Exes who never go away

Who has exes/currents who they’ve been dealing with for a long, long time and feel like they’ll never shake no matter what they do?

If so, this is the thread for you, even though probably tomorrow when I feel less self-pitying and more sober I’ll probably regret it. But I know I’m not alone! I just feel like there’s no hope of this ever really ending, despite the multiple times I’ve completely refused all contact with him for YEARS. It wasn’t some big struggle for the years either, I was like fuck this dude, but somehow it’s never quite over. It’s so frustrating I can’t even stand it.

I used to. I had daughters ages 2 and 6 when I got divorced, so I was tethered to this miserable woman who spread misery wherever she went for the next 19 years, paying her an ungodly cut of my salary that she was free to squander as she pleased, if only to protect my girls from the worst excesses of her shared misery. When my youngest turned 21, I had no reason to speak with her anymore, and these past few years have been the most peaceful of my life.

I had one stalker ex I thought I’d never get rid of. I finally got a restraining order against him, for a year. The day the year was up he was parked in front of my house. Even seven years later I’d catch him riding past my house. Eventually I moved and never saw him again.

I don’t like to move backwards so once I break up with someone it’s over and there is no going back.
Well, except for the current one, but I guess we never really break up, we just have our issues and stop talking for a while.

I’ve had one ex try to stick around, but his behavior was so blatantly manipulative and indicative of future abuse, I had no trouble refusing contact.

I had another ex from a much longer relationship email me from out of the blue, wanting to “bury the ax”. What became very obvious after a couple of exchanges was that he was horny and thought he’d see if I was receptive.

The answer was not “no”. It was “HELL NO!” and “Die in a fire!”

I’ve thought various times over the years about getting a restraining order against my ex, but I think he would just think it was a fun game. That’s how he is. He had a couple misdemeanors he was defending himself against in court and he loved it. Right now he’s in the process of suing someone, and he’s all excited about it and trying to take it on one of those TV judge shows. Which they’ll definitely want him, he’d probably be the most entertaining guest that’s ever been on one of those shows. He’s just…dazzling. That’s not a word I’ve ever used to describe someone, but he really is. It’s not just me that thinks so, EVERYONE thinks so.

For some reason, August and the holiday season tend to bring my exes out of the woodwork. Gotta love semi-annual pleas for “closure” on relationships that have been over for years, or even decades. I just ignore them.

Yyyyup. The former Mrs. Rabbit calls or texts every six months or so to tell me that one of her cats, who I used to be rather fond of, is about to leave this vale of tears (again.) I haven’t responded with anything other than a “Sorry to hear that. Please don’t contact me any more” in three years or so.

Yes. My daughter isn’t going to be 18 for some years, yet, so I won’t have the ex out of my life any time soon.

My ex and I parted amicably, but it took him FOREVER to actually move out of the damn house. And I had a roommate set to move in a week later. I’d go check to see what he was doing when he was supposed to be packing and he’d be in the middle of the living room floor with crap strewn all around him, just staring at it. I finally had to say, “Get out! You are driving me CRAZY! Stop screwing around and PACK!”

We split the two dogs between us but when “his” got really thin he gave her back to me to take care of. But that didn’t stop him from wandering in the house and getting on the floor and playing with the other dog. Now, that I can sort of see, we’d raised both dogs together.

Years later, “his” dog died and shortly thereafter, so did “mine.” I got another dog, which he ALSO felt entitled to sit on the floor and play with rather than just leave after our business was done.

And I STILL get phone calls from debt collectors looking for him. 15 years later. He’s a friend on facebook and every post me makes, makes me SO HAPPY I got out when I did.

Hi. Are you my ex? If so, I’m very sorry about that Facebook message yesterday. I don’t know what I was thinking. At least I got it out of my system! And yeah, I know, I’ll be getting it out of my system again in about six months to a year. Rinse, repeat…

(The relationship ended in… oh, let’s see… 2006. I need a restraining order put on myself. :smack:)

What did you say to her?

Oh yes. I have one who pops up out of the blue every 2-3 years to see if I’m interested. It’s not much more than a booty call. Deep down, he’s got a few atoms that really care about me, but he pulled me through hell and back and I ain’t going there again. It’s too bad because I could really care about him again but I won’t let myself. I just ignore the calls.

The latest ex. I’m trying to remain friends with him but it’s getting to be too hard. He didn’t have enough time or committment for me before I broke up with him but now he chooses to call from events where our mutual friends can here him say “I love you,” before he hangs up. If he loves me so much, why can he only say it from afar? Not. If he doesn’t quit such behavior by spring, I will have to cut the contact entirely. And that’s not going to be easy because we have so many mutual friends.

Oh, nothing major, just the usual “thinking about you, would be nice to see you soon, you’re the only one who understands me” bullcrap.

The strange thing is, I don’t even know where that shit comes from. Even as I was writing it I knew I was being an asshat, and still…

Hmm. You were on the hook for support until the kids were 21? I get to cut that tie when my daughter turns 18 (11 long years to go).

And I know I’m making a huge mistake when, after years of no contact and months of his attempted contact, I finally accept it. I guess it’s frustrating on both ends (well, maybe not in the case of my ex, but for non-narcissists).

I have another ex I always end up talking to every so often too, but it’s not as bad. It just gets my hopes up that things might work this time, which they don’t, but it doesn’t make me feel like I’m living in some alternate universe where nothing makes any sense like it does with the crazy dude.

My friends hear about him and they’re like WTF is wrong with you, why would you keep going through this with him? Then they meet him and they’re like “oh”. If he didn’t look scary to white people he could use his powers for some large-scale evil, I really believe that.