So, how else does one scratch off the stubborn crumbs, except by pervert’s one-square method?
Well, I know I shouldn’t…
But who ever said you could only flush once?
Patented butt wiping procedure: TM
Create wad of toilet paper Wipe vigorously Fold wad and wipe again Dispose of wad in toilet Flush. (standby with plunger if necessary) If last wipe was not clean, repeat
Of course there is a perfect way to save water and TP. Simply don’t wipe at all. If you have heavy enough underwear, you can just wait until your shower later in the week.
troub Yea, the joke is much more effective if you demonstrate it. Especially if you shake hands with someone, work the topic into conversation, and then just happen to have a single sheet of TP in your pocket.
Wait. I only meant to demonstrate the folding and tearing. Not the whole technique.
A roll a day keeps the piles away?
We just installed bathrooms for the public in the museum in which I work, and I have been astonished by the toilet paper consumption of the visitors.
The other day, we had a bus load of seniors, almost all of whom headed straight for the bathroom upon entering the facility. It was only minutes before a woman came out to tell me that the toilet paper in one of the stalls was running low.
This amazed me, because I had put new rolls in all of the stalls just the day before, and each stall holds two rolls. Minutes later, another woman told me that her stall was out of paper.
I replaced four rolls during that time, and more after they left.
Later, we employees were speculating what twenty old women could have been doing to use so much toilet paper. Finally, my co-worker offered the guess that perhaps they were all lining the seats with tissue before sitting. Each side of the seat would require at least a foot of tissue to cover it, and the curls of tissue I found lying on the floor beside the toilets later on would bear that assumption.
Our bathrooms are pretty low-traffic. I can’t imagine what it must be like to try to keep a very busy bathroom stocked, like one in an amusement park, or roadside rest-stop.
And I cannot even imagine using only two sheets…my mind actually refuses to consider that image.
I’m with you. Blech!!!
I have a phobia of using less than 3. I’ve been scared shitless (no pun intended) since i was young and poked a hole thru the TP while wiping and lodged my middle finger where i didn’t want it to go. I felt finger-in-orifice and was paralyzed (i thoguht my mom would kill me). When i got my wits back together i finished with 3 squares per use and washed my hands like the coming of Christ was nigh!
Where I work, we also have dispensers on the wall behind the toilets that hold flushable toilet seat covers. Unfortunately, not everyone who should be using them, does, and you still get the seats splashed with obvious urine (white seat, yellow splash, so it’s not water from a vigorous flush) from those women who insist on “hovering” instead. You also get those unclear on the concept who rip out the center completely and leave it sitting on the seat afterwards. Erm, the purpose behind leaving the center attached in the back is so it hangs down into the bowl - then when you flush, it gets yanked down and flushed away.
I’ll also second those women posters who commented on the sheer mass of paper needed to deal with a menstrual cycle. It makes me wish for a bidet, frankly.
Here’s a deeper question;
Is Toilet Paper really so freakin’ expensive that you need to restrict yourself to a mere two squares?
Well, I really know I shouldn’t this time…
But after reading this thread and thinking about it too much, I tried the 4 sheet method ( I used 4 because I have thin TP). And I can say as a person who has all his life used large wads of paper to accomplish this, that the 4 sheet method has some distinct advantages. In addition to using less TP as others have mentioned, it provides the opportunity to wipe several times without multiple flushings. The time savings is somewhat lost, hosever, by the fact that folding 4 sheets over on themselves is not as trivial as it seems. I assume I would get better at this if I practiced often. But the main advantage that I have not heard mentioned, is that it provides a more “sensual” experience. I’m not talking prostate massage, or anything. But it definately allows more “tactile feedback” via the digit used.Really. Someone please help me to stop posting to this thread. I think it is begining to effect me. (At least I hope I wasn’t this twisted before…) :eek:
You can save time by preparing a few portions of paper ahead of need. This is easily accomplished while reading, if you read on the throne.
Feel IS part of it. Most of how I know I’m done is feel; each wipe generally gets less, um, slippery. That plus a quick peek at what I think is the last piece (yes, I know, it’s gross) tells me if I’m done or if I need another wipe or two.
So, do you have a little shelf or something to set them on? I’ve found that I need 4 or 5 little folded up sheets.
Also, do you fold them over so the result is the size of a single sheet? Or can the result be larger?
At home we have a high-tech toilet like Sublight mentioned. Warm water rinse, hot air dry–it does everything except powder your bum for you, and for all I know, some of them may do that too.
But at work, the toilets on my campus are different. I’ve considered writing to the president of the university about this. The toilet paper, if it’s provided at all, is in a giant industrial-sized roll at the door. You take what you’re going to need before going into the stall.
