Excessive Waste of TP

In My Humble Opinion (IMHO)
#1

So i’m playing a game of The New Tetris for N64 when my body tells me that it has important business to be done real soon. So I finish up my game (439 lines in 10min) and go to the bathroom. After my body has completed it’s dirty work, I reach for the toilet paper… ::gasp:: there’s none left on both rolls. :eek: Fortunately, I had some Kleenex in my pockets on this occasion.

Now over the last 2 months, it has occured to me that the TP seems to be disappearing incredibly fast. Myself and my 2 suitemates seem to average a roll of TP every 2 days, sometimes less. I suspect my suitemates are responsible for the excessive useage, but was wondering whether it was just that I am incredibly frugal at 6 square of TP per sitting, 2 per wipe.

So fellow Dopers, on your trips to the Throne , how many squares of TP do you use?

#2

I get to use those cool Japanese hyper-toilets at home and at work, so I typically just do one wipe (2-3 sheets) to check if I’m good to go.

#3

2 per wipe? Stingy bastard :stuck_out_tongue:

#4

Ha! Something I feel very strongly about, but have great difficulty working into conversation.

I became a TP miser after living with a fella who regularly did in a roll a day on his lonesome. He used to blow his nose by wrapping both hands and then letting fly into the big pillowy mess. Based on his consumption, I believe he had a similar method for wiping.

This was made worse by the lack of a vehicle in the household – when your grocery runs involve dragging back everything you can carry from the market down the road, it’s a pain in the ass to have to get a difficult to carry eight-roll-pack every single week, and still have to make dedicated runs to the corner-store just to buy TP.

As it stands, I buy TP just about annually. Like the OP, I find that anything more than two squares at a go is wasteful. We’re talking about a spot the size of dime, fer chrissakes, and you’re going to wash your hands thoroughly afterwards. Do you need a phone-book between your fingers and the spot to insulate you from the nasty? WTF? Three applications is more than enough to make it clean. A standard roll of TP is good for 33 poops, people. They should be marked like laundry detergent-- 25 LOADS. (They always encourage your to use more than is strictly necessary.)

#5

Can you spare a square?

#6

One square is useless. It must be two, no more, no less, count, and the number of the counting shall be two. Four is right out.

How about a 2-by o’ 2-ply?

#7

I reach back there with the whole thing, rub around a bit and then roll off the dirty stuff. You mean that’s not the norm?

#8

Stop channeling my father! It’s not fair!

I use as much as is necessary. It’s not like I’m building model airplanes with it or something.

And any man who complains about a woman using too much tp should be forced to have a menstrual cycle. A really bad one.

<grrrrr>

Sorry. I know I’m over reacting, but you really sounded like my dad there for a second.

#9

Devena, channeling your father?! Yikes! I’m just barely legal to drink.

I have nothing against using more TP, if necessary. Your case would most definitley qualify. I just have a problem with people who yank at the TP roll and take the 12 squares that roll out for each of three wipes. It also annoys me to see rolls of TP sitting atop the dispenser, with the old roll unremoved, everytime nature calls. I seem to be the only one that knows how to install the TP into the dispenser.

#10

OK, I tried to post this earlier but the hamster must have eaten it.

As any good boyscout will tell you, you should always carry 1 sheet of TP in your front shirt pocket. Anytime the necessity arrives you make use of it like this:

Fold the sheet in half. And fold it in half again.

Tear out a triangel from the corner where all of the folds come together. This will result in a hole in the middle of the sheet when you unfold it. Save the triangle (usually in the front shirt pocket again).

Unfold the sheet and insert your longest finger into the hole you created earlier. Use this finger to thouroughly clean your nether region. The sheet will act as a guard for the rest of your hand.

Grip the sheet carefully and use it to remove any residue stuck to your finger. If you practice you can do this in 1 motion.

Retireve the triangle from you shirt pocket (remember that?). Carfully use one or two corners of the triangle to clean out the fingernail of your “cleaning digit”.

Viola! You have just succesfully used 1 sheet of TP to …

Oh, never mind. I can’t get the hamster visualization out of my head. I need a shower.

:smiley:

#11

I just have to say, Pervert, that that’s really gross. Particularly the part about removing “any residue stuck to your finger.”

Should I send my local Boy Scout troop some Charmin, or what? Gak!

#12

Note to self: never shake hands with a boy scout.

And never buy an apple from them either

#13

More than two squares per wipe is wasteful, in my book, unless it’s crappy single-ply, in which case I use four. Normally I use two squares for the first wipe, and for the second if necessary, then I back down to one (folded, so as to not use in the delightful way described above) for any subsequent wipes. Sometimes it only takes one or two, sometimes a few more.

My brother, on the other hand, goes through the stuff like there’s no tomorrow. I’m not going to ask him why, though. Some things are better left a mystery.

#14

Probably never more than 30 squares/poop. Now, that may sound extravagant to some of you 2 square misers (and especially so to pervert), but you can kiss my ass with reckless abandon.

#15

Amen, Ringo. There are some things that you just can’t use too much of and TP is one of them.

It’s not that expensive to feel like you should only use one square. ONE SQUARE? I can’t even imagine trying to use that little.

#16

I doubt any of you who only use two squares per wipe have an ass nearly as hairy as mine.

#17

squares?

What’s this square business?
Don’t you mean spins?

:wink:

#18

Yeah, I mean, come on…you’re talking about TP here…it’s not like it’s made of gold, and you have to pay by the square. I use as much as I feel neccessary to get myself clean, and avoid touching my own feces. And I cannot even imagine using only two sheets…my mind actually refuses to consider that image. shudder…ya’ll some dirty assed people.

#19

Sorry about the earlier post. I heard that joke on a camping trip years ago, and somehow thought it was appropriate to this thread.:dubious:

Personally, I think that as long as you don’t cause the toilet to run over, you haven’t used too much. :wink:

OK, I’m enjoying this thread WAAAAY too much. Where did I put my medication? :smack:

#20

That’s actually why I don’t use so much paper per wipe. I’d actually rather get more swipes at it than have a whole handful of paper but get fewer swipes. For me it’s not really about “wasting” the paper, but about stopping up the toilet. Today’s low-flow pieces of junk are often a bit “sensitive.”

Also, picking the right kind of toilet paper helps a lot. My girlfriend used to pick up just any old kind, but I soon set her straight. Some stuff is too “linty” and some tears too easily.

BTW, pervert, I thought your post was funny as hell, and my co-workers were wondering why I couldn’t stop giggling. So then I had to explain the “technique” to them. They also thought it was funny, FWIW.