Yesterday at work I had the pleasure of speaking with a newly hired contractor, whose job was to initiate and run a number of conference calls. Both in person and over the phone, she did not speak audibly. I am not exaggerating. I cannot estimate how many times I asked her to please speak up and repeat what she said. In the last call of the day, when I dialed in I heard another party say, “Would you please repeat that?” And then, following some inaudible murmur, said, “I’m just going to mute, because I cannot hear a word you are saying.” I do not know if this contractor was shy, or why she did not converse audibly.
Today, a different contractor filled the role, and it was just such a pleasure to interact with someone who communicated clearly.
We recently returned from a trip where 5-6 people would ride in a Land Rover. There were 4 rows of seats, and for the most part, people spoke up so that others could hear. Except one woman, who would speak to us from the row of seats ahead of us, but she spoke so lowly that we could not understand her. This woman did not appear to be overly shy, because she was initiating much of the conversation.
What is your experience with such people? How do you deal with it? What do you think explains why someone converses in this manner lacking some physiological speech impairment?
As a general manner, if I discover someone is a low talker and refuses to speak up, if at all possible I just stop trying to converse with them. I think it somewhat rude for someone to speak so softly that their intended listener is unable to hear them - but maybe I’m rude in not wanting to put forth the extra effort required to hear them.
Finaly, apropos to today, “But I don’t WANNA be a pirate!”
It’s a pet peeve of mine due to my hearing loss. Seriously, someone requires help from me but they speak very quietly. I’ll explain that my hearing sucks and they need to speak louder. They continue speaking very quietly. I stop them and repeat that they need to speak louder.
At that point, having explained my situation twice, if they continue speaking quietly I turn around and walk away.
Rude? Maybe so, but ain’t nobody got time for that.
Note that inability to speak loudly is a symptom of quite a few medical conditions. E.g., Parkinsons. Plus a lot of conditions that make it hard to breathe strongly.
As a low talker myself I agree with you completely that the onus is on me to speak loudly enough to be heard. I sometimes initially default to low-talking but if someone says “huh” or “what was that” I immediately change decibel level to be heard. It is a fault of mine and I appreciate the reminder to “speak up!”
Those you encounter who don’t change volume or seem perturbed at you are being jerkish IMHO.
My son unfortunately inherited my low talking and and it took a while to break him of the habit while he was young. I kind of kept bugging him about it when it happened until he got sick of me and came up with some new habits. Now when we go out to eat in a loud restaurant I can see him purposefully sitting upright and taking a deeper breath before giving the waitress his order.
I’ve know several folk with Parkinson’s, and neither of the folk I mentioned seem to fit the profile (in my non-medical opinion). Also, I do not know what you mean by “speak loudly.” I was describing someone who is inaudible from a <10 feet away in a quiet room, or speaking into a microphone for a conference call. The other person was speaking to passengers <4 feet from them. When my wife asked her to speak up because leaning in caused my wife’s back to hurt, she did speak up - briefly. But then reverted to mumble-speak.
My wife’s impression was that that individual assumed that because of her age/status, she expected others to make an effort to understand her, rather that her speaking up.
If someone had a medical condition which rendered them incapable of ordinary speech, it there an obligation/expectation that they mention that, rather than forcing the listener to try to figure it out? I’m not desirous of imposing obligations on impaired persons, but I would think that if I were hard of hearing, as a courtesy I would mention it and ask people to please speak up.
I have mediocre hearing at best and I have a co-worker who is a low-talker. I have literally never had a conversation with him where I didn’t ask him to repeat something.
I married a woman with a paralyzed vocal cord. I’m living the low-talker experience
In my case, I’ve leaned heavily on two things over the nearly three decades we’ve been together:
“If I can’t see you, assume I can’t hear you”
“Try to look toward me when you’re speaking to me”
As with most of us, the % of time that she speaks aloud – but with only herself as the intended audience – is increasing over time. I probably can’t do anything at all about that
People that don’t hear you(unless they are enlightened like @kayaker) often get pissy when you say something, they return with “huh” or “what” and you speak louder then they ask you why are you yelling at me!
So it’s a slippery slope.
I have sympathy for both sides. I don’t speak well. I stutter, sometimes I say wrong words(sort of a nervous tic, one word reminds me of another and I day the wrong one. Often it’s hilarious.) I hear well.
When you can’t say what you want to be understood it’s frustrating.
One aspect of this is that some the voice of some people doesn’t seem to carry well. They are speaking loudly, but their voice doesn’t seem to have much force behind it. One instance I remember was a swim coach. On deck, the coaches basically have to yell for the kids to hear them. This coach would yell, but her voice was very light and was hard to hear. She basically had to yell at the top of her lungs to be heard at any distance, and even then it was kind of quiet. Another one I remember was someone at work. When he would give a presentation, his voice didn’t seem to carry very far into the room. He was taking in a normal volume for giving a presentation, but his voice didn’t carry. Perhaps some people don’t project as much air when speaking so their voice doesn’t have as much force?
Due to many years of working in radio and wearing headphones turned up way too high, my hearing is about half what it should be. I often have to ask people to speak up. Even if they are speaking ridiculously softly, so as not to embarrass them I usually turn it back on myself. That said, I do seem to encounter a lot of people who mumble like they have marbles in their mouths, especially teens and young adults.
I usually apologetically mention that, because I am old and decrepit, I find some conversation difficult to hear, so could you please talk a little louder than usual. The same thing sometimes gets abuse free results in movies. “Sorry guys but my hearing isn’t what it used to be and I can’t hear the movie if you are talking.”
I am a semi low-talker, which I also inherited/copied from my father. One day I was about to go out with a couple of friends and had a short conversation with my father just as my friends and I were heading out. Once we were outside they started laughing because, despite standing within a few feet of my father and I, neither of them could make out anything we’d said.
My father-in-law is a low-talker. Sometimes it takes so much effort to have a conversation with him when the TV is on or there are other conversations around us because I’m straining to hear him. His mother was similar. My son and daughter have both apparently inherited this affliction, because my wife and I have to ask them to repeat themselves constantly.
My wife fits this category. Her voice is on the lower side of the octive range and I often can’t understand her over the din of road noises and the radio. I frequently respond with, “I didn’t understand anything you just said.” I was worried she might be right and my hearing was in decline, but I see her have the same problem with waitstaff when ordering at busy, noisy restaurants. Her voice is just drowned out by ambient noise.
I explain that I have hearing loss and that they have a “gentle” voice. That seems to disarm most situations and the low talker will generally be understanding and make a more vigorous effort to speak louder.
