex? Well, I’ve decided to start one based on what I’ve learned from Buffy. [spoilers, I guess]
Sometimes the vampire has a soul. Sometimes the vampire won’t hurt you out of self-interest. But usually, the only reason the vampire isn’t eating you is because you took steps to prevent it.
Things really do change after you sleep with someone.
Alcohol makes you into the comic-relief of the sober.
Plans involving steps like ‘1), I gather the bones the mystical death jellyfish, 2) I forge the Rod of Ultimate Slaying, 3) I kill the Slayer with it.’ usually fail. Go simple.
Plans like, ‘1. I shoot the Slayer.’ had better work, or else you’re much worse off then a partially-working complex plan.
Geeks are the true scariest force in the universe. It is only when we allow petty concerns such as world domination or getting laid to distract us from the True Path that we are vunerable.
If you can’t crack a nut, use a bigger hammer.
The wrong people die. And making the right people die as well doesn’t bring them back.
Is there an official list of these somewhere? If not, any suggestions?
Never, ever, withhold information from your team, no matter how pointless you think it is, or how much you think you can handle it on your own. The rest of the gang is going to find out anyway and you can save yourself and everybody else a lot of trouble if you just spill the beans from the beginning.
True love often ends quite badly for all involved.
If you are going to fight a god, use the weapon of a god.
Extra unexplained family member?-- a group of monks probably did it.
Try not to build your high school on a hell mouth-- it effects attendance in a negative fashion.
Sew your name, address, sexual orientation, profession, and handy survival tips into all of your clothes- as you never know when a spell might go wrong.
The “funny V.D.” really isn’t that funny when it happens to you.
Things that look too good to be true will probably try to kill you.
A leather jacket and a English accent do go a long way.
Never, ever assume that sex can occur without consequences.
Relationships suck and always end badly. If it doesn’t implode from within, it ends with one partner dying. But they can produce transient happiness.
You always get by with help from your friends. Excluding them from important things never works out well.
If you’re human, you have the potential to be good. You also have the potential to be bad. Humans know the difference, and can choose to act one way or the other. Vampires and other creatures without souls don’t know the difference, but can be conditioned (somewhat like dogs) into acting good. And, like dogs, the fact that a soulless vampire may act good does not necessarily mean that he/she is clear on the concept of good, or that he/she won’t follow his/her natural instincts when the opportunity arises.
Guns kill people, but they don’t kill monsters. This is why guns are Bigger Deal than swords, knives, axes and stakes.
Be very careful about who you invite into your house.
If you go to heaven, you come back all sullen.
Always have a few extra kittens, in case a poker game breaks out.
Never, ever discuss tactics. Also, taking martial arts classes, even though you’re up against deadly, badass ninja demons every week, would probably be stupid.
Supernatural evil can’t come in unless you invite it in. Human evil will come into your back yard and shoot you.
If you’re going to have sex with your ex-girlfriend’s friend’s ex-fiancee, you should probably check for hidden cameras first.
If you’re the Slayer, you shouldn’t date military-type demon hunters. They can’t deal with a woman who’s stronger than they are. Stick with vampires. But don’t have sex with one if a band of gypsies has stuffed his soul back into his body to torment him.
If you’re a member of a band of gypsies that has stuffed a vampire’s soul back into his body to torment him, it probably isn’t a good idea to date the vampire’s girlfriend’s Watcher.
If your vengeance demon ex-fiance kills a dozen or so people being of sound mind and of her own free will, it’s ok, but if your friend’s vampire ex-sex toy, who hasn’t racked up a tenth of the body count, is forced to kill a dozen or so people by an extremely powerful evil entity that has totally mindfucked him, that’s not ok.
If you’re going to rebuild a high school on a Hellmouth, check the basement for insane vampires and symbols of Baphomet carved in the floor before opening it.
And, finally, if you’re going to go off in search of your soul, you should do it on a motorcycle.
Supernatural evil can’t come in unless you invite it in. Human evil will come into your back yard and shoot you.
If you’re going to have sex with your ex-girlfriend’s friend’s ex-fiancee, you should probably check for hidden cameras first.
If you’re the Slayer, you shouldn’t date military-type demon hunters. They can’t deal with a woman who’s stronger than they are. Stick with vampires. But don’t have sex with one if a band of gypsies has stuffed his soul back into his body to torment him.
If you’re a member of a band of gypsies that has stuffed a vampire’s soul back into his body to torment him, it probably isn’t a good idea to date the vampire’s girlfriend’s Watcher.
If your vengeance demon ex-fiance kills a dozen or so people being of sound mind and of her own free will, it’s ok, but if your friend’s vampire ex-sex toy, who hasn’t racked up a tenth of the body count, is forced to kill a dozen or so people by an extremely powerful evil entity that has totally mindfucked him, that’s not ok.
If you’re going to rebuild a high school on a Hellmouth, check the basement for insane vampires and symbols of Baphomet carved in the floor before opening it.
And, finally, if you’re going to go off in search of your soul, you should do it on a motorcycle.
Nice.