Trouble is, often I can get by fine with a couple of quick wipes; other times times, depending on what I’ve been eating and other factors that I’m not smart enough to figure out, I need a lot more. And whatever I need, I’m going to use–I ain’t walking around with skid marks in my drawers. The result is that I always take enough toilet paper for a worst-case scenario, though it usually isn’t necessary. And what happens to the leftover? I could leave it on the back of the toilet, but who’s going to use it? It ends up in the basket, and judging from the mountains of paper I see there, others leave their surplus there as well. A colossal waste.
I use that one-ply Scott tissue. If their claim about the 1000-sheet thing is true, then I’d have to estimate an average of 150 sheets per bathroom visit for me.
I think anyone that uses less than 30 sheets is either always constipated or very dirty. And considering that hand-washing is probably proportionate to the number of squares a person uses, I really would not want to shake hands with people like pervert.
But no, I’m the weird one…
I’m glad you brought up those high tech toilets, MrO. I’m not sure how they would work? Do they squirt a stream of water back and forth? Do they have brushes? Can you control the stream of water? How eo you keep it from shooting out from between your legs and onto the floor?
sleeping, how does using less than 30 mean you are very dirty? I would have thought the relationship was the oposite.
whiterabbit, I didn’t mean that I could feel the feces with my finger, I meant that I could feel my finger…
Well perv, the combination of your username and your inordinate interest in this topic is a bit disturbing. Still, in the interest of fighting ignorance:
The way ours works is that some little gizmos are mounted under the rim at the back of the toilet. The controls are on a little console conveniently located near the user’s right hand. One button, with a little water jet symbol, activates one of the gizmos: a little arms swings out and squirts a stream of water directly at the orifice. I’m not sure what you mean by “back and forth”; it squirts only one direction, and then the water falls into the toilet. No brushes on my model, but you can squirm around a little to allow for more thorough cleaning. I’d say the squirting goes on for a good 20 seconds or so, but I’ve never timed it. There’s also an “off” button, to terminate whatever operation is in progress.
After the stream stops, another little gizmo kicks in, like a miniature hair dryer. Some hot air blows for another 20 seconds or so. If that isn’t enough, you can just push the “hot air” button for more. I still use a little TP at the end of it all, just to be sure, and to dry things up completely.
There’s another button with the universal “woman” symbol on it, but I’ve never used that one. I assume it squirts a stream of water slightly more forward than the one I use. I’ve asked my wife, but neither her English nor my Korean is good enough for the details.
Oh, and the thing that keeps it from shooting out from between your legs is–how shall I put this–your butt, of course. The stream is aimed directly at the orifice to be cleaned. If you stood up, water would indeed shoot out onto the floor, or perhaps even the ceiling, but I don’t think it’s quite that forceful.
I rolled my eyes when my wife had the thing installed, but I have to admit now that I like it.
Believe me. It is more disturbing to me than it is to you. :smack: Usually, I don’t mean “pervert” in the way it is coming accross in this thread. I just can’t seem to stop myself. Its like I’m answering some undeniable call of nature or something.
Thanks for the info. I’d heard of these things but never seen any information. I think what I was asking, was how does the stream “aim directly at the orifice”? I assume from your description that it simply comes out to a predetermined position and begins squirting. I was just curious. It seems that there might be enough variations in body types that different people’s orifices might be in different locations.
I meant that less than 30 squares is insufficient to clean up anyone’s orifice (unless they are constipated at the time).
No offense, but it seems to me that you should have learned more Korean. I imagine that it would be difficult to communicate if you cannot discuss the finer points of toilet ass-sprays.
Well, some people might have prehensile recta.
Funny you should mention that. I’ve developed the habit of shifting a bit to starboard whenever I push the “rinse” button. Either our bidet is a bit out of adjustment, or my orifice is located off-center. I suspect the former; my pants seem to fit okay. I could ask my wife whether she experiences the same thing, but I don’t know. Seems to me there are some mysteries that are just better left unsolved.
You may be right. But as long as we keep clean enough that we don’t gross each other out, I don’t see the need to press the issue. We have our own little pidgin language that works beautifully for most purposes, and she’s very intuitive–even if we can’t put it into each other’s language with grammatical precision, we usually understand each other quite well. Maybe we miss out on discussing “the finer points of toilet ass-sprays,” but our system does cut down on the chatter. A little over four years now, and we’re happier than ever!
Thanks for that link sleeping. I haven’t had a good laugh like that for a while. If we all had an appendage like that we might not need so much water. We could simply “inject” the waste into the sewer.
See, I don’t HAVE to post here anymore. Really, I can quite anytime I want.